living it frh's way.

2010-03-31T20:22:00.001+08:00

I'm aware tht I haven't been blogging as much as before. Well, the things tht happen in my life are totally random really, happy or sad, so there's not much to say.

I'll post when there's really something that changes my life, aite.

:D

2010-03-18T17:01:00.003+08:00

Want updates? The Bukit Tinggi trip was uber awesome. Got to stay in a French-themed resort, wear a Kimono, learnt all sorts of funny plants names, eventhough it does sound kinda boring, had 5 full buffets, worked out at the lousy gym, sweated my ass off at the gym, watched a Chinese acrobatic show, & finally, kene ayt kaw2. LOL. Pics, are all in FB. Well, most of them la. (:

Oh, & these few days I've been going out with friends. 3 ari b'trut-trut, lpak ngan 3 gang berlainan. LOL. On Tuesday met the close friends, Haikal & Aben. Went to watch V3: Gangster Jalanan b'cuz there was no nice movie to watch & I had already watched Alice In Wonderland 3D with Jo-lyn & Debbie last week. Swt. At night, after gym, hung out with Eddie, the scandal t'syg.

Then yesterday, spent the whole afternoon with Eddie again, had lunch & walked around Sunway. Ni confirm jd topic hangat kat UTAR dah. Met some of my uni mates at Sunway these past 2 days. Mesti dorg plik. 1st2 tgk aku ngan due mamat, gi tgk wyg. Nx day mamat lain lak, punye la rapat lak tuh. HOHO.

This morning, had breafast with Aloy at Old Town, Subang Avenue. Met him here at the gym on Monday, where Izwan introduced me to him. Pecah record ah bai, br brp ari knl dah lpak. Hahaa. After that he ajk me go lpak with him & some of his friends, so parked my car at Carrefour, & went with him in his car to his friend's house in Bandar Utama. After tht, went lepak at The Curve. His friends, Siti & Diyana, somehow were damn familiar. They said the same thing too. Apparently it was obvious tht we had met & chatted somewhere, tp masing2 xtau mane. Hahaa lol. & well, now here I am, at the gym. Oh, & I finally found my belly dancing thingy! Wtf. You know, that cloth with bells you tie around yr waist, like those Arabians? LOLOLOL.

One thing I've realised these past few days? I'm definitely not ready to be in a new relationship. B'cuz, as of now, I wanna spend my time having fun with guys. & not in the wrong way obviously. Put it this way, I'm still not done enjoying the freedom of being tied down to only one guy. So, why waste my time having a headache in which one to choose out of two guys? I'm still single, I can go out with anyone I want. & for once, I actually truly, genuinely enjoy being single. Doesn't make a player, right? ;)

You know, it's kinda weird when suddenly everyone actually notices you. Now wherever I go there is always one random guy walking past me who would stop & say I'm pretty/ cute. WTF. Sure beats being invisible.

2010-03-09T18:18:00.001+08:00

Currently tuning into: Cheryl Cole - Fight For This Love

Yesterday I woke up at 6am, quite confident that I was gonna make it through the day, as in, go fer classes from 8am until 5pm & still manage to make it to the gym until 11pm. However, proved myself wrong.

Was driving to uni, going through the terrible jam, until I suddenly realised that I was having difficulty breathing. The moment I arrived at uni I knew I couldn't make it through the whole day so I called mummy up & told her I'll only be going for the 8-10 Finance lecture.

After that went to the office to get some stuff done, then drove to the clinic I always go to, in front of my old school. According to the doctor I was just having the usual fever, flu, cough & stuff, & a little asthma. After tht drove back home.

By the time I arrived home I was as pale as a ghost, on the verge of fainting. In fact, the whole room seemed to be spinning around me. Pfft. It's a wonder how I actually managed to drive almost an hour back home in tht condition.

Still having the stupid pening2 & loya2 feeling now, but way better than yesterday. Apparently I was having very low blood pressure last night, which was why I ended up that way. Sheesh. It sucks to be sick, I rarely fall sick. The last time I really fell sick was 2yrs ago, during Raya. Wtf.

Haven't been to the gym in 2 days, & it's killing me. Though mummy's saying I probably overworked myself at the gym. Lol.

& I'll be going to Bukit Tinggi this Friday. Papa's company family day. Yeay! :D

Before going out with mummy to fetch adik from school. At least I have to energy to stand up today.

Oh, just realised. Apparently my amount of blog followers have decreased. I suppose last time everyone was anxious to follow up on my 'tragic love story'. HAHA WTF. Let's just hope I get an awesome + almost perfect boyf soon yea. ;)

2010-03-07T20:34:00.002+08:00

Currently tuning into: Lady Gaga - Silly Boy

So this morning I was having breakfast/lunch at Taipan with my family. Discussed with Papa about my degree in Sg Long, which is gonna be in June. About whether I should travel Subang-Sg Long & back or to rent a place there. Papa actually came to a point where he said he'll buy me an apartment there. Fuhhhh. Merdeka la aku, ley wat PP dahh hoiii HAHAH. 0.0

It's scaring me actually, tht I've been waiting so long to finally stay on my own, & now tht it's gonna be in a few mths, I'm kinda reluctant to move out from my family. Pfft. Call me anak manja la kan, but I am attached to my family. Would be coming home on weekends though. Still haven't decided whether I wanna rent a apartment with friends or as papa said, get my own. Time sure flies, I'm entering my 20s soon, & I'll have to be depend on myself.

Oh, wanna know what many guys are saying to me now? Mmg susah nak ambik ati u kan? Hahaa. I've been getting tht only God knows how many times now. I'm no longer as easy as before. You can treat me with the sweetest phrases ever, you may have the best looks ever, but I'll never fall. I have a hard time trusting guys, therefore I have a hard time actually loving them. Thx to an ex-boyf. I'm not really in love, I'm just saying it aloud to ensure myself tht I'm still pretty normal. Sheesh.

The nx boyf in my life would obviously be pretty darn lucky if he actually manages to melt this stone cold heart of mine. Pfft.

I'm sick. Fever, flu, cough, urgh, the entire package. & tmrw class is back to back from 8am-5pm. Sheesh someone kill me.

2010-03-05T12:52:00.002+08:00

Currently tuning into: Lady Gaga - Monster

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that there are appropriate times to stand in your power. Power isn't always evil. If you stand tall in the power of goodness, you can have a powerful impact on a situation.

credits to facebook.

Heyy! Haven't blogged in ages, I know. Been really busy since final sem started, & with gym, I get home feeling so friggin exhausted even onlining is no longer on my mind.

So. Been trying to get my studies on track, & boy it ain't easy. Killer subs this sem, especially when it involves me having to take 3 subs, while many others are taking 2. Payback time fer bad results I suppose. Pfft. Mid-terms are in 2 weeks time, assignments are due in 3 weeks time, & finals are at the end of nx mth. Bullet train dah hoii. Sheesh.

Oh, & this past week I've been attempting to track down my fellow Assunta Kuantan classmates, from Standard 2 & 3. Found a few, & it didn't take long fer then to rmbr me. Ain't hard to miss me out really, since I was the malay girl with Chinese looks who entered 2 Inovatif, not knowing a single word of Malay, speaking English with a heavy British accent. When someone weird appears, you nvr forget them do you. Sheesh. One thing's fer sure though, the bullies damn right sure never forgotten me. Found one, this girl Alina, & she recognized me straight away. Sure, b'cuz of you & your fellow bitches my 1st yr studying in Malaysia was hell on earth. But hey, the past, all placed behind where it is.

P.s, I'm in love again. & this time, I'm working hard to get what I want. ;)
xoxo.

2010-02-25T00:55:00.002+08:00

Currently tuning into: Celine Dion - It's All Coming Back To Me

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that you've been skipping out on God's most important gift to man - love. Love is the blood of the soul. God wants all beings to have healthy and strong souls, so God created a simple law to nourish the soul: the more you give love, the more you receive love. Rememb...er all the beings you love - people, animals - that you haven't thought of lately. Do not wait anymore, reconnect with them today and express your love.

credits to facebook.

I'm really happy today. Wanna know why? I'll tell you later. ;)

Went to Keramat today, to meet Umi. Sumpah rindu gle ouh kat die. N'way, arrived at around 2. Umi opened the door, & was wearing bju kurung, looking as if she wanted to go out. So I asked her, then she said, "Xde la, bwak Farah gi mkn la," Haha wtf. N'way, she brought me out to eat at the Setiawangsa food court, though technically, I was the one driving. LOL.

Chit chatted with her. Told her I did meet up with Amin, then she asked stuff, like who was he with, whether it was a girl or guy, how were we both going on, stuff like tht. She also said thx fer rmbring her, ayt nak wat aku nangis je doh. I suppose she assumed I won't be talking to her anymore since I'm no longer with Amin. Oh, then she was eating ikan bakar, then told me to eat some also, & said "Haa, Farah mkn ni, igtla kat Amin, die ske mkn ikan bkar," =____="

Left at 4-ish, wanted to go to the gym. Had MTV class today, & did Sexy Chic. Sexy gle wooo choreography die. Main meraba2 bdan dah HAHAHAHAA.

Oh, & according to Umi, Amin's bro's getting engaged to kak Hidayah some time this yr. It's nice to hear tht really, they seem so happy together. They've been together fer a yr plus too, like Amin & I, apart from the fact that we've broken up. Somehow made me wonder that, if Amin hadn't gone do all the stupid things we did, could we have ended up planning all tht too? Perhaps not, I'd end up suffering if I had a husband like him. Pfft.

Oh, so why am I happy? Finals results came out. & hey, I PASSED. Like hell yea wey! Sure, my pointer's not that good, but at least I can still continue my final sem. This made me happier about everything in life, b'cuz it finally showed that I had succeeded in trying to build myself back up. Losing weight, getting my studies on the go, all the important stuff in building who I am right now. I'm happy, I realise that I don't need some bastard in my life just to be happy, I'm just grateful fer wtvr I already have.

2010-02-22T01:49:00.002+08:00

Currently tuning into: Lady Gaga - Bad Romance

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that every time you pretend to love, you impoverish yourself more and more. Love has great potential to enrich your life. But if you are just playing a role, pretending to love, it's only going to poison you. Because you are teaching yourself that it's just a game, and slowly but surely you will lose the capacity to open in love.

credits to facebook.

Went to Sunway Lagoon today. My 2nd time being there. The 1st time I went there I was like what, 9-10? Pfft. N'way, went with mummy, papa, & adik. Today was truly a REAL family get together, after only God knows how long.

N'way, bought tickets fer all parks. First, went to the Wildlife Park. Not much really, bears, tigers, birds, butterflies, otters, raccoons, domestic animals. Got to feed rabbits & guinea pigs, hold a tortoise, & touch most of the animals there. Almost saw a tapir for the 1st time! Excited gle dah aku; nvr knew tapirs were that big. & at the butterfly farm it was kinda funny, fer the fact that I kept ducking to avoid the butterflies. HAHA. Pretty as they are, I don't really fancy flying insects.

Tortoises.

We stopped by some place near a lake to put on sunscreen. Thx God fer tht, now I have a healthy tan. :D

Like father like son, like daughter like mother. Lol.

1st time seeing a peacock open up it feathers! Haha. It was funny really. It opened up b'cuz some bird was nearby it, so I went nearer to snap a pic. Punye la pemalu burung tuh. Wanted to snap a pic of it from front but it kept on turning, showing its back to me. In the end, that was all I could capture. Mummy & Papa were laughing like noone's business. =.=

Parrot yg bising bangat. Pfft.

After that, went to the Water Park. First time mummy joined us in the water. Borrowed my aunt's swimsuit. Hahaa. Quite fun actually, spent time soaking in the surf pool. Then went to the beach area, where Papa finally joined us.

Capturing each other. Lol.

Parents t'syg. <3

Mummy & adik.

After that went to the Extreme Park, where adik & papa played paintball. After that the 4 of us went trampoline jumping. Haha damn funny that thing, not to mention tiring. After that went to the archery, & finally the hanging bridge. Was holding on to mummy tightly, on the verge of wanting to cry, no to forget sweating like mad. Maklumla, aku kan takot tinggi. Pfft. The bridge was damn long, it seemed to take forever to reach the other end. T_T

Then, arrived at the dry park. Went on the cauldron ride, where you can spin that thingy around. LOL. Then mummy & I went on the Pirate's revenge, damn thrilling. The ride actually turned you upside down! Was screaming like mad. After the ride finished, could see papa laughing like mad at us. LOL. Lastly, went to ride the long waterslides. After showering, wanted to go Scream Park, but closed edi. Sobbb. Nvm, there's gonna be a next time. Weee.

After playing at the theme park, went to have dinner at Shogun. Buffet lg. Masing2 eat until cannot move edi. Adik practically fell asleep on the table HAHA. After that went jln2, & finally went home. Out from 10am-10pm, pnat gle wooo.

After dinner. Face also turn green edi HAHAH.

Got back home & watched Marley & Me. Seriously, one hella touching movie, I was crying like mad.

2010-02-18T14:29:00.002+08:00

Currently tuning into: Leona Lewis - I See You

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that the weight you carry on your shoulders is much too heavy for one human being. Give some of that weight where it belongs, - to God, and have faith that what happens is for the best, whether you understand it or not.

credits to facebook.

Hello Subang, Farah's backkk! Hahaa. Got back home at around 9-ish last night. Yesterday afternoon Hafiz brought me out to have ABC & rojak fer lunch, then went to the beach. These few days been lepaking with him quite a lot. Biase ah, mmbr baik kan. (:

The beach. A beauty right?

Pic2 yg asyik xmenjd.
=.=

Oh, talking of Kuantan. Shafiq, Syukri's friend cmnt me last night & said that his girlf knew me. The funniest part was tht she knew me as her classmate from Assunta in Standard 2/3. Gle ah, that was frigging ages. I hated that school, but it surprised me to think that someone actually rmbred me from there. & b'cuz of tht, I have a current obssession of finding my exclassmates from tht school in FB. Pfft.

N'way, since I'm back at Subang, back to the old life. I seriously need to go to the gym. Rindu gle. & I've gone up fucking 3kilos. T_T

Esok lepak shisha at Star. & nx week I'm going clubbing, most probably at MOS. Mau ikot?(:

Shandy fer CNY. Yumm yummm. <3

2010-02-14T23:50:00.004+08:00

Currently tuning into: Pitbull - Boom, Shake, Drop

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that all is well. All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should.

credits to facebook.

Friday, February 12.

Went back with mummy & adik. Papa was working, & had to go back to Kota Bahru the next day to get some family affairs done. Arrived at Kuantan at around 7-ish. Then trus gi dinner at some restaurant nearby my house, with the rest of the family. Came back & celebrated my Uncle Ming's 33rd b'day.

Uncle Ming. Blur abis gmbr.

Almost the whole family.

Saturday, February 13.

CNY Eve. As usual, the family gathering. Wajib kot. Hoho. Had steamboat, just as we do every year. Damn alot to eat, had some relatives coming over fer dinner too.

Oh, before that went jogging at Taman Gelora with my uncle & auntie. Told Hafiz to meet me there & tman me jogging too. Weee. Lame xjumpe dah kan, so borak2 ah smbl jogging tuh. Mama Han & Uncle Don insist that Hafiz has some sort of crush on me. Habis la u Hafiz. HAHA. ;P

Before dinner.

The steamboat food. Nyummm.

Kekenyangan.

Sunday, February 14.

Finally, CNY. Oh, & fucking V-day. Ever since last yr, I officially declared myself as a V-day hater. & I still do right up to this moment. Seriously, if it's true love everyday would be V-day.

N'way, in the morning went to the crematorium to give prayers to my grandma, great-grandma, & aunt. Started crying like mad; whether it was b'cuz I missed my grandma or I was simply depressed, Idk really. Had a little depression crisis the night before.

Go back home, & was busy greeting guests when suddenly my aunt said papa was here. I was like, huh, papa? Told mummy papa was here & she too was surprised; papa didn't say anything about dropping by here. Surprise utk mummy la kot. LOL. N'way, he stayed back fer a while, then left fer KB at 4-ish.

Around 5, went jogging again, then rushed home to get ready for dinner. Went to this restaurant called Honeymoon. Damn nice the name. Lol. Go back home, & started taking pics & chitchatting.

Loh Sang. Fer good luck. ;)

Mummy & adik. Oh, & me wearing samfoo. Weee.

4 out of 5. One more brother's missing in action. LOL.

Bottom line, cam biase je CNY, but it was somewhat fun. Three more days here, & I'm seriously missing the gym, big time. Pfft.

2010-02-12T01:59:00.002+08:00

Currently tuning into: Pixie Lott - Cry Me Out

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that you are only as free as you imagine yourself to be. There is nothing ''out there'' that's holding you down, - you are limiting yourself only with your own imagination. And your greatest limits are not even the ''cannot'' and the ''should not'', but the places where your imagination hasn't yet gone at all. There has never been a better time for you to open your eyes, let the imagination soar and see what more is possible.

credits to facebook.

Monday, 8th February 2010.

Zumbathon. It was a blast, really. Like 80%, including me turned up in red, & the 2 hour session was taught by Sunny, Elva, Myke, Jason, & Zainal. It was tiring, but I had a whole lot of fun, not to mention all the shouting & laughing, especially when it was Myke & Elva's turn to teach. Seriously, I love them; they're definitely my faves.

Spot me. Damn candid, not to mention how xtra fat I look. T_T
Oh, tht's Sunny teaching.
& before I kene saman for stealing(lol), I got these from Elva's FB. Usha2 tetibe je ade muke aku skali. Pfft.

Wednesday, 10th February 2010.

Met Amin today. Yea, after almost 2 mths. Went to lpak at Mcd with one of his friends. Mummy lectured me about seeing him. According to her, he must have some certain motive in suddenly wanting to meet me. A lot more that she said, but bottom line, she knew I was stubborn when it came to meeting him, so she just let it be.

Still the same, in & out.

Meeting him again made me nervous, for some unknown reason. While driving there my hands were shaking, & I was almost short of breath. However, meeting him, I felt hatred. I just couldn't get myself to sit down there & act like nothing happened between us. I was obviously hating this guy I loved. I wasn't the bubbly, friendly person that was usually with him, I was just a cold, heartless bitch then.

It boiled up my blood thinking of how he could sit there & not even think twice of everything he ever did to me. How he left me & still brags to his friends that I'm his girlf. Yea, the one he abandoned & left for someone else. But, who am I to complain any longer, all this is supposed to be in the past. In fact, thinking once more, mummy's right, he doesn't deserve to get a chance to meet me again.

After that, went to the gym. While driving to Sunway, again there was that sick feeling of wanting to scream & cry. Yes, I admit, I regretted meeting him. I knew exactly how I'd feel whenever I meet him, but then again, only lovers will know the reasons of my actions. (Ayt pun dah touching dah wtf.)

Had MTV class again, this time danced to V-Factory's Lovestruck. Susah woo. Pfft. Also made friends with one of the sales consultants at the gym, Izwan. Before class stood at the door talking about each other. Smpi tanye I ni single ke x. Pe daa, xirrelevant lgsg. Hahaa. N'way, after MTV did Body Pump, Body Combat, & Zumba classes. Seriously, only the gym offers me comfort, no matter how I feel.

When I was about to leave, Amin texted & said tht he was in Sunway, so we lpaked at the rooftop. Technically, 'lepak' involved sitting with him & two of his friends in the car doing nothing. Xbengang lak aku. After barely 10mins of sitting in the car I got very pissed & left without a word.

Was kinda hurt though, he didn't even bother coming after me, or at least calling me or texting me to see if I was okay. But then again, he nvr did regard me as a person with feelings. God what a bastard. Only like every time he'd break my heart, & I stupidly fall, every single fucking time. Sure, I did give out a bitchy attitude last night, but I have my reasons, & he should understand.

Otw home felt very fucked up, with so much on my head, wanting to cry, feeling sick. As I entered Putra Heights, saw this dog by the side of the road, struggling to get up. Apparently it looked like it had been hit by a car. I panicked, wanted to stop & help the poor creature, but at the same time I was terrified. Started screaming & crying like mad while driving home; thinking of the dog's condition was agonizingly painful. Arrived home, still crying harder than ever, until mummy & papa had to calm me down. Couldn't sleep then, kept on thinking of the poor dog, hoping & praying that someone good helped put it out of its misery.

Thursday, 11th February 2010.

Had my 2nd & final training with Shah today. Sumpah terseksa gle. Pfft. On the bright side, I lost another 3kg. After that had an hour before Zumba, so went shopping. Well, technically shopping.

As a start. Bju sendiri la hoiii. HAHA.

I like this, but somehow looked weird.

Out out out.

In the end I only managed to buy underwear for mummy & I. LOLOLOL.

After shopping went for Zumba with Myke. Then went cycling with Bryan.

Going back to Kuantan today. Steamboat tmrw, CNY the next. Will post updates. Laters! ;)

2010-02-07T01:45:00.002+08:00

Currently tuning into: Hinder - Without You

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that you can't rid the world of sorrow, but you can choose to live in joy. Sorrow is with us not because we are bad at stopping it, but simply because it's part of being human. What matters is not whether good or bad things happen - both will, but your relationship to them. Just think back over the last 24 hours, - what had you taken hard that you could have taken lightly?

credits to facebook.

Merdeka la hoii! Exams dah abis! Yeay!! & I'm already bored. Pfft. N'way, exams. Okay I suppose, apart form the fact that I screwed up Web Pg & Sociology. Sheesh.

Oh, & I didn't mention did I, tht I finally dyed my hair red? Haha, yeap. A day after that previous post of mine I had it done.

Passion Red. ;)
Color's not obvious in pics, but in person it's drop dead obvious. ;D

More random photos, while I'm at it. You know I'm a camwhore. ;P

A day at the gym. Note my BUM Equipment shoes I bought last month.

Another day at the gym.
Even Mike asked me last night before Zumba, why was I so damn hardworking, until one day can go 4-5 classes. Hahaa, nak kurus nye psl la kan. Pfft.

Muke xmandi lg hoii! HAHAA. After exams, waiting fer my bro to finish school. Been taking over mummy these past few days, fetching adik from school whenever I have exams in the morning.

Just now, went to Herbaline SS14 for another facial treatment with the mother, aunties, & uncle. Pass2, Kuantan's branch has better service. After this, we plan on going for this body massage package, that has massage & body scrub. Awesomeness.

Meanwhile, gotta get to bed. Esok mau gi Zumba. Gonna spend as much time as possible at the gym this week since I'll be going back to Kuantan fer CNY this Friday.

Hey you, I hate the way you treat mummy. I hate the way you make me look like an outsider, when I'm your daughter, your flesh & blood. I hate every single action & word you said to break mummy's heart. I hate it, how you tore our family apart.

2010-02-01T00:32:00.005+08:00

Currently tuning into: Cheryl Cole ft Will.I.Am - 3 Words

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that to worship God you must go beyond words to speak with your heart. You can mouth the words of a prayer all day long and just waste your time, unless you also speak with your heart. And to speak with your heart means to embody first. If you pray for love, be loving. If you pray for wealth, be generous. If you pray for health, practice health yourself. What is your favorite prayer? How can you begin to embody it?

credits to facebook.

Finals officially start tomorrow. I've screwed enough Marketing notes in my head these two days, so I fucking hope I make it through. Didn't mention did I, mummy offered rm500 fer each sub that I can score B & above for. If I got all Bs I'd be fucking rich wey. 0.0

Oh, & the other day one of UTAR's staff called me. Wondered what the hell I did this time, when she offered me to model fer UTAR's advertistments & shit. Wtf. The bad news? It's in Kampar. Pfft. N'way, told me she'll contact me if I do my degree in Kampar, which I don't think I will.

I've been wanting to blog fer days, but studying has been keeping me behind. As a result, I seriously don't remember what I want to blog. Sheesh. Nvm then, signing off now, esok exam kul 9 lak.

Current addiction?
Cheryl Cole. Her songs are awesome, & she's friggin hot.

Current aim?
CNY's coming. There's this cheongsam that I wore like 7 years ago, but wore it only fer a while, cuz after that cannot fit. A few days later I dug it out & tried it on. Amazingly, it fitted. Well, somewhat tight thought, but it's saying something. Imagine weh, a dress that I could wear like 7 yrs ago, now only can wear again. Saying something ain't it. N'way, my aim? To be able to actually wear it loose during CNY. :D

Current worries?
Finals obviously. Nak tunggu dah 2-3 ari nak exam br nak serious. Xke bangang. Ish. Apart from that, my tummy seems to have grown big. Kene puase la gak aku lps nih. T_T

Current thoughts?
I've been thinking about him these 2 weeks or so. When I say 'him' it's obvious that no matter how many million guys there are in my life I only refer to one particular one. I've spend a fair amount of times crying myself to sleep without any reason these few nights. Pfft. Nasib baik ade lg bear I.

Idk why, but I've been single fer 5months now, & there's still no genuine want to actually have another boyf right now. Yea, I'm close to a few guys atm, but I just can't get myself to have any feelings fer them; it's just not the same. I feel like I'm permanently scarred fer life. Pfft.

One thing's fer sure though. Boys know I'm off-limits when I still talk about 'my ex'. & tbh, I don't really want another boyf in my life. I admit, I am better off without him, but that doesn't change the fact that I still love him & miss a drop dead lot.

After-exam plans?
Merdeka la wey! Hahaa. First off, nx Monday there's a special Zumba class at gym; two hours non-stop. Bryan's been telling me about it fer ages, & finally it's here! Yeay!

Then, I've got another session with Shah. Plan on doing it nx week too. Which is why I should probably starve myself fer this week if I want to lose at least 3 kgs on the scales then. Sheesh.

Apart from that, wanna go to Keramat to see Umi. Told mum already, that I wanna give a box of oranges, since its CNY, & if I'm in the mood I'd bake that cake they all love so much. Weee. Oh, apart from seeing Umi, wanna lepak with Yon too. Rinduuuu! Hahaa. ;)

Most importantly of course,CNY! Weeee. No matter how long mummy wants to keep me from dying my hair red I'll still get it done by then, even if it involves me having to pay Mama Han just to get it from her. Pfft. Mau dpt lbih 'ong' utk CNY HAHAHA wtf.
xD

29/012/10. Prut buncit la hahaha.

Ok, really should sign off now. It's 1.30am, & I have to get up at 6am later. Wish me luck bbys. Nitee.
xoxoxo.

Btw, Welcome February. Gosh time flies.

2010-01-27T20:54:00.004+08:00

Currently tuning into: Nidji - Jangan Lupakan

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that what you are most afraid of is where your greatest rewards are. If all you had to do was wish for something and you would have it, life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it? God placed barriers between us and what we want, so we can enjoy interesting and satisfy...ing lives. God hid our biggest rewards behind the highest barriers - our deepest fears. God wants us to face our fears, and hold ground in their presence, and let them go, and that's how we get out biggest rewards. What are you most afraid of? Say it, just start by saying it.

credits to facebook.

Hey guys, I'm at Kuantan now! Ade mase nak holiday lak kan, dah nak finals lak. I'm here to celebrate my grandma's 3rd death anniversary. Okay, so 'celebrate' is not exactly a good word to use, but well, it's this Chinese tradition where you go to their graves on their death anniversaries to offer them food & prayers.

Before leaving.

Arrived yesterday evening, & straight away the whole family went fer dinner at this Chinese restaurant. Whole family, as in granddad, aunties, uncles, mummy, bro, & cousins. Cam dah raye Cine lak dah hahaa. Then got back home & watched Couple's Retreat with Mama Han & Uncle Don. Laughed like mad pigs wey, the 3 of us. Lol. Seriously, tht's one hella hilarious movie.

Today, mummy & I had an appointment at this spa, called Herbaline, that was just behind my house. My aunties, & uncle tried it the previous day, & said it was heaven. N'way, in short, by the time we left we were just so refreshed & happy. Mummy actually came to the point where she wanted to come again tmrw. LOL.

Before leaving.

The place was really heavenly, with all sorts of relaxing aromas in the atmosphere. First, had a foot bath, then had a facial & massage. As usual, I started pouring tears out due to the terrible pain of having blackheads squeezed out of my face. Pfft. Other than that, had my eyebrows shaped. The massage was fantastic, seriously. After months of working out at the gym I didn't realise just how tense my body was until just now. Apart from tht, we were served some sort of tea. The 1st one was something like red dates tea & after the massage a refreshing lemongrass beverage. Finally, we had fish spa. The one where, you dip your feet in a pond & the fish come up & eat the dead skin cells on your legs. Damn tickly, but fun. Haha.

Fish spa.

My fat legs. HAHA.

Mummy's. damn a lot. 0.0

& all that fer what, RM28. No joke la sial. First trial, it's rm28, & after that the normal price is rm79. If you think rm79 is expensive, fyi, a normal facial, the average price is Rm100-Rm200. & we already booked a session a few days before CNY. 'We', as in, mummy, myself, my 3 aunties, & possibly 3 uncles. Hahaa.

After the spa session went to my grandma's grave, then went shopping with Uncle Don & Mama Han. Was supposed to buy shoes & clothes; ended up buying soya bean & Red Bull. Wtf. then we went jogging at Taman Gelora, near the beach. 3km, maunye xmati aku. Even the Red Bull I drank didn't help much.
T_T

Half dead by night. Lol.

The other day, I drove Papa's Wira, since my Kancil's at the workshop. & the very day I happen to have no P stickers is the very day got road block, twice. Nasib baik muke aku lpas. HOHO. Always reckoned that I would never be able to drive a big car, but after trying, it wasn't that bad. It's true really, that in life, to be able to make it, you have to dare to do it.

Jungle Jungle. A few days back, waiting fer mummy to finish shopping.

2010-01-24T00:32:00.002+08:00

would it be nice to hold you,
would it be nice to take you home,
would it be nice to kiss you.

jangan pernah lupakan aku,
jangan hilangkan diriku,
jangan pergi dari aku.

It's been awhile, I've noticed.
& I've been missing you a lot, to be honest.
I love you.

2010-01-22T13:42:00.002+08:00

Currently tuning into: Hilary Duff - Now You Know

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that there is no need to obsess over a decision. God has more in store for us then we can ever predict, and what we fear are bad choices frequently turn out for the best, because our hidden aspirations know better where we are going than our rational minds.

credits to facebook.

So. Yesterday I was busy checking my courseworks mark on the notice boards at uni & saw Ms. Paveena, my English lecturer from 1st sem. Was about to open my mouth & say hi, when suddenly she was like "Oh my God Farah! You look so different!! You lost so much weight!" basically leaving me there with a 'wtf' face. & then she was asking me how I did it & wanted to follow. HAHA wtf.

It feels good, to know that others see me as a completely different person. It feels good, knowing that in the midst of changing myself I ended up inspiring others to be stronger too. I went through a whole lot to gather myself back altogether, physically & mentally, & now here I am, the same old person but with new ways.

I rmbr Haikal texting me after lpaking during New Yr's Eve. He said, "Hbat la u Frh, Sblm & slps..Sbnrnye I da lme bce blog u, yg lame & yg br..mmg ssah gurl nak jd kuat semangat cam laki..biase la ati gurl en..pfft..hahak. So far I dah nmpk la improvement u..not..bad..truskan.." Words of encouragement from a good friend. Ahaha.

Random, before going fer uni.

The old TA7, from Sem 1.

Finals in two weeks time. My coursework marks? Satisfactory I suppose. I'm official on study break right now, skipped class today. Hoho. Wish me luck. ;)

2010-01-16T15:24:00.004+08:00

Currently tuning into: Britney Spears - Womanizer

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that God loves in you even that which you dislike. God doesn't partition you into pieces and loves some and not loves others. That's what people do. That's what you do. God, who created you, accepts and loves every little part of you, even those you deny and hate in yourself. So next time you try to dislike a part of you, just pause, look and remember that God loves it.

credits to facebook.

15th January 2010. I shall remember this date as one of my extreme records of being in the gym. HAHA. Yesterday went fer belly dancing & Latin dancing in the morning. Was there from like 10-1:30. Had lecture in the afternoon, which was supposed to finish at 4, but ended at 3. So, went to the Internet Lab & myspaced until 5-ish. Then headed back to the gym. Was so freaking tired, so after parking my car I fell asleep in the car fer like 20 minutes. HAHA. After that went to the gym, did 2 hours of cycling(2 classes), & a Zumba class. By the time I reached home it was 11-ish. Pfft. Altogether, I spent like almost 8 hours at the gym. Whoaaa. HAHAA. Even Bryan, the cycling instructor said that the gym was like my second home already. Hehee.

When I first started this overly-obsessive addiction of spending my time at the gym, I was sad, depressed, & just wanted something to blank out my mind. Now, it's the only comfort for me, now matter when. I'm happy just being there, even if it's the same old routines each day. Not going fer a day, & I get unhappy, moody. But hey, it's a healthy & good addiction ain't it. ;)

Korg pokai psl mkn, shopping semue kan. Aku lak, pokai psl pe, parking. Wahaha. Stupid Sunway. Last time it was RM1 fer 4 hours, now its RM3 fer 3 hours. Seems like a tiny difference, but it has a blowing effect on me now. Last time I only had to pay max RM3 a day, now I have to like from RM4-RM8, depending on how long I go. & x wajib kot klu aku xde kat situ at least minimum 4 jam seari. Pfft.

I'm running out of money wey. Hols are coming, & since papa won't have to send me to uni I won't be getting my weekly rm50 anymore. Sheesh. Want to find a part-time job fer the hols, & if I get kicked out of UTAR I plan on working fer the time being before actually finding another place to study. Being cashless sucks. & I have to save money to buy my own shoes. Sob. There's this Nike shoes yg I b'kenan gle babi, like rm200. o.O On the bright side however, all my clothes are getting too loose fer me to wear, so I'm gonna pow mummy to get me an entire new warbrobe, especially fer CNY. HOHOH.

Anyway, random pics fer the week.

Marketing presentation.
Again, mummy's blazer. Punye la t'kjut aku ble ley pkai. =.=

Randoms, after coming home last night.

Oh, there's that new Chinese series, on NTV7. Weekdays at 10pm, called Friends Forever. Damn nice wey that show! :D

2010-01-12T20:58:00.003+08:00

Currently tuning into: Ashley Tisdale - How Do You Love Someone

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that it's time you remembered who you really are. You are not your wallet, your job, your kids, your house. You are not your activities or your worries or the labels other people give you. Like an actor you play these roles, and like a good actor you sometimes forget who you really are. Time to wake up now, and remember that you are a being of immense power and breathtaking beauty created in the image of God.

credits to facebook.

Had training today. It was freaking tiring, but I loved it. Shah was nice, most importantly he was gentle to me haha wtf. I was damn scared that he'll torture me like in boot camp. T_T

N'way, first off, did my body analysis. Dropped another 2kg. Not enough, fer me n'way. Was aiming fer 5 at least be the end of the week. Pfft. Pushing too hard I suppose. Hahaa. Didn't dare eat fer the whole day, takot naik skilo lak lps mkn. HAHA. Mummy lg dahsyat, told me to not drink water too, cuz this morning after drinking coffee she went up 1kg. LOL. I was like, wtf, you want me to pengsan during dance class is it? Sheesh.

After that, Shah asked me to do my warm up, then we started our weights session. Told him I wanted to concentrate more on weights, since I was fine with the cardio part. Got kinda scared when he brought me to the area where all the big buff guys lift their weights HAHA. But it was fun actually, though doing squats with a 20kg barbell on my shoulder was no joke. My legs were trembling. Pfft. I enjoyed it though. Chit chatted a bit, so wasn't really boring. Mainly it was about exercise routines & stuff. Then Sheera just had to come up & chit chat with Shah while I was doing lunges. Ngok nye mamat, u wat I nervous kot. Hahaa lol. Oh, & found out from Shah that Nizam blik kg. Weirdly, in Negeri Sembilan too. Seriously, am I gonna end up marrying some dude from N9 or something? LOL.

After finishing our session, was supposed to go for cycling & belly dancing, but was so pning that I decided against it, & retired fer the day. Kang nnt xpsl2 pengsan. Pfft. Gah. Another 6kg to go, before I will be 100% happy about my weight. :D

1st round at the gym.

Back home.

Remember this bear? Hahaa. Yeap, the one Amin gave me. It's been with me fer a yr now. Amin gave it to me on the 29th of December 2008. Seriously I swear to God I love this bear so goddamn much. Not b'cuz it's from Amin, but b'cuz of the fact that it's been the very comfort to me everytime I feel like I'm losing it. It calmed me down like a drug whenever I cried my eyes out. It gave me the feeling of somehow having Amin around. Rawrrr. Funny what a soft toy, can do to a person.

2010-01-08T20:59:00.003+08:00

Currently tuning into: Leona Lewis - I See You

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that you have to pass through a dark night of the soul. Everyone does, including you. A time comes when what you have always believed is true melts away underneath you. When you cast in doubt even the most obvious, the most simple. When it seems that dark night is all around, and you are all alone. Take heart, this journey through abyss is the final barrier before your emergence into the heavenly light of a new synthesis of your being. God is waiting for you on the other side.

credits to facebook.

Heyyy! Miss me? HAHA. I know, haven't blogged in a long while. Not much updates really, haven't had time to actually blog since every single time I'm on I happen to be busy at myspace. Approving & replying pages of friend requests & cmnts is no joke, really. Lol.

So, how's the 1st week of 2010 been fer me? In general, so far so good. I've been happy & content, keeping myself occupied at the gym, with a utterly over-obsessive addiction to dancing. Ahaha. Been to many dance classes so far: Zumba, Belly Dancing, Hip-hop, Latin Mix. I loved dancing as a kid, dancing on the school benches with Rj. HAHAA. :P

Oh, & since my membership expired last week, mummy renewed mine fer another yr. Yeay! She didn't renew hers, felt like she won't be in any mood to go. Calvin also gave me 2 free personal sessions. Wanted Nizam to train me, but since he was quitting they left me in another personal trainer(PT)'s care, Shah. Yea, all the PTs are guys now. Seronok la akuh HAHAHA. (P.s, let's hope none of the PTs read my blog. Ahahah..) N'way, will be having my 1st training session with Shah on Tuesday. Up to date, lost 10kg. Trying hard to lose another 5kg by then. :|

Oh, & after that I'll be training with Nizam! Yeay! Haha. Texted him the other day, & asked him why he resigned. Said he didn't want to get transfered, so he resigned. Then told me he'd be joining back as a member to train his old clients, & asked me to train with him. Said that we could make it fun. Hahaa. Rawrr. Can't wait man, mesti besh gle. :D

Even mummy was excited. & exaggerated by saying that after this I can ajk him go dating & he'd make a perfect son-in-law & stuff like that. HAHA. Duhh mummy ni, melbih2 tol. But I miss him actually. Not seeing him this whole week, xbiase kot. I'd admit, I've fallen fer some dude that I've seen fer more than 2 yrs but nvr really taken note of. Wtf. It's like Amin all over again, except that this time it's most probably a guy I can't have. T_T

N'way, finals are on the 1st of Feb. & I'm screwed. Besides that, I cut my hair. APT, you suck. Mhal gle babi nak mampos okeh! =.=

Signing off now, I'm tired. Lack of carbs I suppose. Lol. Nitees.

2010-01-01T15:30:00.005+08:00

Currently tuning into: September - Cry For You

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that it's your heart that knows who loves you, not your ears or eyes. Listen to the words, and you can be fooled. Look at the actions, and you can be fooled. Feel deeply into your heart, and then you will know the truth. Who makes your heart soar now? Well, what are you waiting for?

credits to facebook.

Last night? AWESOME okay!! Haha. Celebrated it with Haikal, Saleh, & Aben at Sunway.

N'way, after class, went to the gym. Nasib baik dpt parking ouh. Pfft. Saw Nizam there; his last day of work kot. Oh, Nizam's one of the personal trainers, he did a session with mummy when we 1st started. Wanted to have my 2 free sessions with him, but Calvin, the sales manager said he was stopping. Gah, I'm gonna miss him wey. Wondered who 'N' was? Well, there's your answer. Camne ley minat kat die pun xtau. HAHA. & I barely know him. Always say hi though. Wanted to text him, but seemed kinda awkward. Wtf. Mummy was hinting that he'd make a perfect son-in-law. HAHAHAA. I think she suspected that I like him. :|

N'way, since gym was closing at 8, left by 7.50, after getting all ready. Walked around, waiting fer almost half an hour fer Nad to come. After that, we both waited fer the guys to come. Went to Pizza Hut to have dinner. Kene tunggu oh, damn a lot of people. Had fun at the table, laughing, sharing each others hopes & resolutions fer 2010. A small fight broke out at the table though, between Nad & Saleh. Told Nad to not start spoiling the mood & to lay it down. N'way, managed to save the situation in time. Fer now though. LOL.

While waiting to be served.

Nad. This may possibly be the very last pic I'd ever take with her.
Why? I'll explain later.

After makan went to the game arcade. Aben, yg gle addicted main DDR, played like mad, until eventually he ended up competing with this Chinese dude that was damn friggin pro. Pfft. Actually promised that I'll challenge him, but after seeing the huge crowd there I chickened out. HAHA. Before leaving the arcade however, the only couple among us, Saleh & Nad, got into a fight, again. & trust me, it's like a damn stupid reason to actually argue about. & I mean stupid, big time. So, while Nad became like a total idiot running away while Saleh went looking fer her, Haikal, Aben, & I walked together to the Sunway entrance fer the countdown.

Candid. Ahaha. Haikal was damn proud to wear my university id. LOL. Said he liked my photo there, 'nmpk cam dak skema'. HAHA wtf. -.-

Sooo. The three of us went out, then searched fer the two lovebirds. Found Nad, so I went up to her, & again, told her to stop fighting with Saleh. For God's sakes, it's the last year or 2009, wajib ke korg gado lg? To my utter surprise, before I could finish what I wanted to say she shouted at me & told me to shut up. Pergh, pompuan, ko x bikin pnas lak ati aku kan. Pe lg, sound ah. Shut up huh? I shouted louder at her, saying that she had no fucking right to tell me to shut up.

Lantak ah, ko nak org usha kan, so aku gempakkan lg ah keadaan. Ko igt ko sape, nak suruh aku diam. Bajet aku kan diam2 camtu je? HAHA. Ko igt aku xreti, xbrani nak sound ko blik? HELLO. Aku, dah bkn Farah Alia yg dlu ok. Skang ko jgn igt aku ni snang nak kene buli ngan ko, or ngan sape2 je la. Dahlah gado psl perkare bodo. Saleh just nak phone ko kan. Melainkan ko ade bende nak sembunyi, ssah sgt ke nak bg? Oh wait, mmg ko ade bende nak sembunyi kan? HEEE. Ni br cpl, lom kawen. Bende kecik, wat jd cam dunia dah b'akhir. Cam dak kecik je, xmature lgsg.

Come on ah, Saleh ley dpt yg better dr ko la wey, sorry to say. Ko lgsg xreti menghargai org2 yg syg ko. Jgn ckp Saleh ah, aku & Bell pun ko xreti nak menghargai, nak pggl bestfriend la konon. Sedangkan kwn baik ko dah gi Melaka study pun ko xtau. Then, ble diri sendiri dah wat slah, ley gi slahkan satu dunia. Saleh tu dah kire baik gle ah, ttap b'than ngan prangai ko tuh. Aku simpan je slame ni, tp mlm tu, ko mmg melampau ah. Org semue nak happy2 msuk 2010, ko lak mmg xkan puas ati slg ko xdpt hancurkan mood semue org. Hah, nak suruh aku diam.

That, happened around 10 minutes before midnight. She went away, & we all ignored her. Kesah ah wey! People had already started spraying their snow sprays. Lol. Haikal, disappeared fer a few minutes & came back holding 2 cans of spray. Wtf. Wanted to start spraying, but suddenly we saw 2 police going up to this guy & started scolding him fer using snow spray. But then, everyone started counting down to midnight, & after everyone counted to one there was havoc & everyone was spraying. HAHA. Wat bodo je la abg police hoii. Ngahaha.

We all went mad, spraying like crazy at each other, & I received a blast in the face by Saleh. Msuk mlut la wey! Bwekkk. Got sprayed by people that I didn't know also. Damn funny. Haha. I got lost in the crowd & go separated from them, & while I was busy enjoying myself some dude came up to me, wished me Happy New Year & started spraying me. Haha wtf. Then, pe lg, clubbing hoii! Had to have Haikal looking after me, damn a lot of dudes hanging around eyeing me. Pfft.

All of us, after getting sprayed. Haha.

We all got thirsty, so sat at some place near MOS to lpak2. Saleh was feeling guilty about leaving Nad alone, but I told him to let it off, it wasn't worth his time. He did manage to have fun though, kan Sal? (:

While lepaking, Nad called. I had forgotten tht her keys were with me. So, had to go give it to her. N'way, decided to try again, & asked her why it was so hard for her to just move on & enjoy. Again, she started shouting & said it was Sal's fault fer ruining her night. Haha. Bangang ah betine nih. Ko mmg nak wat aku malu kan, nak jrit kat aku dpan satu Sunway. Wajib ke ko tinggikan suare? Sal hancurkan mlm ko la sgt, pdhal ko sendiri yg hancurkan. Sal gle xsng ati okeh, aku tau, die nmpk happy camne pun aku tau die pkir psl pe.

Aku kesah lak klu ko rase aku nak kutuk2 ko kat sini. Menyesal gak, aku nak tulis semue ni kat blog aku, psl best friend aku lak tu. Ahh. Wait. Best friend? Aku rase friend pun aku dah xnak ngaku kot lps ni. Dah ckup ah aku bg muke kat ko slame nih. Enough, is fucking enough.

Camwhoring before leaving.

Ehh. I forgot what shop. HAHA. Sempat lg doh.

Swt. =____='

We've already been planning, the next countdown's gonna be at The Curve. Early, I know. HAHA. Seriously, the night was damn fun. A lot of myspace friends texted me too, saying that they all saw me at Sunway. Haha.

I started off 2010 as an entirely happy person. & I hope that it will stay that way right until the end. & no cunt is gonna get in my way. One of my resolutions of the yr is just like mummy's; to not care so much anymore.

Oh btw, thx korg, fer the mlm yg gempak! Hahaa. ;D

end of 2009.

2009-12-31T15:14:00.005+08:00

So, finally. Here it is again. The flashbacks of 09'. Yeayyy! :D

It's been a loooong year really fer me. In short, it's been a year of more pain & sadness than happiness fer me. Pfft.

As A Start..
The year that has been awaited fer so long..a secondary school leaver! Hahaa. Basically, a new life, new experiences, new things to think about. In short, experiences in working, SPM results, challenges in attempting to get my driver's license, entering university, more freedom in hanging out with mates. But of course, a whole lot of things happened this year.

Family.
A lot of issues began surfacing in my family this year. Being a school leaver this year & finally having the time to spend with them, I realised just how much family is important to every single individual, no matter what. Unlike lovers & friends they will never abandon you, they're always there when you need them, as long as you reach out. Of course, there are arguments & disagreements now & then, but that's normal I suppose.

La familia. ;)

Apart from that, cats. Why in the family section? Only those with pets would understand. N'way, lost my dear kitty, Thomas, who died after being infected with virus. It was hard fer all of us; he was the baby of the house.

Thomas. I love you my little baby. ):

Friends.
Friends? It's been a whole new year fer me in this part. Fortunately, I still had my besties, Nad & Bell. Bell & I decided to put the past behind us, & to finally start afresh. Now we're the bestest friends ever. (:

Us three, as it has been fer the past few yrs.

However, as the year passed the true colours of certain friends are seen, & you have doubts on whether or not you should keep certain friendships & move on, or to go through confrontation. All my school friends had their own plans in mine, so in the end had to say goodbye to most really. Even Bell, is now studying in Melaka. Still kept in touch with a number of them though, like Bhairavi, Mei Xin, Wan Ying.

Hanging at the mall.

Sleepovers.

Dating. ;)

Friends..

& Irfan. (:
Webcamming.

Made a lot of new friends too. From myspace, from uni, from friends, everywhere in other words. Too many to list out here, but you guys knows who you are. ;)

Studies.
As a start, received my SPM results. 2As, 3Bs, 3Cs, 2Ds. Considering how I was during my final yr at school, my results was fairly good.

Didn't succeed in entering UiTM, thanks to racism wtf. Instead, ended up doing my Foundation in Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman, UTAR. Fyi, I'm the only malay in my sem. Pfft. However, made a lot of new friends, & managed to have some fun too.

Currently in my second semester, & having finals in February. In a worrying stage now, since I'm under probation & will be kicked out if I can't get my pointer up.

First sem.

Second sem.

Love & Relationships.
Aah. We all know I have a lot to say in this part. Hahaa. Well, in short my life did most of its turns due to love. Typical, but I learnt a whole lot, about life, love, & most importantly, myself.

♥

Entered 2009 with the boyf, Amin, or Casper. I loved him with all my heart, & he was the one I wanted to spend my whole life with. Sure, we had our ups & downs, but everyone saw us as the sweetest item ever. Little did I know, that all that was due to change.

On May 6th 2009, due to certain clues & signs, I dug in deeper, only to find out some terrible facts about this boyf of mine, which forced me to change my perspection on everything about us. Found out that he had been cheating on me. On this day I lost all the faith I had in him, which basically left me with doubts, & nothing else but doubts. B'cuz of love I disobeyed one of the prinsips in my life, & chose to stay, knowing that he had someone else. After a day of endless pain & tears he finally broke it off with the other girl, & told me tht he wanted to start anew with me. However, things were bound to get worse.

Due to my insecurity & lack of trust in him, the pressure was building up in me when we seemed to moved further & further apart. He was no longer the person that I knew, the person that loved me & was there with me 24/7. Finally, on the 7th of July 2009, we broke up. Even so, we were as if we had not broken up, as if we were still together. Each day I had to challenge my own head with millions of questions, wondering if he even loved me any more, why he was still treating me as his girlf, why he had to cheat on me if he still loved me, & stuff like that.

A month later I became close to this guy in YM, Phat. Eventually, he started liking me, & asked me to be his girlf. I knew I wasn't ready, so I said no. He pushed, & a few weeks later I decided to give it a try. A week later, he realised that he couldn't make me love him back, that I would never have feelings fer him, & decided to let me go. Of course, the issues between Casper & I were still going on.

Phat. (:
By, I still igt u aite. ;)

A month after being with Phat, I met Ajit, from myspace. Again, the same thing happened. This time, I was sure I was ready fer a new boyf, so I made it a point to try & move on. However, exactly a week after being his girlf, I was still on & off with Casper. I felt guilty; like I was cheating on Ajit, & told him that this just couldn't work out. I knew that I was in no state for another boyf, not at this time.

Ajit.
Thx hunn. (:

One night, Casper revealed almost everything, about how he was having another girlf, despite telling me he was still single. In short, I had been living through his lies all along, & after speaking to his girlf personally, it was sad to know that right up until that very moment he was still lying to me. That night, I knew that I had to move on, like it or not. B'cuz of that I began filling in my free time by going to the gym at every chance I got, apart from classes. Fortunately fer me, due to the exercise I lost weight, & became happier.

Right now? I'm single, & not rushing myself into any relationship fer now, not until I'm 100% ready, or if I find someone that can steal my heart once again.

Myself.
Overall fer me? The year has been shitty really. Haha. Everything did not end up as how I thought it would be, but of course, there are fun times. Been through so much this year, making me learn about life, love, & myself of course.

Love. I always thought I knew what it meant, till this year. Having Amin as my first love, I realised that it wasn't like everything I used to call 'love'. It was so much more, emotionally, mentally & physically. B'cuz of this simple term only did I learn more about myself.

It was scary yet somehow funny to think that b'cuz of it I pushed myself beyond limits that I nvr knew I had before. Smoking, commiting real self-injury, going beyond my boundaries or actually wanting a boyf who had someone else, all the simple things that I told myself I wouldn't do. However, being through so much so far, I've learnt that at times it's best to follow your head & not your heart. Loving a person is one thing, but loving someone who would eventually break you apart is another.

One's thing fer sure though, no matter what, I still try.

The beginning.

Mid-yr.

Now. ;)

2010 Resolutions.

Resolutions? I don't have any atm, cuz I know I won't keep them. Hahaa. But whatever comes by, I'll let it come. ;)

Shoutouts!

Bell; Bitch! HAHA. Aku syg ko k. Study elok2 kat UiTM tuh, jgn jd cam aku lak. Biar pointer dpt 4 flat. Ahaha. Hopefully ley kekal la kite ni jd best friend, lg2 skang dah jrg dpt jumpe kan. 2010 ni wey! Aku hrp ko kekal bahagia ngan Azrie. Suda2 la tuh, couple je la babe! Hahaa. Syg ko lbih la BFFL kuh! ♥

Nad; Rasenye dah byk kali gak ah gado thun nih. HAHA. Standard ah tu kan, gado itu tande syg. HAHAA. ;) N'way, masuk thun br nih, jgn gado2 lg ngan Sal! Klu korg gado due2 aku terajang okeh HOHO. Msuk 2010, dah 8 thun knl wey. Syg ko gak la BFFL kuh!

Casper; Bongok3. Ntah pe lg I nak ckp kt u. Hahaa. Nak baik ngan u pun ssah. Syg punye psl ah. Xpe2, in future, I kan try, xkesah la ble pun, lg sethun ke, seabad ke, pape je la. Hohoho. Jodoh kat tgn Tuhan, I dah mlas nak fkir psl bende yg I xley nak control. Pape pun, I wat sial camne kat u pun, u lyn I sesial mane pun (wtf), tlg la igt smpi ble2 pun, I love you very much okay. Have an awesome yr. All the best. ;)

Haikal; Scandal t'syg! HAHAHA. Xsangke gak I, ley jd rpat camni ngan mmbf kpd bf bestie I. Cam plik je. Haha. But n'way, mmmg besh la dpt knl org cam u. Lps STPM u tuh, jgn lupe, kite enjoy same2! Together ngan yang lain. Heee. (:

Yon; Ni seekor lg scandal t'syg. HAHAA. :P U pun sorg, I xprnh t'fkir pun ley rpat blik ngan u. Dlu mati2 dah igt xkan ckp ngan u semue kan. Ahaha. Klu fkir blik, cam dak kecik lak. Duhh. Awk tuuu, jgn fkir byk sgt. Nak msuk thun br ni, restart la life u skali. U & I situasi same je, tht's why, jgn risau ah, I kan support u aite. Syg u la kwn. (:

Hafiz; I xlupe you okeh! Haha. Thx tau, when I was at my weakest moments u gak yg tlg I bangkit semula. Cheh ayt xnak kalah HAHA. Btw, selain Amin u je eh laki yg prnh dgr I nangis, so baik u ttup mlut. HOHO. N'way, resolutions? Xde was mase skang. Enjoy sudaa. Weee. Have an awesome 2010 yea!

Syukri; Awk ni pun sorg, hilang ke mane tah. Hahaa. Pape pun, dah msuk 3 thun knl wey! Tp xprnh2 jumpe. Pfft. I wish u an awesome yr too yea, hrp dpt b'same dgn yg t'syg. ;)

Other friends; Jgn terase klu I xwat personal shoutout utk korg. Haha. You guys know who you are, surely right? Heee. Had a shitty year like me? Let's all start over aite, it's a new year babyyy. Have an awesome 2010 peeps. ;)

It's officially the end of 2009. Close the book, begin a new one. No more sadness, no more pain. Farewell 2009, Hello 2010.

2009-12-24T17:23:00.005+08:00

Currently tuning into: Lady Gaga ft Beyonce - Telephone

Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna think anymore!
I left my head and my heart on the dance floor.

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that every little part of you is magical. Yes, even the parts that hurt, even the ones that are feeling disease right now. It's alright to love what is in pain. More than alright, that's exactly where your love is needed the most. So why not touch that part that hurts and smile at it, at yourself through it, and whisper: ''I love you.''

credits to facebook.

Went to watch Avatar last night, with mummy, adik, & Mama Ping. Gle cun la wey. The movie's definitely the best I've seen so far, even better than 2012. So people, go watch if you haven't! ;D

Meanwhile, last night I made a huge, not to mention stupid mistake. Was sleeping when some unknown number called. N'way, from what I saw, it was Casper. So pe lg, angkat je la kan. From my voice it was obvious I was sleeping, so he told me to go back to sleep, supposingly nak dodoikan aku la HAHA wtf. N'way, talked to him as if I was talking to Casper, then ended the call. So tried to go back to sleep, but felt like something wasn't right. Fer one, I had already saved his number again the other day. So I checked back the number, & it was not his number after all.

Texted & ask who it was, & apparently it was some myspace dudee. Punye la malu akuh wey! Sumpah suare cam die ouh! Pfft. I was already starting to feel like something wasn't quite right; having him call me 2 nights in a row la kan. Ko dah ade betine ko sorg tuh ade mase lak nak cari akuh. Sheesh. Crap, getting him out of my life was already one issue, now I have to hallucinate about him too? Pfft-ness.

In the morning, went to the gym, as usual. Decidede to join this dance class, called Zumba. Cam besh je kan. & trust me, it was funnnn! I enjoyed it oh so much. It had all sorts of dances in one; tango, mambo, cha cha, disco, ballroom dancing, clubbing, belly dancing, sexy, & at some point, bollywood HAHA. With assets like mine I can fucking shake it & make it sexy okay. HAHAHAHA. But I sucked at ballroom dancing though. Seriously, I'm no Cinderella. Pfft.

N'way, at night went to lpak shisha with Bell, & her sisters, Nabihah & Nadia. Last day jumpe ouh, she's going to Melaka. Gahhhh rindu la ko wey nnt! ):
After went back to their house to play Monopoly. Bankrup kot. T_T

Lpak shishaa.

Monopolyy!

Meanwhile, seeing my shoulders under the light is frightenening. I almost wanted to cry just now. The skin on my shoulders are red & raw, which is obvious that they will be staying that way. Seen fire victims? Tht's what I'm talking about. Sob. No more sleveless tops fer me. Gah.

A week till 2009 ends. & I'm in the process of doing my yr end synopsis. (:

2009-12-21T10:57:00.006+08:00

Currently tuning into: Rihanna - Russian Roulette

And you can see my heart beating,
You can see it through my chest,
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving,
Know that I must pass this test,
So just pull the trigger.

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that every moment is an opportunity for you to be happy. You know how sometimes it seems that life is just throwing you one curved ball after another? Well, guess what, - you have a great way to respond! - you can use every opportunity, every single one, to be happy. Don't just take a shower - feel into and receive pleasure from the water on your skin. Don't just walk on the street - enjoy the fragrances of the trees and the flowers on your way. Don't just drive your car - sing karaoke to your favorite radio station.

credits to facebook.

It's Frh, bby! HOHO. Haven't posted in more than a week. Let's just say, there's not much really in life. Randoms, ups & downs, tu je. Xmenarik pun. As if my life was ever interesting. LOL.

Oh, went to Desa Waterpark yesterday. First family outing in like, only God knows how many years. Pfft. Damn awkward actually, seeing how mummy is with papa. Seriously, looking at them, I can't help but feel hatred. How the fuck does mummy tolerate all that shit? But then again, shouldn't I be asking myself the same thing? Sheesh. At least now I know where I get that ridiculously strong will. T_T

N'way, Desa Waterpark? Biase je kot. Kinda boring. 2 slides, this Lazy River where you can just drift around in that float, a WaveShock pool, like the one in Sunway. Spent my time 'tanning' in the Lazy River. Smpi t'lbih msak kot agknye HAHAHAA. Then waited for like almost an hour in the Wave Shock just to experience the waves. Mane la xhangus kan akuh. Even adik was even terer than me, going on the slides. I was abit the mlas, too many ppl. Ngeh.

So, the best part was where I went to the Shockwave pool. Finally, the waves were on, so pe lg, enjoy gle babi kot, on my pelampung. Hoho. Mind you, there was so many people, you'd be thinking Titanic just sank or summat. LOL. Well, was on my own, then this guy asked me to join his gang, mainly couples la. Besh gle lak, we were holding on to each other, trying to stay on our floats while this guy tried to 'selamatkan' me. HAHA WTF weh. Sorg dr gang tu sempat nak ngorat aku, pdhal ade ngan awek tuu. T_T

By the end of the day, I had serious sunburn. & I mean serious wey. My skin's all red, irritated, itchy, & plain sore. Damn fucking pain wey. Pfft. The best thing is, there wasn't even any sun. 2012 I suppose. Wtf. Oh, & did I mention? I think I was the only adult wearing a swimsuit there. T_T

The effects are worse today. I can't even wear my clothes without wanting to cry. Pfft.
P.s, meant to take pics from a distance, any closer & some readers in particular may start laughing. Pfft.

At uni all my classmates pointed at my face & asked what happened. As half the day passed before they could even ask I said sunburn. Lol. Oh, & there's this guy in Sociology class that I'm seriously crushing wey. HAHA. Gahhh. Sempat lak die malu2 mase aku tego td. Ngahahahah.

The only thing that cheered me up today was my body analysis test that Nizam helped me do at the gym. Woohooo semue trun! Ok, not all obviously, only those that are supposed to be decreased. Lmao. Not telling my weight here, but up to date I've lost 8kg, since I started this depression-at-the-gym-session. Swt.

Mummy however, very the xpuas ati mainly b'cuz everything went down, including her muscle mass. LOLOLOL. She hasn't been eating for days since this whole family incident thingy, & all she actually digests is coffee. Sheesh. But anyhow, she's scheming, to get even. Yesterday mummy said she felt like kicking Papa into the pool. HAHAA. Yea bby, now you know where Farah Alia gets her stuff. ;)

N'way, here's some pics from the past week.

Had my Sociology presentation last week. Say hi to my group mmbrs. ;)

Randoms. I still think I look ridiculously thin in the top pic.
T_T

Another week till I post my year-end synopsis.
Boy I can't wait.

2009-12-13T02:11:00.002+08:00

Currently tuning into: Lady Gaga - Bad Romance

I want your ugly,
I want your disease,
I want your everything,
As long as it's free,
I want your love.

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that nothing is exciting if you know what the outcome is going to be. You keep wanting to know how things will play out, keep asking to see the future. God doesn't give anyone the power to know the future, because life becomes maddeningly boring when you know everything upfront. So, instead of struggling, enjoy the uncertainty - to be alive means to not know.

credits to facebook.

Went to Bell's sis' hse in USJ 22 today. Lpak suda. Together with Faiq, my ms friend who's also her neighbour.

After that went to Pappa Rich at Taipan, met Nad, then lepak rooftop. Here's pics!

So what if I look fat in most of the pics; I know I've lost a lot in real life, so, kesah abis.

After that, went back to Usj 22 to lpak yet again.

Faiq ok.
;)

Meanwhile, my family's in risk of falling apart.
Seriously why the fuck do men have to be such bastards.
Gah.

2009-12-11T01:30:00.003+08:00

Currently tuning into: Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You

All the feelings that I get,
But I still don't miss you yet,

Only when I stop to think about it.

I hate everything about you,
Why do I love you.

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that there is a miracle waiting for you this minute, - please make room for it in your thinking. God has no need to prove anything to you, so if you don't believe in miracles, you are not likely to receive one. How do you believe in miracles? You believe by keeping your eyes open - miracles often come in ways unexpected, and might leave unrecognized unless you pay attention.

credits to facebook.

Had one hell of a day today. Went to Mid Valley with Bell to hang out with Haikal, Aben, Shark, Pojie, & Mior. Arrived at around 1.30pm, due to heavy traffic. Had lunch at the food court, after that went to some staircase to lpak2 & smoke. Lol. After that walked around, & decided to catch a movie.

Mior, Shark, Bell, Pojie. 1st one's candid hahaa.

After buying the tickets.
We ended up buying tickets fer the movie Couple's Retreat.

Since we had a hr to kill, walked around yet again, & finally ended up in the bowling alley, where Aben, Haikal, & Shark played bowling, while the rest of us joked & laughed like no one's business. Haha. Hilang suare lak. T_T

Aben. Hak milik Bell okeh. HAHA. (:

Haikal! Many actually thought tht he was my boyf. Haha. Kwn baik suda, kan2? (:

Pojie the mechanic! Haha. He's studying in the mechanical sec,or sumthing like that.

Mior! Adik kitorg ok! Haha. Still having his SPM. Lol.

Shark! Ni dak plg besh klu nak lpak. :D

Us. <33

After that, went to watch the movie. Sumph klaka gle seh! Basically its about a few married couples going to some island to supposingly improve their relationships, with many obstacles in the way. Pcah prut glak kot. Lol. N'way, after that went to lpak outside, jln2 once again, then finally ended up in Rasa Mas to have dinner.

Bell the bestie yaww. <33

Lost much? LOL.

Snapped by Haikal. When girlfriends get together. ;)

Lepaking outside.

A shoulder to lean on. Haha wtf. Pnat gle kot.
=.=

Rase Mas. We all sat at one table, & forced Bell & Aben to sit at a separate one. Dating la kan HAHA.

I'm tired, & I wanna go cycling tmrw morning. It's friggin 3.30am fer crying out loud.
Nite bbys.
<3

2009-12-10T01:20:00.003+08:00

Currently tuning into: Britney Spears - Three

Babe, pick a night,
To come out and play,
If it's alright,
What do you say? ;p

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that you've been driving yourself too hard lately. Sure, there is time to invest yourself fully into work, but there is equally important time for joyful resting. And for you, this time is now. What is the absolutely most wonderful little treat you can give yourself? Do it today.

credits to facebook.

Haha. So that girl I was mentioning about in my previous blogpost deleted her blog, or changed her url, wtvr. Well, I didn't mention names did I? Hah. Fyi, I don't simply talk bad without reason. Well, proves that you actually visit my blog regularly. Thx. LMAO. Sry if I seem harsh, but someone seriously has to wake you up.

N'way, had another Mass Comm presentation. Last week was the host group of a mock press conference, this week, the media group. Had no idea on what to wear(formal la kan) so ended up ransacking my clothes fer something suitable.

1st, wanted to wear this, but the skirt was too short so I wore leggings. But then it seemed casual. & to add a shawl to cover my shoulders, cam gi prom la plak HAHA.
=.=

So settled fer this; a singlet, short skirt, & blazer.
Muke br bgun la wey HAHA.

Fyi, the blazer belongs to mummy, Just a few mths ago, I wore it. & crap, you couldn't imagine just how tight it was. I couldn't even button up the outer part of the blazer, so don't even talk about the inner. Now, I can button it all up & still have some loose space. Rawrr. I've never felt any greater bout myself.
Lost weight, lost the sadness, gained confidence, gained happiness. I'm all me yaww. ;)

So, after classes mummy decided to buy lunch at my uni cafeteria. Otw there, tetibe je ley sound I. "Good lar Farah..smoke..smoke some more," I was like, wtf? Dah stop smoke lak. I only smoke during lepaking moments, & that rarely happens nowadays; I'd rather shisha. & I don't buy my own cigs anymore. So, genuinely confused I ask mummy why, & swore that I quitted. Told me that she found a pack of cigs in my car. Lgla aku wtf kan. Tiap2 ari aku gune kete xprnh2 lak aku jumpe rokok. & if I was still smoking I'd be smart enough to hide my cigs. Besides, it was Salem Elite, not Sampoerna, which is the only cig I'd smoke. Turns out the ex-boyf Ajit left it in my car mase lepak arituh. Sheesh u ni kan yunk, nasib baik I pndi cover, klu x mampos I. T_T

Then, had my Web Page Design mid term exam at 5. Gah, I forgot all the codes. I only rmbr them when I'm typing, not writing. Pfft, abis la aku. & now I'm dead busy with assignments. Sociolog presentation on Monday. Sheesh.

Oh, just now one of my myspace friends mintak couple. Aku pantang ah bab couple2 nih. Fer now, I just wanna have fun & not commit. Thx to some idiot who made me realise that there's no point in loving someone. Especially when he called last night.

Yea, Casper called again last night, & again became his stupid un-serious self. Sumpah benci. He can still call & laugh & joke around with me, after all the pain he caused me. Urgh, boys, are all like that really? Suddenly said he told Umi he wanted to marry me & Wani & when I started arguing with him he said I was jealous. Aku nak jeles? Come on ah bai, skang aku petik jari dah ley dpt mane2 laki aku nak, nak jeles la sgt kan. & then this time, it was my turn to hang up on him.

His stupid claims, bout telling Umi this & telling Umi that, when I know that she knows nothing, & wouldn't have if I didn't open my mouth that day. Even mummy doesn't want to see his face anymore, not after knowing him for what he did to me, & told me to ignore him completely.

But despite all the pissed-off feelings, as usual, I couldn't go to sleep after talking to him. That's mainly why I don't want to talk to him, something about me just goes wrong after he appears. Yet I somehow feel like kicking myself for picking up the phone when I know its him. & I still wonder how we made it through these few months this way. Don't even mention 'we', I mean ME. & to think, as mad as I sound, how I actually still love him. Urgh.

Nvm, kesah. As I had learnt from tht movie Ghosts Of Girlf's Past, playboys always die alone.

Going to Mid tmrw with Bell, Haikal & the boys. & maybe jumpe Izz la kot, klu die rjin dtg Mid nnt. I still majok ngan u okeh, psl ari ni! Hmmph!

2009-12-08T01:06:00.005+08:00

Currently tuning into: Orianthi - According To You

According to me,
you're stupid,
you're useless,
you can't do anything right.

But according to him
I'm beautiful, incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.

According to him,
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.

Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
baby tell me what I got to lose.
He's into me for everything I'm not,
according to you.

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that faith is exactly what it takes to get through uncertainty. Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive!

credits to facebook.

Finally watched 2012 with mummy, adik, aunts & my uncle just now, kat Summit. Besh ouhh. One of a kind, fer me n'way. Funny, touching, sad, all emotions in one. Really gets you thinking about stuff.

Right, so now's fer a few cmnts.

To my ex-boyf's ex-girlf before me, I've been observing your blog for quite some time now. & seriously, would it kill you if you stop taking quotes off my myspace or blog? Woman, I read your blog & I know exactly where certain sentences are taken off. Things like this is not even half of them. friends, you know who you are, & life's a bitch but i'm still here, & life isn't a bed of roses, are obviously taken from my ms/blog, no matter how you plan to twist the words around. I would have kept quiet if it wasn't fer the fact that every new quote that I change in myspace just happens to end up in your blog profile.

& fyi, your English, seriously needs improving. I've been getting our ex-boyf to learn proper English ever since I was with him & put it this way, his English is so much better than yours. It's good that you're putting effort in using it, but what's the point in posting a blogpost in full broken English? Reading through I always get stuck between wanting to laugh or wanting to correct you. Not intentionally wanting to be insulting here, but all this just sends the msg out to ppl that you're fake. oh, & don't worry, I don't plan on giving out your blog url here.

I still don't understand why the hell so many ppl like to copy me. Just the other day an ex-schoolmate of mine copied & pasted my whole 'about me' section into her own page, changing the details of course. Be fucking original fer God's sakes.

Now that I'm done dissing people WTF, let's talk about that stupid community in myspace that posted a whole lot of rubbish about me on their page. Only a few days back I was greeted by more than 100 f.requests in myspace. & the number's still going up. As I had suspected, a lot of them had added me from that page, since my url's there. The community's now been seen by quite a number of ppl. Had many myspacers warning me, when I had already known fer ages.

Well, they got to know me themselves, & cmnted that I wasn't at all like what the page claimed me to be. Hah, beat that you idiots. You bastards think you can make the whole world see how terrible I supposingly am when basically, they have the brains to get to know me themselves & see fer themselves how I really am. Nak ckp aku bodo pebende semue. Korg lg bodo kot, reti nak kutuk2 org semue, diri sendiri tu alim gle babi ke sgt skang? Solat dah ckup 5 ke? Nak jd uztazah lak. Xpuas ati sgt ngan akuh kan. Korg kutuk, aku yg dpt popularity ah bai! HAHAA. ;)

Oh, did you know just how hard it is to be a playa? Not to mention expensive too HAHA. Kene topup sll bai, nak msg kan. Yea, I'm no longer Farah your bongok who's oh-so-seriously in love. Serious, is not in my fucking vocabulary anymore dudeee. I play the friggin field, & I'm enjoying it. I can have all the guys I want, without getting hurt, without hurting others. I can flirt without going over, I can simply go out dating with any guy & act like he's my boyf without being in a official relationship, I have company every single minute of the day, & bottom line, I'm having fun. The bad part is where you get slightly attached to a few & you don't know which one to choose. :|

I'm happy, & I'm not gonna get myself into another relationship fer now. That's fer suree.

Did a webcamming session last night, & ended up wc-ing with more than 15 ppl.HOHO. Semue cmnt, ckp I lgsg xsenyum. Pastu ble I senyum xpun glak masing2 kecoh gle. HAHAH.

Izz syg! Rinduuuuuu! Ble la you ade mase nak lpak nih, asyik keje je. Ble u ajk I lak yg xde. Pfft. Dahlah nnt u nak blik UiTM dah. ):

2009-12-06T01:09:00.002+08:00

Currently tuning into: Cascada - Dangerous

Give me a break,
I'm melting away,
You're so dangerous,
Or is it too late?
Gotta know what's on your mind.

I'm out of control,
Cause you want it all,
You're so dangerous,
My biggest mistake,
I'm blinded by your eyes.

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

Just rest for a moment. It's OK. Yes, things are crazy, yes, the world is going nuts. Yet, deep underneath the stormy waves, there, in the core of your being, there is pure silence, pure love. And ... it's ... just ... OK.

credits to facebook.

Hell yea it's December bbys! The final month of 2009. I'm glad it's almost over, this year has been hell fer me. But finally, after a whole year of hearing lies from the person I loved the most, I broke free & brought myself up again.

Now, thinking back, it's all a blessing in disguise. Finding out the whole truth in the end from Amin hit me hard in the head, causing me to land in depression. To forget everything I filled in all the free time I had. If it wasn't classes I'd be at the gym, working on making my whole body ache just so that I could forget all the emotional pain I was feeling. By the time I go home I'd be so tired I'd go to bed straight away.

At this moment, I'm happy. Due to all that exercise & rest I freed myself from the emotion torture I had been going through these past months. I'm not all slim yet, but at least I'm healthy, & most importantly, happy with what I have. In conclusion, I gained more than I expected. He, however, had a huge loss, losing me, & I wish him the best in continuing his stupid, foolish lies & acts. I still love him, but I've had enough. Loving you doesn't mean I should be sacrificing my whole life to you.

N'way, updates. Here's some pics.

Had my Mass Comm presentation a few days back.
It, was terrible. Pfft.

Meet Ajit! My last ex-boyf. Was with him some time after Raye, but due to me not being ready I had to break it off.
Spent quite some time with him these few days. 1st time jumpe okeh! Hahaa. He's a niceeee guy. <3
(p/s, muke kuh sial. HAHA.)

Of course, more lpak shisha sessions with the bestie.

Been addicted to DDR. I'm just so in the mood fer dancing nowadays. Especially since that Hip-Hop class I took last week at gym. Haha. Besh doh!
The pics, mins after dancing away. LOL.

So it's 4am, & I need to get to bed.
Nite loves.
xoxo.

2009-11-29T14:49:00.003+08:00

Currently tuning into: Boys Like Girls - Two Is Better Than One

I remember what you wore on the first day,
You came into my life,
And I thought hey,
You know this could be something,
'Cause everything you do and words you say,
You know that it all takes my breath away,
And now I'm left with nothing.

'Cause maybe it's true, that I can't live without you,
Well maybe two is better than one,
There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life,
And you've already got me coming undone,
And I'm thinking two, is better than one.

On This Day In Your Life Farah, God Wants You To Know..

that today you have a cause for celebration. Today, you should celebrate what an unbelievable life you have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make you stronger. Just as a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor can a life be perfected ...without trials. Take a time to acknowledge your life and to praise yourself.

credits to facebook.

Yesterday went to Sunway with my family. Adik had been bugging Papa to buy a PSP fer quite some time now, so he finally decided to buy it. Wtf. However, by the time we left Sunway we didn't get a PSP, but ended up getting a Wii. Yeay! =.=

Oh, & Papa bought a tv just so that we can have the old one for the Wii. Tetibe cam orang kaya lak family akuh smlm.
>.<

Wii! & my DDR mat. (:

Bored, while waiting fer papa & mummy to choose a tv.

Negotiating. =.=

This is what happens when you're bored & hungry. Random camwhoring. Pfft.

Stopped by at my auntie's house. Here's my new cousin sis, Mya Mikaella. ;)

Wii, you're finally homeeee. HAHAA.

Oh, & last Thursday watched New Moon with Aben & Bell. First time doh, watching a movie right on the it's day released. N'way, the movie was awesomeeee! Robert's fucking hot okay! Lmao. Cried at some parts of the movie, being the sensitive me. Lol. But our seating, gle ah. 2nd row kot. Sakit leher tgk. T_T

Nx movie stop, 2012 & A Xmas Carol 3D. (:

Oh, & a small reminder to someone, I don't like being accused of being rich, just b'cuz I'm able to go lpak shisha/minum every night, or stuff like that. Hello, my parents are the ones with the fucking money, not me. & if they really were that rich I'd be having enough money to but all sorts of branded clothes by now. Stkat 5 hinggit dlm wallet aku skang, xjd pe la sial. Aku fuck org yg bajet family aku ni kaya-raya, fham?

Nx, you'd choose going out with boys over your best friends? Wow, it's no surprise to me actually, coming from you. You & your excuses.

Btw, to Haikal: Cpat blik KL! Rinduuuuu! HAHA. Bell, Aben, & I sedang menanti kepulangan you dr JB nih, nak gi double date. HAHAA.

P.s, I've been abit the lazy in updating this blog so forgive me really. But don't worry, the year-end synopsis is A MUST.
:D

2009-11-24T23:15:00.002+08:00

Currently tuning into: Lenka - Bring Me Down

Where did we go wrong?
We let it be so long,
But now there's no point turning back, let's face the facts.

The writing's on the wall, there's nothing to say anymore,
So I'll leave before I fall apart right back into your arms,
The writing's on the wall, you gave nothing and I gave it all,
But I want something better and I won't let this burden bring me down.

So, just got back. Again skipped class & went to Mid Valley fer cycling. After that went to fetch Izz, then take away KFC & blik my house mkn. Lpak2 kjp, then singgah rumah Bell, then fetch him back. Lps tu, mlm, lpak shisha again with Nbhh & Bell. In other words, I've been out all day fer the past fews, I'm terribly broke, & I'm currently hating studies.
=.=

Esok exam Mass Comm bai. Kene study 6 topic bai. Blom bace pape bai. You nye psl la ni Izz sygs, dok dating je keje kite. HAHAA. T_T

2009-11-23T23:31:00.002+08:00

Currently tuning into: Beyonce Knowles - Sweet Dreams

My guilty pleasure, I ain't going no where,
Baby long as you're here I'll be floating on air,
'Cause you're my..

You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare,
Either way I don't wanna wake up from you.

Kene kaco hantu ah sial! T_T

Last night Casper called me, when I was asleep. He was smart enough to call me using some other number, cuz basically, I wouldn't bother answering it if I knew it was him. N'way, after talking fer a bit I started shivering, so bad that I stopped talking. Suddenly I was freezing, shivering so hard, finding it very hard to breathe. With difficulty, told Casper to call back some other time; wasn't feeling well. Basically, what happened after that, I'm not sure, since I somehow passed out.
:|

N'way, today skipped all classes & went to Mid Valley. HAHAH. Mlas kot. Went to gym, then after that went 'dating' with Izz. Hoho. He's a Sarawakian, staying in PJ, studying in UiTM Dungun. Walked around Mid, having no idea on what to do, so in the end went pusing2 around his area in PJ. Lmao. After that, again xtau nak gi mane, so ended up staying at my house learning how to cook. HAHA. He's doing his dip in Culinary Arts, so we spent the afternoon watching the Asian Food channel. Wtf. Oh, house was empty, mummy & adik blik kg. Heh.

Gym.

After went to fetch Bhai, sent Izz home, then went to lpak shisha with Bell at Star Cafe.

(:
Die malu2 cat, aku xreti nak tgkp gmbr elok2, so itula hasilnye. HAHAA.

'Effects', thx to Nabih0h0h0. Wtf.

2009-11-22T23:54:00.001+08:00

Currently tuning into: Alexandra Burke - Bad Boys

Some think it's complicated
But they're straight upfront for me
I don't need no explanation
It's nothing more than what you see here
My heart still feels divided
Halfway between wrong and right
I know I'm playing with fire
But I don't know why

Saturday, November 21st.

Had Writing For Business replacement lecture in the morning. Class was supposed to start at 10, but Mr Yaw arrived at almost 11. Claimed that he forgot got class. Wtf. So basically, I went all the way there fer a stupid one hour lecture. Pfft.

After class patah blik Subang. I wanted to go to Keramat but Umi didn't call me yet, so decided to hang around at Nad's. Had lunch there, & at around 2 Umi called me, telling me that she was at home already but it seemed like it was gonna rain, so suggested me coming another day. Told her it was okay, wasn't raining in Subang yet, & I was fine. Had been wanting to go back there fer quite a while now n'way; wasn't gonna cancel it over a little rain. So pe lg, grak la ngan Nad.

Arrived there at around 4-ish. Was drizzling a little along the way, kinda jam, but otherwise fine. Punye la excited nak gi Keramat kan. Haha. So, as usual, chit chatted with Umi, helped her prepare tea. Asked Yon to drop by too, since I promised that I'll meet him when I went there. Yon pun rase plik, 1st time dtg rumah Casper tp Casper xde. Hahaa.

Chit chatted about random stuff with Umi, the four of us. Told me that Amin didn't call her this week, & asked me if I knew where he was. I told her that I didn't know, hadn't contacted him since my b'day. Basically, I was lying. I knew fully well where the fuck he was, being at his girlf's house in Ipoh, but I didn't want to create trouble, since basically, it was obvious that she had no idea that Amin was no longer with me. P.s, to Amin; I didn't do it to save your fucking ass, I did it just so that Umi didn't have to worry so much about this fucked-up son of hers.

Then in the end I asked her about Wani. Had the sudden urge to ask her, to see how much she knew. Not gonna give full details here, b'cuz I don't think Casper should know what I had been talking about to his mum. In short, the interesting part was when I came clean with her, telling her everything, mainly about how I had already broken up with him in July, but he just so happened to be with that girl since before we broke up.

Umi, was obviously dead shocked when I told her that I had broken up with Amin a few mths back. Didn't dare look at her after I finished, was on the verge of crying. Eventhough I didn't look at her, I could practically feel the look on her face. As Nad said, there was a genuine look of shock after hearing what I had to say. She knew, that I meant what I said, that I wasn't playing around, that all this while I was serious in being with Amin.

N'way, after a little advise from her & stuff, I swear to God I felt better. All her words were comforting & supportive, & somewhat similar to mummy's. I'm already part of the family, what's left to say really. At 7 had to leave, since Nad was complaining on wanting to go home. Pfft. Before leaving, left Amin's shirt, my other necklace, & a cd of all our pics in his room. His whole room was all empty, except for some junk & obviously, my 'Amin♥Farah' necklace was still there too. Pape je la. Umi, Ayah & kak Intan wanted me to follow them to some kenduri, but since I had company, xjd la kot. Haha. N'way, she was sweet. Asked me to come over during Raya Haji, if I xjd blik kg.

To Yon: I sll lupe nak snap pic ngan you ouh.
=.=

Sunday, November 22nd.

Was supposed to go to Desa Waterpark with mummy, but xjd. Fer one, she was sick, & we didn't even know the way there. Sheesh. So, decided to go to the gym. Nad said she was gonna be there with Saleh & Aben, so since my plans were cancelled considered joining them after my gym session.

At first was very the mlas, cuz Haikal said that he couldn't come, but in the end he came with some of his other friends, but told me not to tell Nad & Saleh. Lol.

So, after gym when to meet Nad & the gang at the game arcade. was busy texting with Haikal, until Nad asked me who I was texting with. Told her some random myspace dudee. Haha. Then last2 when to look for Haikal, & brought him to them. Punye la t'kjut dorg. Ahaha. Oh, & I played DDR for the 1st time in a game arcade! HAHA. Besh la gak.

After that when to KFC, where we met the rest of the gang, Syukri, Syakir, & Poji. Said there laughing like org gile. Haha wtf. After that went out lpak.

Merempat kat tgh2 jln HAHA.

Nad. Haikal menyibuk blkg! :P

Aben tido hahaa. Kononnye sweet la sgt kan muke akuh. T_T'

Candid.

Haikal snap pic Syukri. Menyibuk jap. Hahaa.

Haikal & Saleh.

Pic2 yg menimbulkan persoalan. HAHAA wtf.

At last, main game lg. Wtf.

Abg gymmmmm! I nak youuuuu!!!! NGAHAHAHAHAHA.
>.<"

2009-11-18T01:34:00.004+08:00

Currently tuning into: Demi Lovato - Don't Forget

Did you forget,
That I was even alive,
Did you forget,
Everything we ever had,
Did you forget,
Did you forget,
About me.

But somewhere we went wrong,
We were once so strong,
Our love is like a song,
You can't forget it.

Disebabkan En Mohd Amirul Azhar aka YON nak I post blog yg sepenuhnya dlm BM, ni la die. Khas utk u la si bongok eh. HAHA. (:

Ari ni ponteng class Mass Comm ouh. Gi lpak Summit, karaoke. Dahlah esok exam. Hbat gle aku nih. Heh. Tgh ari camtu si Nad text I, ajk lpak, skali ngan Saleh, Haikal & Aben. Then suruh I ajk Bell skali. So, pe lg, on je la kan. Hoho.

Gi rumah Bell lepak jap, pastu grak Summit. Mkn2 kat kdai pe tah, lps tu gi karaoke! Weeee. Tp kan, mase karaoke tu, tetibe je I xde mood. T'fkir psl si bongok tu laa. Haihz, sdih tol idop aku ni. Pe lg, start nangis la kan. Yg lain pun dah plik HAHA. Ntah, rase cam dah t'lbih memendamkan perasaan. Meletop la aku gak akhirnye kan.

Lgu terakhir. Melompat lg tinggi. Haha. Lgu ni je kot yg wat semue b'semangat. Lol.

Kami!;)

Haikal, 'scandal' t'syg. HAHA wtf.

Snap, snap , & snap lagiiiii.
=.=

Lps karaoke tu Is call I. Kate die ade kat KL skang. Ley suruh I gi ambik die kat Pudu. Aku tau lak jln kan. Pastu, mlm tu die call lg. Kate die saje je dtg KL, psl nak jumpe I. Die rase cam suke I lg, syg I lg. Then nak mintak cpl blik. Heh, sry ah wey. I dah xley ouh nak cpl ngan org lain. Ble bygkan diri I ngan org lain pun dah rase smcm doh. Lg2 ble fkir pe yg I wat kat u dlu kan. Tp tu pun u bknnye tau. Pfft. N'way, skang pun I scandal b'lambak, xkan u nak I ulang blik bende same mase cpl dlu kan.

Then, si Izz lak, majok ngan I. Psl pe? Psl I xjd gi Mid jumpe die. Heh. Izz tu sape? Bkal bf je HAHAA. Cheh xde la.

Nah Yon, ambik ko. Satu post complete dlm bm. Ahaha. Plik doh, sumpah xske post dlm bm.
T_T

B'day.

2009-11-14T15:28:00.003+08:00

Currently tuning into: Ashley Tisdale - What If

Don't speak,
I can't believe, this is here happening,
Our situation isn't right,
Get real, who you playing with,
I never thought you'd be like this,
You were supposed to be there by my side.

When you say that you want me,
I just don't believe it,
You're always ready to give up and never turn around.

But what if I need you baby,
Would you even try to save me,
Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true,
What if I said I loved you,
Would you be the one to run to,
Or would you watch me walk away without a fight.

I'm so sick of worrying that you're gonna quit over anything,
I could trip and you let go like that,
And everything that we ever were,
It seems to fade, but not the hurt,
'Cause you don't know the good things from the bad.

When I say that I want you,
You know that I mean it,
And in my hour of weakness,
There's still time to try.

Everytime I speak you try and stop me,
'Cause every little thing I say is wrong,
You say you're noticing, but you'll never see,
This is who I really am but you can't relate,
Makes me wanna know right now if it's me you'll live without,
Or would you change your mind?

What if I need you.

So. My b'day was a nice one I suppose last night.

Celebrated my b'day at Star Cafe with Bell, Nad, Saleh, Haikal, Mirul, & Adie. Why Star Cafe? Port lepak shisha kitorg HAHA. N'way, Nad bought me this childish cake. Personally, I expected something nicer fer my 18th b'day. After all, I was the one paying for it. But wtvr, diam je la.

The cake. =.=

Snapped by Haikal.

So, after eating cake, we all supposingly wanted to go snap photos at a corner nearby. Skali, at my most unexpected moment I was bombarded by flour & glitter. Right. At first I was damn pissed, this was my 18th b'day, I wanted it to be special. I spent almost a hundred, my own fucking money mind you, buying the clothes I was wearing, which was ruined. N'way, at first I threw a bitch fit, shouting at everyone, but the whole thing already happened, I couldn't do anything, so I just had to pull myself up & start laughing.

Nmpk haaa. Minutes before being attacked. Pfft.

After that went back to Bell's house to take a shower, & got attacked again, this time by water balloons. Pfft. Bottom line, this wasn't what I planned, it was more childish than special, but fun I suppose. P.s, note to self, no more b'days with them after this. & I'm serious.

Well, a lot of people wished me, smses, ms, fb. & the people at Star Cafe. Kinda touched really. Haha. Nvr received so many wishes before. My fb wall was pratically full of wishes. Lol. But the most special & unexpected wish was from Amin's umi.

Was having my business lecture when I received a text msg from Umi. Thought it was Amin, but then I read it & almost cried. Yes, I almost cried. It was from her, wishing me Happy B'day. Instantly there was this feeling building up inside me, feeling touched & somewhat guilty. B'cuz of everything going on with me & Amin I didn't even bother texting or calling her any longer, b'cuz I was assuming that, after all, I am her son's ex-girlf, why would she want to give a damn about me anymore, she can always get to know her new future daughter-in-law. Guess I was wrong. Which is why I've made it a point to go visit her next week. She's always been like my second mother, & I love her, Amin or no Amin.

So, to continue on, after midnight Amin came to Subang, with Yon & Anas. So, went to Star Cafe again with Bell. Didn't do much, just hung out, shisha, drinks, cigs. Lol. Then Amin told me to go with him to his car, apparently my present from his sis was 'very big'. Yea, a bracelet's very huge la kan. >.<

So, hung out in his car, talking & stuff. Obviously Yon & Bell thought we were somehow 'getting it on' in the car. HAHA WTF. Did a little talking, about his girlf, us, things like that. I didn't know what to say really, I've long since gone over that stage of hoping to be with him again, of hoping that he'll change. B'cuz I know now, he'll never change, & we'll never be together again. Which is why I officially sealed my lips shut. I do love him, I still miss him, but I'll keep that to my own self now.

Got back home at 3. Papa asked me where I went. I said, to celebrate b'day. The best thing is, he asked who's b'day. When I said mine, he kept quiet & went back to sleep. Nice isn't it, how your own father forgets your b'day. It's either b'cuz he's getting old, or he's just being ignorant.

Bottom line, by the end of my b'day night I was damn sober. & only God knows what my b'day wish was.

2009-11-12T23:32:00.002+08:00

Currently tuning into: Kesha - Tik Tok

Im talkin' bout - everybody getting crunk, crunk,
Boys tryna touch my junk, junk,
Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk,
Now, now - we goin til they kick us out, out,
Or the police shut us down, down,
Police shut us down, down,
Po-po shut us -

Dont stop, make it pop,
DJ, blow my speakers up,
Tonight, Ima fight,
Til we see the sunlight,
Tick tock, on the clock,
But the party dont stop no,
Woah-oh oh oh,
Woah-oh oh oh! ;D

So. Many people from my past are returning into my life. LOL. Fer one, Ismail, my ex from 2 yrs back suddenly re-contacted me. Lmao. Said that he wanted to come to Subang so that he can go out with me. Tetibe je. Pfft. Oh, fyi, he's staying in Batu Pahat, so it is a big deal really if he decides to come all the way here. N'way, he called while I was driving, & since there was a heavy jam, lyn suda. He said that my bm 'suda improve'. Wtf. Bm I truk sgt ke mase tuh? T_T

Started talking about our days together, mase cpl. Haha, klaka kot. Told him that I was going through a slightly rough time with one of my exes. Then this part came out:

Frh: Duhh, xtau la camne nak explain kat u. complicated gle babi kot.
Is: Cite je la. I tau la u camne, I kan prnh cpl ngan you.
Frh: Haha, yer la tuh. Cbe cite skit, pe yg u tau psl I?
Is: Hurm..you sensitive, nak org syg you, jage you.cpat jeles.
Frh: Cpat jeles? I prnh lak jeles mase cpl ngan u dlu. =.=

Haha. Swt. Yeap, he described me well I suppose, including the jealousy part. Hahaha. He was one of the boyfs I had that loved me well. However, at that time I was the one that wasn't ready fer anything serious. 16, dak form 4, dak xmatang la kot HAHA. Then I read his cmnts, the ones that I sent to him. Semue dlm bi kot. Mane x t'seksa u cpl ngan I dlu HAHAHA. I found this one funny though:

waaaaaa!!!
sy rindu bangat kat syg!!!

if only i could rob a handphone shop & steal their prepaid cards & call u & talk to u for hrs!
syg, i dah naik gile.
lolololol.
XD

one day u better come & kidnap me.
klau x i gi kidnap u.
gahahaha.
(farah's a bit high.)
x)

Lmao. The old times.

Went to Mid Valley today. Wanted to go to the gym. But by the time I actually found the gym, I was almost exhausted from walking. Pfft. & to make matters worse, I ended up in The Gardens, completely unaware that it was a different building. T_T

So, after gym went to Carrefour to buy cat food. Then there were these booths, promoting stuff. Skali ade mamat ni, cam knl ouh. Then die pun tgk I, pastu ckp, "Ehhh, cam knl je amoy nih,". Omg. Palie! Haha. He used to work in front of my workplace fer like, eh, a week or so. Skali jumpe blik kat Mid. Gle ah. Haha. N'way, he teman-ed me into Carrefour, helped hold my stuff while I queued up at the counter, helped me carry the bags, & finally asked me out. HOHO. Awesomeness. Ske akuh HAHA.

Gym. (:

While stuck in the jam. Haha. Sempat lak akuh.

Oh. It's past midnight. I'm officially 18. Yeay!
(:

2009-11-10T20:55:00.003+08:00

Currently tuning into: Ashley Tisdale - It's Alright It's Ok

You played me,
Betrayed me,
Your love was nothing but a game,
Portrayed a role,
You took control, I,
I couldn't help but fall
So deep,
But now I see things clear.

It's alright, OK,
I'm so much better without you,
I wont be sorry,
Alright, Ok,
So don't you bother what I do,
No matter what you say,
I wont return,
Our bridge has burnt down,
I'm stronger now,
Alright, Ok,
I'm so much better without you,
I wont be sorry.

Haven't updated much on my blog huh? Heh. Sorry peeps, I'm rarely at home nowadays. Which obviously means I'm rarely online too. & even if I'm online I'll only be on ym with people I really know while playing Linyca on Facebook. I'm not even active in myspace anymore.

Talking of myspace, I got ditched by some community in Myspace. Some faggot made that page especially to badmouth people who they thought were 'inappropriate'. No surprise really, when one of my friends cmnted me & said that there was this page where they had my pics among a few girls, & posted bad stuff about me. Knew it would happen to me someday. Yet again, no surprise when it's about the way I wear. Fuck you, malay or not malay the way I wear doesn't fucking concern anyone so why give a fuck in the 1st place? Dose aku, pndi ah aku nak tanggung sendiri. Haa, yg ko dok mengumpat xsame dose cam aku lak. & he supposingly thinks he's doing the right thing in exposing people like me. Right. Some people just don't realise how stupid they are. As far as I'm concerned, I don't hurt anyone, I'm still a nice person, & that's that. My clothes & appearance don't speak for me. For God's sakes, it's fucking Myspace, go get a real life instead of barging in on other people's one.

N'way, here's some updates;

- Why I'm rarely at home? Apart from classes, I'm all over the place actually, but most of the time at Sunway, for gym of course. On some days I'd either be at Subang Parade or Mid Valley. Of course, I'd be at Sunway every Monday-Friday. The only time I'm at home is after 9.30pm or before 10am, where I'll be sleeping obviously. Apart from the desperate attempt to lose weight fast, it's the only way I can keep myself busy & distracted.

- Talking of gym, made a new friend at gym lst night. Her name's Milly, studying in Taylors. She mixed British, Spanish, & Filipino. Lol. All the mixes. Haha.

- Apart from that, last night I was somehow cursed. A 7kg dumbell dropped on my foot. Rawrrrrr. Now my foot's lebam + bengkak. Xjd pe doh, punye la sakit. Thank god I didn't end up crushing a bone or sumthing.

- Saw Ary last night at Sunway, while I was walking around shopping. Oh, with his girlf. Fyi, Ary's my ex-boyf, before Amin. Hah, never thought I'll be meeting him again, after more than a yr.

- Remember Yon? My supposingly ex-scandal la kan. Haha. N'way, I'm friends again with him, ever since he added me back in myspace. Weeee. All that conflict last yr & what do you know, here we are again, forgetting the past & making a new start. I've forgiven him for all that happened a long time ago, so I'm cool. Funny how the people that you think left your life somehow walks back in or passes by, after a long while. Life, as I'm learning, can be dead interesting at times.

- Went to hang out at Fiki's the other day. Finally met her in person after what, 2yrs of being online friends? & she just so happens to stay behind me house. LOL.

- Last week walked around shopping for clothes in Sunway & almost got smothered by Mei Xin & Wan Ying, who I bumped into halfway. >.<

That's what I can rmbr, fer now. Lol.

So, now I have a new life, basically. After more than a yr, finally a new life being single, & actually living with it. I've spent these few months holding on to something that I could never get back, & now, here I am, reliving my life in a different way. Finally, after so long, I've learnt to let go of Amin.

This whole thing came along that night, after I found out the truth. After reading his very last text msg to me, I knew that I had to let go, whether I liked it or not. His words were all hurtful, but it was the truth, better than lies. Deleted everything, from our pics in my phone to his number; something I should have done a long time ago. Spent the next 2 days feeling depressed & down, which eventually led me to break down & cry. The next morning I woke up, & sternly reminded myself that I made a promise, both to myself & to him. I love him, & Idc what he wants to do, as long as he's happy. The reason I can wake up feeling like a new person each day.

I still love him. I still think of him everyday, wondering what he's up to, how are things. I still miss him the moment I wake up, right up to the moment I fall asleep. I still love him, but I love myself more. Which is why I have to let myself free.

Mummy: So, Amin really didn't contact you anymore?
Frh: Idk mummy, I deleted his number.
Mummy: *laughs* Haha. You're free now Farah.

Yes. I'm free. Free from depression, free from sadness, free from frustration, free from hurt, & most importantly, free from you.

2009-11-01T23:13:00.004+08:00

P.s. To an EX best friend,

Haven't given a damn about your life in ages. But, judging by the look of your myspace page, you nailed it well. I haven't heard from you in ages, since Raye to be precise, & I have no intention whatsoever in going to you anymore & pretending that I still need someone to share my everyday life & problems with. A new life. New friends to share your probs with, someone you love that you still have. While you forget about this girl right here who's supposingly been your best friend for 7 years. I should be jealous perhaps?

Fuck no. For you, you have things that would not be there with you for long. Friends, boyf. I, however, may not have all that, but I have a family, one for sure that has a life guarantee that they won't leave me alone in times of need. That can still give me love & happiness if even for a moment. Right until the day I grow up & pass it on to my own family. A bit bitchy of me huh? It's life, face it. Life's a bitch, it's harsh, so learn to deal with it.

I've had a lot of experiences from the people I love the most; boyfs, best friends. & I'm sure I've mentioned that at least a few times to them. Abandoning me in times of need, doing things that obviously break me apart. So much more. Which is why I always force myself to be reminded how it's best to be alone. It's hard, but you receive less pain than you would having people you love around.

Not trying to tell the whole world that I've been the perfect friend or girlf to anyone really. I made my own mistakes too, but I learnt from them, even if I had to make the same mistakes twice or more. But I've never gone to the extend of forgetting my best friend completely, no matter how perfect my life supposingly was.

Bottom line, the two people I love the most left my life, & I never expected one of those two spots had you included. But hey, that's life, I've realised. Nothing goes our way.

I loved you, even if I did put you second after ^him. & I sure hope you read this, b'cuz I'm not here to bitch, but I'm here as a friend. Only good friends will be honest right in your face, telling you nothing but the truth, no matter how it hurts. The ones that tell you white lies to protect you, are not friends at all. You've heard it from one best friend, now you heard it from the other.

Love,
An EX best friend.
xoxo.

At first I thought Desperate Housewives was just another stupid series that you watch for entertainment, but it never struck me that it shows it all. Life, really is that harsh. I've learnt a lot from that show. I laugh, I cry watching that show, & it's now top on my list. & Susan, that role Teri Hatcher's playing, her character somehow reminds me of..me. Unable to let go of the past.

Oh, was browsing my old blog right now fer the fun of it. & I found a post I had completely forgotten about. Done in January 2009. Here it is, just for reads.

Abdul Muhaimin Osman bin Osman! I, Farah Alia bt M. Yusshri, love you so damn fucking much & I will for as long as I live. I swear that I just can't stand life without you! You're currently the hand tht holds my heart, the one that makes my life complete, the happiness tht keeps me enlightened all the time. You're the only one in my seventeen yrs of life that I truly trust, the only one I could ever love this much. I'm definitely yours, & no one elses, no one at all. You fucking own my heart, & no one else is allowed to do so. ILYSDFM SYG! <33

I sure can't wait to write my end of the year synopsis nx month. It's gonna be hell of a post I'm sure.

Oh, & Yon just re-added me in myspace. Haha. Had a weird feeling he'd add me back these few days. Funny how accurate my instincts are at times. But I'm cool with him really, I've forgotten the past.

2009-11-01T02:18:00.006+08:00

Currently tuning into: The Saturdays - Chasing Lights

I remember you lying,
Crying, trying to get away with it,
But now I know cause now I see.

I believed all that you said,
I never questioned any lies,
I never opened up my eyes.

All your words got me mislead,
Now I am standing,
I'm alive,
I never had you on my side.

I don't want to waste another day,
I don't want to live my life this way,
I'm tired,
I Just want to ly back down and,
I don't want to waste another night,
I don't want to keep on chasing lights,
So go on,go on,go on,
Bye bye.

[1]
akio takanashi aki (1/8/2009 1:45:59 AM): ade..
frh alia. (1/8/2009 1:46:34 AM): pe yg ade lak?
akio takanashi aki (1/8/2009 1:49:21 AM): ade muncung!
akio takanashi aki (1/8/2009 1:49:32 AM): asal muke cam 2?
akio takanashi aki (1/8/2009 1:49:36 AM): borink ke syg?
akio takanashi aki (1/8/2009 1:49:41 AM): ala cian my bby
akio takanashi aki (1/8/2009 1:49:45 AM): senyum plz..
akio takanashi aki (1/8/2009 1:49:58 AM): jgn la wat muke ikan mas...
akio takanashi aki (1/8/2009 1:50:09 AM): senyum...
akio takanashi aki (1/8/2009 1:50:13 AM): plz..
frh alia. (1/8/2009 1:50:23 AM): ikan mas?
frh alia. (1/8/2009 1:50:27 AM): hahaha
frh alia. (1/8/2009 1:50:36 AM): bby ni org kot, bkn ikan
frh alia. (1/8/2009 1:50:38 AM): by ni.sheesh

[2]
pakcikjep jep (10/8/2009 2:10:16 AM): u
pakcikjep jep (10/8/2009 2:10:29 AM): cuba u senyum sikit
frh alia. (10/8/2009 2:11:19 AM): xnak la
frh alia. (10/8/2009 2:11:20 AM): haha
pakcikjep jep (10/8/2009 2:11:26 AM): wat la
pakcikjep jep (10/8/2009 2:11:28 AM): nak tgk ni
pakcikjep jep (10/8/2009 2:11:38 AM): cuba u senyum
pakcikjep jep (10/8/2009 2:12:08 AM): senyum la
pakcikjep jep (10/8/2009 2:12:20 AM): u wat mulut aje
pakcikjep jep (10/8/2009 2:13:02 AM): dari tadi
pakcikjep jep (10/8/2009 2:13:05 AM): ):
frh alia. (10/8/2009 2:13:16 AM): nnt la
frh alia. (10/8/2009 2:13:18 AM): ahaha

[3]
annas anasat (16/8/2009 3:27:10 AM): ko ni mmg xreti senyum eh?
annas anasat (16/8/2009 3:27:13 AM): serius mnjg
frh alia. (16/8/2009 3:27:35 AM): haa, tu yg ko xtau psl aku gak kan
frh alia. (16/8/2009 3:27:40 AM): aku jrg gle kot senyum
frh alia. (16/8/2009 3:27:42 AM): glak je byk
frh alia. (16/8/2009 3:27:48 AM): klu ko perasan la
annas anasat (16/8/2009 3:28:36 AM): kesah
annas anasat (16/8/2009 3:28:38 AM): ngahahaha
frh alia. (16/8/2009 3:28:45 AM): kesah lg
frh alia. (16/8/2009 3:28:50 AM): dah ko tanyer kan
frh alia. (16/8/2009 3:28:55 AM): aku jwb je laaa
frh alia. (16/8/2009 3:28:59 AM): haha ko ni
annas anasat (16/8/2009 3:29:12 AM): xtau nak rply pe
annas anasat (16/8/2009 3:29:17 AM): rply kesah sudah
annas anasat (16/8/2009 3:29:19 AM): ngahahaha

[4]
Aboy Zarint (1/11/2009 1:29:22 AM): i taw pe prob you ngn casperr ...
Aboy Zarint (1/11/2009 1:29:27 AM): you na taw ??
frh alia. (1/11/2009 1:29:41 AM): jgn nak ckp i sepet suda
frh alia. (1/11/2009 1:29:43 AM): =.=
frh alia. (1/11/2009 1:29:45 AM): haha
Aboy Zarint (1/11/2009 1:29:47 AM): bkan2 .
Aboy Zarint (1/11/2009 1:29:49 AM): len .
Aboy Zarint (1/11/2009 1:29:52 AM): na taw ta ??
frh alia. (1/11/2009 1:29:53 AM): ?
Aboy Zarint (1/11/2009 1:30:02 AM): you ta senyum kot .
Aboy Zarint (1/11/2009 1:30:07 AM): asek buad mukee jee
frh alia. (1/11/2009 1:30:15 AM): haha

It's proven, everyone that's seen me on wc agree on one thing; I don't smile. So you can easily imagine me on the streets nowadays.

Thx Aboy, psl u wat I senyum. Bkn stkat tu, smpi wat muke I jd merah2 lg. LOL. & thx to mummy, for hugging me & treating me like a little girl again, when we were watching Desperate Housewifes just now. You're the only place I can find comfort now.

This sexy babeeeee here. :D
RJ I stole your photos HAHA. ;D

My childhood friend yawww, RJ. I found a gold bracelet her mom made me when I was young. It had both our names written on it. Awww ness. Ily babeee. We're gonna be 18, & we've practically known each other our whole lives.

Our b'day's near Ross Joan Angsioco! Bet you're gonna have a cool ass party then! Rawrrr the jealousy. Pfft. Haha. I miss you woman. I'm kidnapping you once I get back to London. LOLOLOL.
xoxoxo.

2009-10-20T10:50:00.005+08:00

Currently tuning into: Taylor Swift - Breathe

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way,
People are people and sometimes we change our minds,
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend,
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me.

waa. bwu igt! 20102009 ari ney. sptotnyew kownk nyew anvsry an3? akk + abg casper.

& I thought I was the only one who remembered my anniversary. Sedangkan org2 yg br knl I pun igt skali. But he made it clear last night that we were only friends & that that's the way it's gonna stay. Which basically makes all my time of waiting utterly pointless & wasted.

One moment I was on the verge of laughing in joy at the fact that he actually called & the next I feel as if a building collapsed on me, right after he comes up with the statement that we can always be good friends. Prayed every damn night that fer once something good that would at least make my day would happen today, but, well, not even words can explain how I really feel right now. Last night I went to sleep with a feeling of loss so overwhelming that it left me sad, empty, & completely lost. It didn't help much to have ppl texting you, reminding you that today was supposed to be yr anniversary.

His words, the way he spoke, something was telling me that he was staying just to look after my feelings. All that indirect pushing, urging me to find someone else, even the way he asked me if I still loved him, it was as if, if I said I didn't love him anymore he'll be free to openly date some other girl or something. I've been shutting my head & heart out to the fact that he doesn't love me anymore fer ages, but when it hits you in the face like a slap, what would you do?

Maybe it's fer the best, but it hurts, a whole darn lot. All those months I was given hope & in the end, what did I get? Nothing. Nothing at all.

On the 20th of October last year, my life unexpectedly became complete. The 20th of October this year? I lost everything. My whole life's falling apart, from studies to relationships & come to think of it, my social life too. Thanks God Almighty, for giving me the best life ever & taking it away. Thx again, maybe at some point I'm supposed to deserve it.

Currently, I just feel like locking myself up in my room forever, going nowhere, not even uni.

Urgh. I feel like crying. But I can't. & it's torturing.

2009-10-19T22:43:00.002+08:00

Currently tuning into: Tamara Walker - Didn't We Love

It's okay, sometimes I just get this way,
I can't forget you anyway, I wouldn't even try,
I'd rather fall than never to have flown at all,
It was heaven after all, if only for a time.

Didn't we set the nights on fire,
Did ever a flame burn any higher,
Wasn't it so sweet? Wasn't it?
Didn't we love?

Isn't it bittersweet, isn't it?
Didn't we love?

First day of second sem? Tension doh. Had Sociology. Mind you, the sub would have been dead interesting, apart from the fact that she barely knows how to speak proper English & had the voice of a mouse. Aku rase tikus lg kuat kot. Pfft. Oh, & that 'crush' I have? He's in my Sociology tutorial. Xjd pe doh, dok usha2 aku. Malu sudaaa. T__T

On the bright side, most of my friends are in my Sociology lecture. Well, basically half of the old TA7. & Web Page Design's awesome. Finally my skills of editing my own myspace codes are needed. Lol. On the down side however, went to get my exam result slip. Rase nak bunuh diri kot. Had to meet one of the lecturers, since I was to be under probation. Turns out to be my Accs lecturer, Ms Goy, who's also gonna be teaching me Fundamentals of Marketing this sem. N'way, she rechecked my pointers & stuff, & told me that I had to score at least B-s & above for all my subs this sem. WTF weh! Babi xtension sial. A fucking B huh? I'd be surprised to even scrap Ds fer the subs this sem. Pfft. & apart from that, I have to drop Marketing fer this sem & do it nx sem.

Fuck gle tension seyh. Was thinking about it all the way home. Smpi langgar red light. Nasib baik xaccident doh. Sheesh. Even my friends, all so terer can get below 2.0 & some even fail, pe lg aku doh. Mati wey! I was thinking that perhaps UTAR couldn't be all that bad, but now, I suppose I was wrong. Standards are high. Suddenly, I just don't want to study anymore. I just want to drop out & perhaps transfer somewhere else. Ntah, I just feel so Goddamn down right now.

Minah fuck up. More days like these & I'd probably turn myself into a heavy smoker. Pfft.
=.='

Oh, yg seterusnye utk Amin yg t'syg SAHAJA. (:

I remember that night. After midnight, I waited for yr call, still pretty confused at that text msg. 'Love you, miss you'? At some point I thought that you sent that text to the wrong person. You never did much as even call me 'syg', or even flirt, let alone saying I love you. In those days when we were friends you could even have passed as my 'abg angkat', the way you somehow treated me. & to admit I had always thought that you would be the very last person I'd date, & that I never really did had feelings whatsoever for you.

Haha, you know, I remember how almost every single time you call I'll always be silent on the phone, with nothing to say. & the funniest part is where you're actually patient, even if I sat there being on the phone with you without saying a single word for the whole hour you'd still sit there too, waiting fer me to actually say something. Haha. & there were times where I was so tired I was practically falling asleep, yet I still wanted to hang around to talk to you. Talk la sgt. Pfft. I still recall one night, when you were talking about some gays calling you up & kacau-ing you, & I started laughing, & you said that after calling me so many times that was the very first time you had ever heard me laugh.

All this, it all led to that night, didn't it. It was just another random phone call, until I, who rarely talked much started talking about Zudy, an ex who wanted me back after SPM, & Zaim, some Form 4 dudee who loved me but I couldn't accept. Of all nights, I chose that one. No wonder la you bengang rite. Hahahaha. After that you passed the phone to Mawi, you said he wanted to be friends with me.

Mawi, him & his hyper character. We became friends that night, getting to know each other. Chatted with him quite long mind you. Was wondering where you were already. I was complaining to him, that I wanted to talk to you, not him. Especially when he started singing. Pfft. He said that you went out to buy something. Silently I was cursing you for leaving me in this nutcase's care who was repeatingly(not to forget annoyingly) singing P-U-S-P-A. Then he kept on bullying me & I said I wanted you & demanded him to call you to come back. Rawrrrr. Suddenly he asked about you & I. I told him there was nothing going on, we were just friends, nothing else. Then he said something about you liking me & stuff, & I assumed that they were pulling some prank on you since you weren't there. Sheesh.

The line went out. Super savers habis la kot. Mawi called back, then said Atan wanted to talk to me. Kene lecture abis ouh. Care die lecture, punye la garang, terdiam seketika HAHA. Gune aku ko lak tuh. Cuak badak sungguh. He said, that I must be blind to not realise that you liked me. That you wouldn't waste your credit calling me all the time if you didn't have any feelings fer me. All sorts of things came out really, I don't remember much, but bottom line they were urging me to be with you. I had no cmnt, all this was kinda too much fer me to digest in one night. Lol.

After what felt like ages you came back. Basically, you didn't have a clue of what happened while you were away. I think. Pfft. N'way, waited fer you to settle down, then suddenly, you asked fer some advise. I was always your advisor wasn't I. HOHO. You told me that you liked this girl a lot, but you just didn't know how to tell her. That she was different than the others, that no matter how you wanted to try you couldn't tell her how you felt. That you were scared, that she might reject you.

Crap, you should have seen me then. I was practically covering my face with a pillow, to stop myself from laughing out loud. Much as I was supposed to believe that you were talking about me I couldn't help laughing at the fact that if you really were talking about me you made me sound so damn special. Ahaha. N'way, I decided not to tell you anything, but to wat2 xtau pape. Ngeh. "Ala, relax la. Fkir positive, hadapi ngan senyuman, then ckpla ngan die. Xkesah la die accept ke x kan,". Well, I said something like tht la, but I'm 100% sure that's the phrase I gave you.

It was almost 4am. The last I heard from you was "Ok2, think positive, hadapi ngan senyuman, I love you Alia," (plik tol, tetibe pggl I Alia. Sheesh). Then the line went dead. I thought you put down the phone on purpose. Lol. Again, you should have seen me. I was practically all smiles, kalahkan Mickey Mouse dah kot. Lololol.

After that phone call, I starting thinking alot. There was only one thing on my head really; why this never happened earlier. Course, funny I was actually thinking that way, considering the fact that I nvr did like you more than friends. N'way, you called back. After using like almost all your roommate's phones la HAHA. I kept pushing you after that, just to get you to repeat those words. Wat2 kurang dgr skit. Ngahahaha. Then you told me to forget about what you said. Eh hello, words like tht xsenang lupe okeh!

N'way, in the end you asked if we should declare it that night or after my SPM. Well, if I didn't choose that night there wouldn't be a 20th of October to rmbr would there. Lol. After all that, you asked me if you could shout or not. I was like, huh, what for? Then you told me to wait for a while, & suddenly, I heard you shouting in joy. Wtf-ness. Haha.

Oh, & I didn't sleep that night, not even fer a minute. & for the next few nights. Dahlah ade skola, exam lak tuh. Was on the phone with you from the moment the super savers offer starts until the moment I had to get ready for school. Dah nak gi skola still xpuas gayut lg. Hoho. Even so, didn't feel sleepy at all. In fact, for someone who didn't sleep at all I was pretty hyper at school. Apart from the fact that I fell asleep during my exams. LOL.

Well, after that night, I changed. For once, I wanted to be serious, I wanted to keep this relationship & give it all I could. Enough with the previous fooling around. Not once did I want to do anything that could harm & break us apart. & fer the first time ever, I was 100% happy being in a relationship. The 20th of October 2008. It's been a yr now. I haven't loved a person this long, is usually lasts fer what, a month or so? Funny, how a night like that changes your whole life.

Yeap, it's been a year now. & I still love you so damn much. Eventhough I'm reminded by random people every fucking day that I'm stupid enough to still love someone like you. Kesah, I can love whoever I want, & no one can stop me.

There's 25mins to go until it's the 20th of October, & another 4 hrs & 25mins till the moment we officially became a couple. & I'm not celebrating today as our anniversary, but as the day you made me realise that I love you.

2009-10-18T20:14:00.003+08:00

Currently tuning into: Ashanti - The Way That I Love You

Check this out, the lyrics interest me.

I woke up kinda early today,
And something told me from that moment,
It wouldn’t be the same,
I knew you were hiding something,
But I didn’t push it,
I didn’t know what to say,
I tried to pretend, Like I didn’t see it,
Cause deep down I knew I didn’t want to believe it.

There it was, it was you and her,
You left your sidekick on the nightstand,
And I read.

Everything you did, and everything you said and,
And now I’m standing here looking like damn,
I thought it was you and I,
Now I all I got to say is why?

After all of this time that we tried,
I found out we were living a lie,
And after all of this love that we made,
I found out you don’t love me the same,

The way that I love you.

You lied, you lied, oh why?
Why'd you have to lie to me?
Why?

You guys should really check out the music video of Ashanti's The Way That I Love You. In the video she murdered her boyf fer cheating & lying to her. o.O

N'way, second sem's starting tmrw. Pfft. Oh, new subjects. Introduction To Sociology, Writing For Business, Writing For Mass Comm, Web Page Design, Fundamentals Of Marketing & Management Studies. Bore bore boreee. Pfft. & classes are practically from morning to evening. Gah. More boredom.

On the bright side, mummy & I have been discussing & it's been confirmed that I am going back to London after my foundation year. Yeay! At the moment it's only gonna be a holiday trip there but if I can get the chance to further up my studies there I may do so. As she puts it, it's my life, I should know best what I want fer myself. & that, is exactly what I want. To leave & escape from this hectic life I've been living so far, & to start a new one.

It's the 18th of October. & I'm currently awaiting the best, the worst, or nothing at all in a few days to come. & hell yea, I'm prepared this time.

Oh, unintentionally curled my hair yesterday.

I almost killed myself from laughing. Punye la bangang video ni. & to add to matters, something about the vid's damn dirty. HAHA.

A break from reality.

2009-10-16T23:43:00.003+08:00

Currently tuning into: Hey Monday - 6 Months

Everything you say,
Every time we kiss, I can't think straight,
But I'm okay,
And I can't think of anybody else,
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you.

So please, give me a hint,
So please, give me a lesson on how to steal, steal a heart,
As fast as you stole mine, as you stole mine.

Just recovered from another mood tantrum. Was in a terrible mood, after practically yelling at everyone ran into my room, & once again, started crying till I fell asleep. I'm getting sick of all these emotional breakdowns. Even Amin asked me to call just now, & knew something was wrong from my voice. I didn't need him to know that I just spent another few hours crying really.

I rmbr one of my main aims when I created this blog. No emotional letouts. Gah, guess I broke that rule once again. Reading back my posts, I'm so messed up. At one time I perfectly well & happy, not giving a fuck about anything else, & then at another time I'm all sniffy & wet from crying & somewhat screaming in a corner on my bed. At one time I'm telling the world I don't give a fuck & at another I'm getting all fucked-up over some boy. & the most idiotic thing is that when I complain about something the next day something else happens to make some statements of mine in my blog somehow pointless. Rawrr. I'm on the verge of being mentally ill.

I need a break, some time to help me gather myself back up, especially when my whole life seems to somehow be falling apart. I'm still pissed off at the fact that I had to end up this way over some pathetic boy. If it's about studies or something at least it would make more sense.

I just wanna fall asleep, & wake up when October ends. This month, is one particular month where I just don't want to rmbr. Not that I can forget it really.

Thx fer the memories, eventhough they weren't so great.

2009-10-14T23:43:00.007+08:00

Currently tuning into: Abba - The Winner Takes It All

I don't wanna talk,
About the things we've gone through,
Though it's hurting me,
Now it's history,
I've played all my cards,
And that's what you've done too,
Nothing more to say,
No more ace to play.

The winner takes it all,
The loser standing small,
Beside the victory,
That's her destiny.

I was in your arms,
Thinking I belonged there,
I figured it made sense,
Building me a fence,
Building me a home,
Thinking I'd be strong there,
But I was a fool,
Playing by the rules.

But tell me does she kiss,
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same,
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside,
You must know I miss you,
But what can I say,
Rules must be obeyed.

Went to Keramat today. Basically, I had no intentions of seeing Amin at all. All I wanted was to go there to meet Umi to show her some Amway leaflets & leave. Well, as usual, things always don't go as planned.

Went to fetch Bell first, then grak gi Keramat. Oh, I arrived in what, less than half an hour? Punye la plik aku, jam lak tuh. Pfft. N'way, wore bju kurung since Umi was having some small makan2 session. Small la, apparently. Arrived & expected to perhaps see 3-4 people. Skali opened the door to what, 10? Dahlah aku xpkai tudung. Damn awkward. Pfft.

N'way, around 5 minutes later Amin came back, quite the surprised to see me I suppose. Didn't bother telling him that I was gonna come. Then as usual, I started my 'I-am-a-wife-&-daughter-in-law-so-I-must-do-my-duty' session. Ahaha wtf. As usual, went to & fro throughout the house helping Umi prepare drinks & stuff. & kak Norlie overheard a few of them talking. Apparently they thought I was one of the menantus too. Wtf. Dah xde kaitan lak ngan family tuh. =.=

Left at 7 plus, since Bell's dad was getting a bit the mad. Heh. Lps tu, gi Carlos lpak shisha with Bell & Nabihah, her lil sis. Oh yea, we went there wearing bju kurung. Bkn main alim lg pkai, tp skali ade kat situ smoke & shisha. HAHA. Xjd pe la doh, kan Bell? ;P

Bell loceng. HAHA.

Frh bongok! ;)

NabiHOHO. haha.
Damn cute, the bottom pic. Haha.

As usual, when Bell & I get together we always talk of the same thing. Of our exes, how we still love them, but they fuck things up nicely & so on. We're basically in the same situation I suppose. As fer me, again as always I left Keramat with the many things running through my mind. I'm always left with the feeling of wanting him to go away yet wanting him to be with me all the time.

Pe lg, story2 ngan Bell la. My first date, the night he mintak couple, all those lovely memoirs. I felt like crying really, but well, xjd kot. Wtf.

Mummy asked me how were things. I told her, I didn't know really. It was just, like that. A story with no complete ending. We've been living our separate ways already, I suppose. She can't say much, all she can say is tht, it's life. & I agree.

Mummy: So, how are both of you now?
Frh: Idk, like tht la. He's sorted out his life, good la. I don't care about him anymore.
Mummy: So, both of u masing2 live yr own life la?
Frh: I guess so.
Mummy: Then why are you still so close to the family?
Frh: Uh..I..(silence)
Mummy: To be close to him right?
Frh: ...(more silence)

Meanwhile, I've always wondered why I always had this tendency to suddenly awake at 4 am almost every night. You see, when he asked me to be his girlf on the 20th October 2008, it was exactly 4am, when I said yes. I suddenly rmbred checking the time on that night, while I was reminiscing back the moment with Bell.

I'm a complete mess. I'm very down at the moment, feeling, not mellow, not pissed off, not fucked up, but completely sad. Why? I still don't know why. I barely know what I post in my own blogs nowadays. First it's this & then it's that. Idk really. I want to cry out loud, so that I can feel better. I want to cut myself up again. But I can't. Why do things like this have to happen to me?

Songs made fer Frh. ;)

2009-10-10T23:13:00.003+08:00

Currently tuning into: Ashley Tisdale - How Do You Love Someone

I've walked around hoping, just barely coping,
Getting it on, getting it wrong,

It's hard to talk, to say what's deep inside,
It's hard to ~~tell~~ ^believe the truth, when you've always lied.

How do you love someone and make it last?
How do you love someone without tripping on the past?
So far in my life, clouds have blocked the sun,
How do you love, how do you love someone?
How do you love, how do you love someone?

Before I start, here's a few pics from last night's 'b'day session'. Haha.

Mama Han & Uncle Don. her b'day cake & candle. Ngahahaha.

The Sistaaassss! Xcept fer my bro. & me la wtf. Ngeh.

Nak tau x. Last night kan, Zachreen kan, sweet gle babi ouhh. Terpikat ati HAHAHA. N'way, he called me, then we chitchatted fer over an hour. Lps tu, he went to get his guitar & sang to me! Weeee. He had written those songs a week ago & wanted me to be the first to listen. & he has the most amazing voice evurrr. Awwwness. Haha. You're sweet honey, but too good fer a bad girl like me. ;)

Oh, Zachreen's the lead vocalist of one of Malaysia's local bands, Witherspoon. Not all tht known in Malaysia, but heard on air in radio stations in other countries around the world. In my opinion, their songs are more or less like Secondhand Serenade. Slow songs but with a surge of energy & meaningful lyrics. You can search fer them in Myspace & Facebook yea! Cheh promote promote HAHA. Ala, mmbr kan. ;)

Oh, & about my hair. Bajet xde warnela kan, but the moment I walked out the door to fetch my brother to tuition, pergh, punye la obvious warne die. Haha. But its not obvious in pictures though. Tried countless times, tp nmpk same je. Pfft. Planning on coloring it again, to get a stronger shade of colour.

Budak sengal lg sumbat tayang rambut HAHA.

Fuck weh.

I just check my results. There's seriously, got to be something wrong somewhere. My GPA. Xmungkin weh! Sumpah xmungkin! Gle babi truk. Fuck la wey. I'm under probation, so you don't have to ask already how bad it is.

Can't be. God I feel like crying right now. I swear I did study, despite everything that happened to me fer the past few months. I didn't let anything get in my way, that break-up, struggling in Accs & Econs, I made sure nothing could stop me. Even my coursework pun semue more or less 50% wey! Xkan I ley fail smpi camtu!

Asked Nick just now. Apparently it's possible to pass all yr subs & still get pointer under 2.0. Fuck, I'm screwed. I need to buck myself up, starting next sem.

Gah. Now here's another reason fer me to be depressed. I already moved on from that Amin issue & now it's my studies. Another reason fer me to really want to jump off KLCC.
T__T

Meanwhile, I'm thinking of a way to escape from telling mummy & papa that I'm under probation. Sob.

New hair much?

2009-10-10T01:18:00.005+08:00

Currently tuning into: Evanescence - My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears,
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave,
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone,
These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real,
There's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears,
And I held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have all of me.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along.

Okay. So today was one of a hella weird-o day. At 6am this morning Haikal texted me, said that he wanted to come Subang have dinner & shisha with me,since his parents xde kat rumah & he had to eat out. Tp last2 xjd, psl mama die suruh die gi rumah mmbr kpd mama die tuh. Haha.

So, day was bored & fucked up as usual, until in the afternoon mummy went into the room, while chatting with my auntie on the phone. Pe lg, gi la manje2 ngan mummy HAHA. Lied down on mummy's tummy while listening to her conversation with my aunt, Mama Ping. Menyibuk la skali skale. Hoho. After that, while she was playing with adik's Gameboy started chit chatting.

Mummy & I, talking of the men. HAHA. Mummy asked me how were things with Amin, & told her it was just like tht, probably finished. She started talking bout Papa, & I about Amin, & with both agreed on one thing; that we can nvr change the ppl we love the most, so might as well wat bodo je. Wtf. I just love the fact that mummy understands how I feel the most, despite her not knowing every detail of what's really been going on with me & him.

N'way, to continue on, Mama Ping was talking about Mama Han (my other auntie), who colored her hair burgundy, & how it turned out to be damn cun. Pe lg, die nak follow la kan. Haha. Skali Mama Ping asked me if I wanted to color my hair, & without second thoughts I said yes. Haha.

So, went to their hse. Was Mama Han's b'day, so celebrated it, in a simple way. You know how simple? With a kek lapis & lilin yg korg pasang klu xde elektrik. Ngahahahaha. Punye la klaka. Mama Han couldn't find any candles, so her husband, Uncle Don slambe only tell her to use those candles. Sheesh. After that, went to Giant Putra Heights, bought what we needed, & pe lg, blik rumah msing2 color rmbt! Hoho.

Oh, Uncle Don, Mama Han & I were talking about clubbing. Agak x kepuasan ati wtf, fer the fact tht stupid MOS raised their entrance age limit to 19 fer girls. Was planning on having my b'day done there, since it would be a Thursday night & I'd be legally 18. Punye la bengang. Pfft. Mama & I agreed on one thing though: MOS is jam-packed & filled with sluts who are better off not wearing clothes at all.

Before.

The subject to future changes. Wtf.
Colour? Mahogany. (:

Menanti.

Cam xde beza je. Pfft.

Randoms, from today.
Camwhore in the act.

So. Tht's how I sleep every night nowadays. Wearing nothing but his T-shirt & hugging our teddy bear.
As Ashley Tisdale puts it, I'm such a hot mess with you.
;)

All Out & About.

2009-10-07T23:38:00.005+08:00

Currently tuning into: Ashley Tisdale - Erase & Rewind

Guess I should leave this behind,
Guess I should erase and rewind,
But somehow I can't seem to stay away,
I don't want to sound desperate but I am,
So say that you'll come around,
Guess I should erase and rewind,
Erase and rewind.

You never do return my calls,
Just like we never met at all,
No matter what I'll always wait for you,
I'll wait for you, I'll wait for you.

I don't wanna feel like this,
I don't want to.

Was practically out the whole day today. Woke up at 10-ish, then gi gym ngan mummy. Semangat menguruskan bdan! HOHO.

Buchuk buchukk! :P

After tht, went home, rest fer awhile, then went back out to get Bell. Before that, started flipping out all my clothes, comtemplating on what to wear. Pfft.

1st choice. Abis stop traffic nnt HAHA.

So ended up wearing this.
Bell kate : Frh, ko pkai camtu, kite ni nak gi clubbing ke wey? =.=
Hair's been looking oddly browner than usual these few days. Maybe it's the fact tht my mood's been better. Yea, even my hair has its mood swings. Wtf.

N'way, went with Bell to Shah Alam. She wanted to lepak at her ex boyf's workplace, some restaurant. Stalk stalk haha. So, drove there. Nvr knew Shah Alam was that wide. Pfft.

Her Sampoerna, lighter, & iced barley. My Salem Menthol, & apple juice. Wanted to buy Sampoerna, but xde, so bought Salem instead. Skali lps beli br die jumpe dlm beg. Sheesh. Oh, my lighter's missing. I'm wondering if Amin took it. Wtf.

Farah yang chubby lg bongok. (:

Bella the loceng. Hahaa.

Kami. I look fucked up. HOHO.

Oh. Bell & I were talking bout going clubbing & private partying one of these nights. How? Aku pndi sneak out la, camne lg. Cam xbiase. HOHO. Drugs, fuck, dance & trance huh? Don't underestimate the million things I dare to do.

N'way. After that, sent her home, then went to Summit to meet Haikal. Bell & Mirul were supposed to follow too, but Mirul couldn't be contacted & Bell had some stuff to do. Nad? No cmnt. Ko sjak baik semula ngan Saleh ko tu ko lupekan mmbr ko ni trus kan? Smpi ari tu aku nyaris2 mampos pun ko wat dunno. Pfft. Kesah. Biar ah.

So, in the end it was only me & Haikal. B'dating la jdnye HAHA. Ntah2 korg ni sengaje xnak dtg. T_T

N'way, met Haikal at Starbucks than grak to go buy tickets. He was damn anxious to watch The Gamer, so there you go, The Gamer it is. Lps tu gi lpak2 minum. Went to Old Town Coffee House to have dinner. Oh ohhh. Haikal blanje mkn & tiket! Awwwww. Haha. Thx yea Haikal. (:

N'way, bout the movie. Punye la menyanggapkan. All the asses & memegang tmpt2 yg x septtnye HAHAHAA. Sheesh. Got pretty awkward really, felt as if I was suddenly watching porn. Wtffff. But the movie was seriously awesome, I'm glad he suggested it. It's about a game, played in real life, or sumthing like that. Some twist in the plot to it. Imagine The Sims with real people in real life, & uhm, Dota with real life characters. Haha wtf. But a lot of flying chunks of body parts & blood. Ewwness. Spent a number of times covering my face in Haikal's shoulder. HAHA.

To Bell: Aku xwat pape ngan die okeh! Baik je doh. Dlm hati teringat pd si dia yg tersyg sahaje. HOHO. (:

Many dudes from Keramat have been adding me up in myspace lately. You'd be thinking that I was a 'dak Kramat' too. The best thing is that everyone knows who Casper is. Great, more popularity. Now I'm known as my ex boyf's current girlf. Who I haven't kept in touch with in days.
T_T

Oh, & you wanna know something else? I've got a crush. On someone. Saper? Ouh tidakkkkk! =.=

To Syaz: Yunk, break ngan Amin ke? Xmo la break2 syg, baik2 la blik. Xmo gado2, jgn jd cam sis Frh ni. Syg ouh, korg dah lame together gether, sdih je sis tgk. ):

Oh no. Mummy washed Amin's shirt. Cannot wear to sleep tonight. Waaaa. Xpe2, still got teddy bear. Wtf.

Comeback.

2009-10-06T22:21:00.007+08:00

Currently tuning into: ATB Feat. Tiff Lacey – Still Here

You know you’re my love,
Know that I always cared,
I may have been away without you,
But my heart was always here.

Never forget,
I never left,
Always there in the shadow.

Hard to believe,
Because you couldn’t see,
Always there when it mattered,

I’m still here.

Update on photos. HOHO.
Used my uncle's old phone, since mine's off fer repair.

The begining.

Part One.

Part Two.

Part Three.
Brown hair! Weee. My hair's always been brown, though it's only most obvious under light.

Part four.
Curik bju die lg HAHA.
Amin left his bju once again in my possession. Hoho.

Many wondered what exactly happened to me last week. Well, long story cut short, found out something that I didn't like at all, & completely lost it. All the pain, sadness, disappointment & frustration fer the past few months just came bursting out at me & before I knew it, I just lost myself.

Ran into my room, shut the door, & sat on my bed crying & screaming with all my heart into my pillow. After what felt like ages got up, took out a razor from my drawer, & collapsed on the floor. Still crying & clearly hating myself, took out the razorblades & slitted my wrist. Something about seeing my own blood flowing out suddenly calmed me down. Sounds painful, but trust me, I didn't feel a single bit of pain. Quite scary really, come to think of it.

After that, went back downstairs, took a whole bunch of pills out from the cupboard with all the medications & swallowed them down my throat. Oh, don't ask me what pills, mcm2 kot. Pfft. Lps tu, tido. Bgun rase cam sial. Sheesh.

Guess I was wrong. Maybe keeping it all in all this while made it worse. But on the bright side, ever since that incident I've been feeling much happier now. It's as if all the bad memories came out together along with the blood. I no longer feel frustrated or sad or all that shit. Fer now I suppose. Yea, I'm assuming y'all think I've officially gone nuts & might probably stop reading my blog after this. Haha. Kesah doh. T_T

Oh, just now mummy made some own invented smoothie. Haha. Bananas + mango juice + apple juice + coconut juice = (korg wat la name sendiri. Hahaa)
Mmmmm. Delicious. ;)

Away.

2009-10-05T21:14:00.005+08:00

Currently tuning into: Zee Avi - Kantoi

Sudahlah sayang, I don't believe you.
I've always known your words were never true.
Why am I with you, I pun tak tahu.
No wonderlah my friends pun tak suka you.

I like these links here:

Maksud Setia. (:

Scandals & Boyfs/Girlfs

Tipu tipuuuuu. ;)

All from Arif's blog.

I should have cut myself a long time ago. I feel so much emotionally better now.
(:

Waiting.

2009-10-04T01:25:00.007+08:00

Currently tuning into: Dash Berlin Feat. Emma Hewitt – Waiting

So far away,
You’re gone so long,
Oh and I’m waiting,
Till that day,
I take you home,
Know that I’m waiting.

Haunted by your grace,
You know I’m falling,
So cool without you,
Always in my mind,
I hear you calling,
I hear you calling.

*edited*

Instead of saying so much, here's one word.
Goodbye.

Definition of self-injury: Pain afflicted physically to overcome one's emotional stress & pain.

Everyone said I 'wat keje bodo'. I have no cmnts fer y'all, apart from the statement above. The only time you can actually say I 'wat keje bodo' is when I commit suicide, aite?

Last night, the emotional pain I felt was so bad tht I could feel my heart bleed pain too. I cried out so loud that my own voice couldn't even be heard. Even as razorblades cut through my skin I felt nothing. Nothing at all. I've nvr gone this far, ever. & to feel nothing at all, who would have known how terrible the emotional pain I had was. Nevertheless, this phrase is over, & the scars are healing.

But I'm still emotionally bruised. I need help. Swear to God, I seriously need help. I'm losing myself.

Dreams.

2009-10-01T12:27:00.001+08:00

Currently tuning into: Hawthorne Heights - Ohio Is For Lovers

So cut my wrists and black my eyes.
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.
Because you kill me.
You know you do, you kill me well.
You like it too, and I can tell.
You never stop until my final breath is gone.

Spare me just three last words.
"I love you" is all he heard.
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.

Had a dream last night. Woke up shaking.

Was in some house. Amin was busy hanging with his friends, some which I've never met. I was lying on the sofa, listening to songs & crying. Heard Amin said he was going somewhere. Ignored him. Just wanted everyone to go away.

The scene changed. I was in some shopping mall with Nad & Bell. Begged them to follow me to some place; I was certain Amin was there, & I had a bad feeling something was going on. Hati cam xtenang je. They told me to ignore it, & just have fun with them. I couldn't. I abandoned them & went on my own. Walked around, until I reached some supermarket. Spotted Amin there. Went closer, & I felt my heart sink. He had his hands around some girl.

I froze. He saw me, & took his hands off her. Too late, I had seen enough already. She wasn't aware of what was going on, she was too busy talking to one of the promoters there. Looked at her. I know I've seen her somewhere, again with him. I remembered her the moment I saw her again. She appeared in my dreams once, what is she doing here again? I approach them. He made a foolish move to introduce us to each other. Stupid, stupid you. Before he could finish his sentence I slapped him & shouted, tht he lied to me, yet again. Everyone was looking, I didn't care. I left, he stood there watching me go.

The scene changed yet again. I ran out from wherever I was, tears pouring down my face. Came to a road full of cars passing by. Collapsed in the middle of the road, hugged myself & continued crying. I had had enough, the many cars didn't bother me at all. All I wanted was to drop dead & die.

The scene changed fer the last time. I was in a huge bathroom. I was as white as the walls around me. My wrists were cut open, with blood all over the place. I knew, my life was going to end soon.

That girl. Only now do I rmbr where I first saw her. I dreamt about her when I was sleeping in Amin's room. Not really dream, but caught a glimpse of her when I was sleeping. Again she was with Amin. I'm certain she has something to do with now. How can someone I've never even met appear in my dreams twice?

I don't want competition. I don't want anymore hurtful answers & lies. I want out.

Back To The Beginning, In A Way..

2009-09-30T21:15:00.001+08:00

Currently tuning into: Demi Lovato - Here We Go Again

So how did you get here under my skin?
I swore that I'd never let you back in,
Should have known better in trying to let you go,
'Cause here we go go go again.

Hard as I try I know I can't quit,
Something about you is so addictive,
We're falling together,
you'd think that by now I'd know,
cause here we go go go again.

Monday, 28th September 2009.

Went to Keramat at night. Amin & his family were having a bbq session. Arrived at around 8.30pm. Haikal, his friend was there setting up the bbq place. Didn't even realise it was him, until he said hi. Igt mamat mane tah. Haha wtf. N'way, sat around watching Amin & his friends burning chickens (HAHA wtf), while hanging around, with Haikal the photographer snapping pics. Swt. After that chit-chatted with kak Norlie, Amin's sis in law, & kak Hidayah, his brother's girlf.

By the time we actually finished eating it was already 11, quite late fer me to go back alone, so umi asked me to spend the night. Hung around with kak Norlie & kak Hidayah fer a while more, while Amin went out to play snooker or sumthing. After tht took a bath, since I was reeking of smoke from the fire. Lol. While waiting fer my hair to dry up went into Amin's room to clean it up, since I was going to be sleeping there that night. Punye la bersepah. Sakit jantung mampos la mummy klu nmpk blik die. HAHA. There were clothes all over the floor, & bags & buckets from his hostel. Wtf.

So me, being the 'good gf' la kan (lolololol), tidied up his room, picking up all his clothes & shoving them in a bucket, & folding & hanging up the ones he didn't wear. Pfft. Xmampos lak aku klu kawen nnt kan. Ngahahahaha. If mummy was there she'd perli me kaw2, saying that I won't even tidy up my own room, yet here I was tidying up Amin's room. Haha. Oh, attempted to look fer my necklace, the one with 'Amin ♥ Farah', but I couldn't find it. Rindu kot bende tu, saje nak pkai lg haha. Pfft.

By the time I finished it was 1am, & Amin came back with one of his friends. Sat outside & lepaked yet again with bbq-ed chicken. Haha lol. After tht went back inside, watched Amin play com games fer a while, then decided to go to bed, since kak Intan, who was sick was still roaming around in the living room. Since we couldn't get any privacy, started texting each other. Kept on wanting to laugh, fer the fact that we were barely meters away; I was in his room & he was sleeping in the living room. Haha. After kak Intan went back to sleep went out again to sit with Amin. Haha.

Being with him, after not seeing him fer quite a while was weird. It was kinda like our first date. Malu2 miow la sgt kan ahahaha. It's been a long time since I spent time with him. The last time was probably when we went clubbing. After that it was just simple trips from Bangi to Keramat & back home again, not having time to actually talk & lepak. Everything seemed so awkward, we've been apart fer so long, yet suddenly there I was, sleeping at his house. Even tht texting session was weird, it's been a loooong looong time since we actually texted each other like tht. Took awhile fer the whole thing to actually sink in, fer me to get used to it. I enjoyed every second of course. Made me realised just how much I still loved him. The way I felt, despite knowing so many guys after him none made me feel tht way.

Tuesday, 29th September 2009.

Next day went out with Umi & kak Intan. Umi wanted to buy her meds & stuff so went to Jusco Au, while Amin dumped me halfway & went to lepak. Pfftness. You'd be thinking I was already married to Amin HAHA. Hanging with his family, helping Umi look fer her meds, or helping them choose clothes, well, agk la kan. Haha. Went to House Of Healin, to get some medicine that Umi needed, then suddenly kak Intan was in the shopping mood, & before I knew it both kak Intan & Umi were in some boutique trying on clothes. Wtf.

Both told me to get something fer myself too, but I refused. Looking at the prices were enough to automatically make me say no, & furthermore they weren't really the sort of clothes I'd wear. Heh. However, did learn a few things though. Fer one, Ayah doesn't like earth-related colours, so Umi & kak Intan usually avoid wearing those colors. & tht they're no joke when it comes to shopping; they really shop till they drop. Haha. After that went to Johnny's fer steamboat. Then went to fetch Amin before going home. After Asar, kuar lg. Haha. Umi wanted to go to the Nurimetrics office to get some things done, then suddenly we all went back to Jusco to buy lingerie. Haha sheesh.

At night, yet again I was held back yet again by Umi, to have dinner. Haha. Ayah wanted to have western food, so went to some place near their house. Before leaving waited fer the rest to finish praying, while yet again I sat next to Amin, watching him play some com game. Started talking about random stuff, which eventually lead to him talking about his other girlfs. Swore that he broke up with all of them. Well, due to past events I obviously didn't trust him, so I kept quiet. After tht he decided to tease me by talking bout one of those girls who loved him like how I did, which I, fer one, took seriously. Before I knew it I started crying. Pfft. One thing's fer sure, when it comes to loving someone you NEVER compare me to someone else.

Tht sudden breakdown freaked me out a little, fer barely 5 minutes ago I was laughing, & suddenly I was on the sofa crying. I suddenly found myself feeling confused over everything. Perhaps his statement triggered my emotions. Fer I knew, that no matter how nice things seemed to be going, how everything seemed to be changing, after these few days are over it would be back to normal, where I'd be living my life all alone again, as if the past few days happened in my dreams. Well, I was right wasn't I. It's been like that fer the past few months. Everything's perfect when I'm with him, yet when all that ends, it's just another day in this ordinary life of mine.

N'way, to continue on, had dinner. Felt sick, like I was going to faint any time. Couldn't get myself to eat, but to make everyone happy I swallowed a whole plate of chicken chop. Imagine that. After that I felt so sick it wasn't a laughing matter anymore. Umi & Amin had second thoughts on letting me drive home alone, since it was almost 10, so in the end Amin followed me home & slept at my house. Dahlah kene maki Papa lg. Cam bodo je.

So. It's yet again back to normal. Where I spend each day, like this I suppose. With noone to speak to anymore, since I made sure Amin took care of tht. Which, come to think of it, was stupid of me. Told him to answer all the late night calls that I received when I was at his house. After tht no one actually dared to call, or even text. Then last night on the way home I texted Ajit, & told him I wanted to break up with him. Yea, he was my boyf of only 5 days. Even Amin doesn't know that he was my boyf, I made sure of tht. I went through a lot of difficulties these few days, lying to Ajit about where I was, who I was with & stuff. He doesn't deserve all that, I nvr did have feelings fer him, so I broke it off. After having Amin still calling me his girlf & stuff, I had the odd feeling that I was the one cheating on him, which made me feel terrible. Despite the fact tht it was made official tht we broke up. But on second thoughts now, I think I made the wrong move. Hah. Good job Farah. You're all alone, yet again.

Words make me look weak, but weak makes me a human.

Almost Gone.

2009-09-27T22:41:00.000+08:00

Currently tuning into: Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone

You know that I love you so,
I love you enough to let you go.

I want you to know,
It doesn't matter where we take this road,
Someone's gotta go,
And I want you to know,
You couldn't have loved me better,
But I want you to move on,
So I'm already gone.

Remember all the things we wanted,
Now all our memories, they're haunted,
We were always meant to say goodbye.

Back from KB yawww. Arrived this morning, at around 2am. Left Nek's place at around 4pm. 10 hours journey beb. Rawrrrr. Jam sudaa. Journey was boring. Dahlah radio xde frequency, phone batt low. So basically I took out my laptop, & spent 2 hours singing to songs on my laptop non-stop, smpi laptop pun abis battery. Ahaha. Basically was doing tht to keep Papa awake. Lol. N'way, by the time my battery ran out we arrived in Bentong, where there was frequency. HOHO.

As I mentioned earlier, went back to KB by flight. It was my 1st time on a plane in what, 9 yrs maybe? Lol. The last time was when I actually came back to Malaysia, I think. N'way, didn't bring much, since my clothes were all with papa, who went back by car a few days earlier. However, brought a bag. & guess what was in it? My teddy bear. Ahaha. Yeap, I brought a bag with a teddy & nothing else. Mesti security tu rase plik, ni nak gi jauh2 baju semue xde, patung beruang satu je? Haha wtf. Told mummy, & she was like, "You could have least helped put some of my stuff in your bag, & all you brought was your teddy bear?". Hahaha. Oh, but bottom line, I still prefer MAS.

Oh, a few days back, some drama happened. Went to visit my Atuk's grave, who passed away last Raye. Went with my family, & aunties. On the way back, decided to drop by his second wife's house. Yea, my grandparents were divorced, & he remarried. N'way, bak kate Auntie Suzy, pahala byk klu dlm bulan Syawal berjumpe ngan org2 yg t'dkat dgn mereke2 yg suda pergi (or sumthing like tht la).

So, obviously, we just dropped by, didn't actually tell them that we were coming. Skali sampai, saw a tent there. Bajet wat kenduri Raye la kan, until we entered the house & saw some pelamin thingy inside. You know, tht special spot where the pengantin sits ble nak kawen? Yea. Asked what was going on. Turns out that her daughter, aka my auntie & papa's stepsister was getting married that night, & tht the kenduri was the next day. We all, were like, wtf. Gle kurang ajar sial. Family sendiri pun xbgtau. Pndi nak mintak duit semue dr papa, tp, pergh, ble kawen, wat cam masing2 xknl lak. No phone ilang la, xdpt contact laa. Fucking excuses wey. N'way, God's great though. If we didn't visit Atuk's grave on tht day we wouldn't have known.

Oh, & fyi, tht auntie of mine, who got married, she's 19. A total death sentence to get married that young. & the best thing, she didn't even look like she was about to get married that night. No wedding glow & all that crap. Just like it happens every yr or summat. Pfft. People, all sorts nowadays.

Sooo. Today? Bell wat open house, as she does every year. I go, as usual, except fer last yr, where we got in a fight. Nad, Mirul, & Aben went too. Asked Haikal to come too tp die ade open house gak. Pfft.

Before.

Aben!

Oh ohh! Pn Sharifatul! Bell's mum, also my Sejarah teacher in Form 4. Weee.

After that, went to Summit. Again, fer karaoke. Lol. As always, we all started going emo. Haha. Semue dlm kesakitan ati kot. All single & heartbroken, excluding me I suppose, since I already have another boyf. Yes, I never do stay single fer long.

By the end of the karaoke session, Nad was in tears. I could understand really, she just broke up after all. But it pissed me off when she said that "aku xfham pe die rase, sng nak ckp je,". Hah. Don't start feeding me bullshit about me not knowing how it feels like.

I've been through every single fucking thing. To go to the extent to not only keep my cheating boyf, but to actually agree to share him with some other girl. To be fed friggin lies almost every day. & you tell me I don't understand how you feel? I've taken a lot of shit throughout this past few months, & to still be alive now, tht's a hella lot fer Farah Alia to do. I did every single thing tht I would never want to do, just b'cuz of love. So, to tell me that I don't understand? No girl in their right mind would do what I've been doing all this while. No girl at all. At times I still wonder how I actually let myself go through all that shit. So yea, no matter how much I pity her it still won't change the fact that I'm pretty pissed at her statement. But it's after Raye, it's a new yr, & I'll live fer the present. Not the past, not the future, but now. Enjoy suda. Sdih2 tu kemudian2, xpun lupekan je trus. Wat bodo suda.

Phones. This morning I received a sms from Amin, which said: "Hye, ni farah alia ke?klu bkn sowey la eh.ni amin." I was like, wtf weh! Dah prepare kaw2 kot nak sound si Amin, psl nak ckp camtu. But then I checked again & started laughing. B'cuz it wasn't my Amin but my cousin Amin. Ahahaha. Wtf la. Bikin sendiri pnas je kot.

To Be Continued.

2009-09-22T20:54:00.000+08:00

Currently tuning into: Britney Spears - Cinderella

I used to say I want you,
You cast me in your spell,
I did everything you wanted me to,
But now I shall break free from all your lies,
I won't be blind you see,
My love, it can't be sacrificed,
I won't return to thee.

I'm sorry for running away like this,
And I'm sorry I've already made my wish,
Aah, but Cinderella's got to go,
I'm sorry, just trying to live my life,
Don't worry, you're gonna be alright,
But Cinderella's got to go.

& mummy asked this morning: "Frh, where's Amin? I thought you said he was gonna come. He didn't call you after that day? But n'way, I think you've been doing fine without him so far,"

Frh (in her head): Yea mummy, give me 10 reasons why he would even want to come in the first place. Sure, I'm doing fine without him of course. The other day I told him I love him, but I might as well have been saying it to the wall. Not to forget the fact tht I didn't get any reply, twice. Boy don't I feel like a jerk. I wonder how I can still swallow every single word he tells me. Much as he can tell me, I know the whole truth really. So, yea, considering the situation I'm in atm, I'm really fine mummy.

Raye so far? Bosan thap gaban kot. Sheesh. & to top things up, I have Accs exam tmrw. Pfft. Dahlah xstudy. Then I'll be on a plane to Kota Bahru at night with mummy.

N'way, second raye, didn't go anywhere. However, at night went out. Ke mane? Haaa, korg pndi2 la tau. Heh. Then today went to one of my auntie's house, in Shah Alam.

Second Raye.

Third Raye.
Bought the selendang from kak Intan, Amin's sis. Interested? Go to purplebella.blogspot.com to order. (:

Mummy's right though. People won't change. They'll be just the way they are. One of the reasons I'm being eaten up inside.

Raya 2009.

2009-09-20T23:35:00.000+08:00

Currently tuning into: The Veronicas - Stay

I miss you even more today,
Knowing that you're so far away,
You tell me that you'll see me soon,
But tell me just how long I have to wait for you,
Giving you my reasons why,
And asking you to stay tonight.

But I won't run around after you,
And you know what you've found,
And you know I'm in love with you,
Everything changes when I see your smile,
So stay a little while.

Selamat Hari Raya! Maaf jika ade pape silap & slah I spnjg thun ini yerk. & thanks to korg2 yg wish via Myspace/sms. ;)

Sooo. Celebrating Raya fer the very first time in KL, it was a pretty busy day. In the afternoon went to Amin's house with mummy to celebrate Raye. Then at night went with Auntie Azah, cuzzies Iman & Tisha to some friend's place in uh, somewhere la wtf.

Bottom line, the day was fun, but exhausting. Especially lepaking at Amin's house. Seeing my mummy & his umi in a conversation was weird but amusing. Haha. & everyone liked the cake I baked fer them! Weee. (:

Of course, today I somehow felt married wtf. Before going to his house mummy & I dropped by Mama Han & Mama Ping's hse (my aunties), then Mama Han asked my mum, "bringing your daughter go to Amin's house to bertunang ah?" Ngahaha wtf. Then when we came back, they, as in my aunties & mummy kept on refering to Umi as my 'mother-in-law'. Ngan selambenye dorg nih. Pfft. Aku xkawen ngan Amin lg laaa. Pfft. They all have this knack of teasing me when it comes to Amin. Fer one, before leaving I was all cheerful & Mama Han said that I "couldn't wait to beraye with my 'husband'," LOLOLOL. Raye laaa, mmg la b'seri KOT. HAHA. Apparently everyone's forgotten that he's no longer my boyf, in a way. Sheesh.

Mummy alim haha. ;)

Meanwhile, mummy gave him an ang pau. Said that she's never forgotten all the help he gave us, like helping me bring the cats to the vet when they were sick & buying KFC on my b'day & stuff like that. Well, those cats..haa, rajin lak die nak dtg tiap2 pg. Fer the fact that he nvr left the house HAHAHA wtf. & I'm somehow known as the dishwasher at umi's house HAHA. Well, tht's the least I can do to help, kan? (:

Another thing that amuses me, is the fact that now I'm already out of school & people who meet me ask me what form I am. Weyy, muke aku sah2 xcam dak skola lg kot. Mase aku skola memandai2 lak korg kate aku dah abis skola. Pfft. T'blik tol. Some auntie actually thought I was ~~Form 3~~. LOL!

& Ajit b'tanye: Nape you nmpk cam b'seri2 eh ari ni?
Haha. I fit in the baju kurung! Weee.
Fyi, this was the bju krung that mummy bought fer me, a size smaller mind you, challenging me to be able to wear it by the time Raya approaches. When I tried it on it was super tight. Succeeded! Ngeh.

Oh, today's my 11th month anniversary with Amin.
I've loved you fer almost a yr now.
& although I have all the reasons to be dead angry at you right now,
I love you sayang.
Always.

A New Beginning.

2009-09-19T02:40:00.000+08:00

Currently tuning into: Agnes Monica - Cinta Di Hujung Jalan

Kau bintang di hatiku,
Jadilah yang kumau,
Ku senang,ku sedih,
Kau ada denganku.

Hey! Welcome to my new blog. (:

So, to start off anew. I've had True Love Lies fer 4 yrs. It's time I had a new begining, right? A fresh start to life really. With one simple rule to myself: no emotional letout in THIS blog. N'way, apparently tht old blog of mine had viruses too, so biar je la. It's still available of course, you can check it out at TrueLoveLies here. (:

Site Url: since-201008.blogspot.com.
Why 201008? Why, it's my anniversary with Amin of course.
Heh. Also changed my myspace url btw. It's no longer ~~myspace.com/farah_alia_from_myspace~~ but myspace.com/since.201008. Yeap, it's permanent, I can't change it anymore, but Idc less.

N'way, to start off my new blog, just now was a hella busy day fer me. Jd driver sial. Barely had enough sleep weh! Haha.

In the morning went to fetch Amin sygs from college. It was the start of his hols, had no transport, so lent him a hand & went to Bangi just to fetch him back to Keramat. Pfft. Arrived at his place, salam with Umi, chitchat with her a bit then bla, within 5 mins. Haha.

Had Comp Studies exams at 2.30pm, where I happened to be 10 minutes late, due to the jam from KL. Walked into the examination hall looking a mess, from sweating & panting due to running from the car park. Sheesh. The exam? It sucked btw, hardcore. Well, considering the fact that I xstudy langsung, I think I did fine. HOHO. Ckup mkn kot nak pass. Pfft.

N'way, exams finished at 4.30pm. Pe lg, rushed back to Subang, just so I could avoid the jam. Wasn't tht bad though; everyone were otw back to their hometowns so the main roads weren't so jammed. When to Nad's, did a little freshening up, then drove her car to Alamanda, Putrajaya. Haikal, one of her boyf's friends ajk us bkk pose there, then lpak2. Went to Dengkil first to get Saleh, her boyf, & a friend, then headed back to Putrajaya. Ujan lbat gle lak, tp sempat aku nak drive 120mph. Pfft. What was usually a 40min drive fer Nad to Putrajaya ended up being a 20min journey with me driving. Weee.

So. Haikal became my date fer the night. HAHA. Ate dinner at Rasa Mas. Oh, didn't mention that there was more than 20 people around? Yea, all the classmates or summat, Idk. After tht went to the game arcade, then karaoke! Weee. Haikal wanted to go bowling, but it was closed. Thank God. That happened to be the very place I played bowling fer the 1st time, very, very, badly. With Amin & kak Intan & abg Khalid. Sheesh.

Karaoke was, well, one of a kind. Haha. There were like almost 10 guys & only 2 girls(Nad & I) in a room, & seeing some of the guys expressing themselves was hilarious. Dancing & emoing & jiwanging & moshing, sgale bende ade. Haha. Didn't sing much though this time, no time, on a sorta tight curfew, fer Nad n'way. WTF. Nevertheless, still had fun.

Alvin & The Chipmunks plus 3! LOL!

Dlm pencubaan mengikut poster di blkg yg kegagalan. HOHO.
p.s, not my tummy buncit but my sweater mengembang laaa. Pfft.

Cmnt2 kami:
Nad ckp : Wey, asl cpl ni jauh sgt ouh?
Syukri ckp: Wey Haikal, bkn couple, tp scandal, tol x?
Haikal ckp: Haaa btol tuu. Scandal2!
Frh ckp: Ouh tidakkk! Single sudaaa! =.=

Haikal, Frh, Nad, Saleh, Aben.

& that's only part of us in the room. Lol.

Me singing My Heart Will Go On. Hoho. Oh, & Aben doing the actions hahaha.

Saat2 si jejaka2 melpskan kejiwangan melalui suara2 sumbang mereka HAHA.

Thx Haikal, sbb blanje mkn & karaoke. Mlm ni mmg gempak gle doh, kan Nad? ;)

Got back home at 11. There was this accident at the junction turning into Putra Heights. Satu kete t'blik kot. Pfft, cuak ati kuh. Meanwhile, as I got back, mummy ajk me go out again, go Giant. Wtf. N'way, she had no idea I spent the whole day going to & fro from KL. LOLOLOLOL.