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.Wednesday, September 30, 2009 ' 9:15 PM Y
live & regret.

Currently tuning into: Demi Lovato - Here We Go Again

So how did you get here under my skin?
I swore that I'd never let you back in,
Should have known better in trying to let you go,
'Cause here we go go go again.

Hard as I try I know I can't quit,
Something about you is so addictive,
We're falling together,
you'd think that by now I'd know,
cause here we go go go again.



Monday, 28th September 2009.

Went to Keramat at night. Amin & his family were having a bbq session. Arrived at around 8.30pm. Haikal, his friend was there setting up the bbq place. Didn't even realise it was him, until he said hi. Igt mamat mane tah. Haha wtf. N'way, sat around watching Amin & his friends burning chickens (HAHA wtf), while hanging around, with Haikal the photographer snapping pics. Swt. After that chit-chatted with kak Norlie, Amin's sis in law, & kak Hidayah, his brother's girlf.

By the time we actually finished eating it was already 11, quite late fer me to go back alone, so umi asked me to spend the night. Hung around with kak Norlie & kak Hidayah fer a while more, while Amin went out to play snooker or sumthing. After tht took a bath, since I was reeking of smoke from the fire. Lol. While waiting fer my hair to dry up went into Amin's room to clean it up, since I was going to be sleeping there that night. Punye la bersepah. Sakit jantung mampos la mummy klu nmpk blik die. HAHA. There were clothes all over the floor, & bags & buckets from his hostel. Wtf.

So me, being the 'good gf' la kan (lolololol), tidied up his room, picking up all his clothes & shoving them in a bucket, & folding & hanging up the ones he didn't wear. Pfft. Xmampos lak aku klu kawen nnt kan. Ngahahahaha. If mummy was there she'd perli me kaw2, saying that I won't even tidy up my own room, yet here I was tidying up Amin's room. Haha. Oh, attempted to look fer my necklace, the one with 'Amin ♥ Farah', but I couldn't find it. Rindu kot bende tu, saje nak pkai lg haha. Pfft.

By the time I finished it was 1am, & Amin came back with one of his friends. Sat outside & lepaked yet again with bbq-ed chicken. Haha lol. After tht went back inside, watched Amin play com games fer a while, then decided to go to bed, since kak Intan, who was sick was still roaming around in the living room. Since we couldn't get any privacy, started texting each other. Kept on wanting to laugh, fer the fact that we were barely meters away; I was in his room & he was sleeping in the living room. Haha. After kak Intan went back to sleep went out again to sit with Amin. Haha.

Being with him, after not seeing him fer quite a while was weird. It was kinda like our first date. Malu2 miow la sgt kan ahahaha. It's been a long time since I spent time with him. The last time was probably when we went clubbing. After that it was just simple trips from Bangi to Keramat & back home again, not having time to actually talk & lepak. Everything seemed so awkward, we've been apart fer so long, yet suddenly there I was, sleeping at his house. Even tht texting session was weird, it's been a loooong looong time since we actually texted each other like tht. Took awhile fer the whole thing to actually sink in, fer me to get used to it. I enjoyed every second of course. Made me realised just how much I still loved him. The way I felt, despite knowing so many guys after him none made me feel tht way.


Tuesday, 29th September 2009.

Next day went out with Umi & kak Intan. Umi wanted to buy her meds & stuff so went to Jusco Au, while Amin dumped me halfway & went to lepak. Pfftness. You'd be thinking I was already married to Amin HAHA. Hanging with his family, helping Umi look fer her meds, or helping them choose clothes, well, agk la kan. Haha. Went to House Of Healin, to get some medicine that Umi needed, then suddenly kak Intan was in the shopping mood, & before I knew it both kak Intan & Umi were in some boutique trying on clothes. Wtf.

Both told me to get something fer myself too, but I refused. Looking at the prices were enough to automatically make me say no, & furthermore they weren't really the sort of clothes I'd wear. Heh. However, did learn a few things though. Fer one, Ayah doesn't like earth-related colours, so Umi & kak Intan usually avoid wearing those colors. & tht they're no joke when it comes to shopping; they really shop till they drop. Haha. After that went to Johnny's fer steamboat. Then went to fetch Amin before going home. After Asar, kuar lg. Haha. Umi wanted to go to the Nurimetrics office to get some things done, then suddenly we all went back to Jusco to buy lingerie. Haha sheesh.

At night, yet again I was held back yet again by Umi, to have dinner. Haha. Ayah wanted to have western food, so went to some place near their house. Before leaving waited fer the rest to finish praying, while yet again I sat next to Amin, watching him play some com game. Started talking about random stuff, which eventually lead to him talking about his other girlfs. Swore that he broke up with all of them. Well, due to past events I obviously didn't trust him, so I kept quiet. After tht he decided to tease me by talking bout one of those girls who loved him like how I did, which I, fer one, took seriously. Before I knew it I started crying. Pfft. One thing's fer sure, when it comes to loving someone you NEVER compare me to someone else.

Tht sudden breakdown freaked me out a little, fer barely 5 minutes ago I was laughing, & suddenly I was on the sofa crying. I suddenly found myself feeling confused over everything. Perhaps his statement triggered my emotions. Fer I knew, that no matter how nice things seemed to be going, how everything seemed to be changing, after these few days are over it would be back to normal, where I'd be living my life all alone again, as if the past few days happened in my dreams. Well, I was right wasn't I. It's been like that fer the past few months. Everything's perfect when I'm with him, yet when all that ends, it's just another day in this ordinary life of mine.

N'way, to continue on, had dinner. Felt sick, like I was going to faint any time. Couldn't get myself to eat, but to make everyone happy I swallowed a whole plate of chicken chop. Imagine that. After that I felt so sick it wasn't a laughing matter anymore. Umi & Amin had second thoughts on letting me drive home alone, since it was almost 10, so in the end Amin followed me home & slept at my house. Dahlah kene maki Papa lg. Cam bodo je.


So. It's yet again back to normal. Where I spend each day, like this I suppose. With noone to speak to anymore, since I made sure Amin took care of tht. Which, come to think of it, was stupid of me. Told him to answer all the late night calls that I received when I was at his house. After tht no one actually dared to call, or even text. Then last night on the way home I texted Ajit, & told him I wanted to break up with him. Yea, he was my boyf of only 5 days. Even Amin doesn't know that he was my boyf, I made sure of tht. I went through a lot of difficulties these few days, lying to Ajit about where I was, who I was with & stuff. He doesn't deserve all that, I nvr did have feelings fer him, so I broke it off. After having Amin still calling me his girlf & stuff, I had the odd feeling that I was the one cheating on him, which made me feel terrible. Despite the fact tht it was made official tht we broke up. But on second thoughts now, I think I made the wrong move. Hah. Good job Farah. You're all alone, yet again.





Words make me look weak, but weak makes me a human.


----------------------------------------------

i'm okay, until i realise that things will never be the same.




.Sunday, September 27, 2009 ' 10:41 PM Y
live & regret.

Currently tuning into: Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone

You know that I love you so,
I love you enough to let you go.

I want you to know,
It doesn't matter where we take this road,
Someone's gotta go,
And I want you to know,
You couldn't have loved me better,
But I want you to move on,
So I'm already gone.

Remember all the things we wanted,
Now all our memories, they're haunted,
We were always meant to say goodbye.



Back from KB yawww. Arrived this morning, at around 2am. Left Nek's place at around 4pm. 10 hours journey beb. Rawrrrr. Jam sudaa. Journey was boring. Dahlah radio xde frequency, phone batt low. So basically I took out my laptop, & spent 2 hours singing to songs on my laptop non-stop, smpi laptop pun abis battery. Ahaha. Basically was doing tht to keep Papa awake. Lol. N'way, by the time my battery ran out we arrived in Bentong, where there was frequency. HOHO.

As I mentioned earlier, went back to KB by flight. It was my 1st time on a plane in what, 9 yrs maybe? Lol. The last time was when I actually came back to Malaysia, I think. N'way, didn't bring much, since my clothes were all with papa, who went back by car a few days earlier. However, brought a bag. & guess what was in it? My teddy bear. Ahaha. Yeap, I brought a bag with a teddy & nothing else. Mesti security tu rase plik, ni nak gi jauh2 baju semue xde, patung beruang satu je? Haha wtf. Told mummy, & she was like, "You could have least helped put some of my stuff in your bag, & all you brought was your teddy bear?". Hahaha. Oh, but bottom line, I still prefer MAS.


Oh, a few days back, some drama happened. Went to visit my Atuk's grave, who passed away last Raye. Went with my family, & aunties. On the way back, decided to drop by his second wife's house. Yea, my grandparents were divorced, & he remarried. N'way, bak kate Auntie Suzy, pahala byk klu dlm bulan Syawal berjumpe ngan org2 yg t'dkat dgn mereke2 yg suda pergi (or sumthing like tht la).

So, obviously, we just dropped by, didn't actually tell them that we were coming. Skali sampai, saw a tent there. Bajet wat kenduri Raye la kan, until we entered the house & saw some pelamin thingy inside. You know, tht special spot where the pengantin sits ble nak kawen? Yea. Asked what was going on. Turns out that her daughter, aka my auntie & papa's stepsister was getting married that night, & tht the kenduri was the next day. We all, were like, wtf. Gle kurang ajar sial. Family sendiri pun xbgtau. Pndi nak mintak duit semue dr papa, tp, pergh, ble kawen, wat cam masing2 xknl lak. No phone ilang la, xdpt contact laa. Fucking excuses wey. N'way, God's great though. If we didn't visit Atuk's grave on tht day we wouldn't have known.

Oh, & fyi, tht auntie of mine, who got married, she's 19. A total death sentence to get married that young. & the best thing, she didn't even look like she was about to get married that night. No wedding glow & all that crap. Just like it happens every yr or summat. Pfft. People, all sorts nowadays.



Sooo. Today? Bell wat open house, as she does every year. I go, as usual, except fer last yr, where we got in a fight. Nad, Mirul, & Aben went too. Asked Haikal to come too tp die ade open house gak. Pfft.


Before.


Aben!






Oh ohh! Pn Sharifatul! Bell's mum, also my Sejarah teacher in Form 4. Weee.


After that, went to Summit. Again, fer karaoke. Lol. As always, we all started going emo. Haha. Semue dlm kesakitan ati kot. All single & heartbroken, excluding me I suppose, since I already have another boyf. Yes, I never do stay single fer long.


By the end of the karaoke session, Nad was in tears. I could understand really, she just broke up after all. But it pissed me off when she said that "aku xfham pe die rase, sng nak ckp je,". Hah. Don't start feeding me bullshit about me not knowing how it feels like.

I've been through every single fucking thing. To go to the extent to not only keep my cheating boyf, but to actually agree to share him with some other girl. To be fed friggin lies almost every day. & you tell me I don't understand how you feel? I've taken a lot of shit throughout this past few months, & to still be alive now, tht's a hella lot fer Farah Alia to do. I did every single thing tht I would never want to do, just b'cuz of love. So, to tell me that I don't understand? No girl in their right mind would do what I've been doing all this while. No girl at all. At times I still wonder how I actually let myself go through all that shit. So yea, no matter how much I pity her it still won't change the fact that I'm pretty pissed at her statement. But it's after Raye, it's a new yr, & I'll live fer the present. Not the past, not the future, but now. Enjoy suda. Sdih2 tu kemudian2, xpun lupekan je trus. Wat bodo suda.



Phones. This morning I received a sms from Amin, which said: "Hye, ni farah alia ke?klu bkn sowey la eh.ni amin." I was like, wtf weh! Dah prepare kaw2 kot nak sound si Amin, psl nak ckp camtu. But then I checked again & started laughing. B'cuz it wasn't my Amin but my cousin Amin. Ahahaha. Wtf la. Bikin sendiri pnas je kot.


----------------------------------------------

i'm okay, until i realise that things will never be the same.




.Tuesday, September 22, 2009 ' 8:54 PM Y
live & regret.

Currently tuning into: Britney Spears - Cinderella

I used to say I want you,
You cast me in your spell,
I did everything you wanted me to,
But now I shall break free from all your lies,
I won't be blind you see,
My love, it can't be sacrificed,
I won't return to thee.

I'm sorry for running away like this,
And I'm sorry I've already made my wish,
Aah, but Cinderella's got to go,
I'm sorry, just trying to live my life,
Don't worry, you're gonna be alright,
But Cinderella's got to go.



& mummy asked this morning: "Frh, where's Amin? I thought you said he was gonna come. He didn't call you after that day? But n'way, I think you've been doing fine without him so far,"

Frh (in her head): Yea mummy, give me 10 reasons why he would even want to come in the first place. Sure, I'm doing fine without him of course. The other day I told him I love him, but I might as well have been saying it to the wall. Not to forget the fact tht I didn't get any reply, twice. Boy don't I feel like a jerk. I wonder how I can still swallow every single word he tells me. Much as he can tell me, I know the whole truth really. So, yea, considering the situation I'm in atm, I'm really fine mummy.



Raye so far? Bosan thap gaban kot. Sheesh. & to top things up, I have Accs exam tmrw. Pfft. Dahlah xstudy. Then I'll be on a plane to Kota Bahru at night with mummy.

N'way, second raye, didn't go anywhere. However, at night went out. Ke mane? Haaa, korg pndi2 la tau. Heh. Then today went to one of my auntie's house, in Shah Alam.





Second Raye.




Third Raye.
Bought the selendang from kak Intan, Amin's sis. Interested? Go to purplebella.blogspot.com to order. (:



Mummy's right though. People won't change. They'll be just the way they are. One of the reasons I'm being eaten up inside.


----------------------------------------------

i'm okay, until i realise that things will never be the same.




.Sunday, September 20, 2009 ' 11:35 PM Y
live & regret.

Currently tuning into: The Veronicas - Stay

I miss you even more today,
Knowing that you're so far away,
You tell me that you'll see me soon,
But tell me just how long I have to wait for you,
Giving you my reasons why,
And asking you to stay tonight.

But I won't run around after you,
And you know what you've found,
And you know I'm in love with you,
Everything changes when I see your smile,
So stay a little while.



Selamat Hari Raya! Maaf jika ade pape silap & slah I spnjg thun ini yerk. & thanks to korg2 yg wish via Myspace/sms. ;)

Sooo. Celebrating Raya fer the very first time in KL, it was a pretty busy day. In the afternoon went to Amin's house with mummy to celebrate Raye. Then at night went with Auntie Azah, cuzzies Iman & Tisha to some friend's place in uh, somewhere la wtf.

Bottom line, the day was fun, but exhausting. Especially lepaking at Amin's house. Seeing my mummy & his umi in a conversation was weird but amusing. Haha. & everyone liked the cake I baked fer them! Weee. (:

Of course, today I somehow felt married wtf. Before going to his house mummy & I dropped by Mama Han & Mama Ping's hse (my aunties), then Mama Han asked my mum, "bringing your daughter go to Amin's house to bertunang ah?" Ngahaha wtf. Then when we came back, they, as in my aunties & mummy kept on refering to Umi as my 'mother-in-law'. Ngan selambenye dorg nih. Pfft. Aku xkawen ngan Amin lg laaa. Pfft. They all have this knack of teasing me when it comes to Amin. Fer one, before leaving I was all cheerful & Mama Han said that I "couldn't wait to beraye with my 'husband'," LOLOLOL. Raye laaa, mmg la b'seri KOT. HAHA. Apparently everyone's forgotten that he's no longer my boyf, in a way. Sheesh.



Mummy alim haha. ;)

Meanwhile, mummy gave him an ang pau. Said that she's never forgotten all the help he gave us, like helping me bring the cats to the vet when they were sick & buying KFC on my b'day & stuff like that. Well, those cats..haa, rajin lak die nak dtg tiap2 pg. Fer the fact that he nvr left the house HAHAHA wtf. & I'm somehow known as the dishwasher at umi's house HAHA. Well, tht's the least I can do to help, kan? (:

Another thing that amuses me, is the fact that now I'm already out of school & people who meet me ask me what form I am. Weyy, muke aku sah2 xcam dak skola lg kot. Mase aku skola memandai2 lak korg kate aku dah abis skola. Pfft. T'blik tol. Some auntie actually thought I was Form 3. LOL!






& Ajit b'tanye: Nape you nmpk cam b'seri2 eh ari ni?
Haha. I fit in the baju kurung! Weee.
Fyi, this was the bju krung that mummy bought fer me, a size smaller mind you, challenging me to be able to wear it by the time Raya approaches. When I tried it on it was super tight. Succeeded! Ngeh.



Oh, today's my 11th month anniversary with Amin.
I've loved you fer almost a yr now.
& although I have all the reasons to be dead angry at you right now,
I love you sayang.
Always.


----------------------------------------------

i'm okay, until i realise that things will never be the same.




.Saturday, September 19, 2009 ' 2:40 AM Y
live & regret.

Currently tuning into: Agnes Monica - Cinta Di Hujung Jalan

Kau bintang di hatiku,
Jadilah yang kumau,
Ku senang,ku sedih,
Kau ada denganku.


Hey! Welcome to my new blog. (:

So, to start off anew. I've had True Love Lies fer 4 yrs. It's time I had a new begining, right? A fresh start to life really. With one simple rule to myself: no emotional letout in THIS blog. N'way, apparently tht old blog of mine had viruses too, so biar je la. It's still available of course, you can check it out at TrueLoveLies here. (:

Site Url: since-201008.blogspot.com.
Why 201008? Why, it's my anniversary with Amin of course.
Heh. Also changed my myspace url btw. It's no longer myspace.com/farah_alia_from_myspace but myspace.com/since.201008. Yeap, it's permanent, I can't change it anymore, but Idc less.



N'way, to start off my new blog, just now was a hella busy day fer me. Jd driver sial. Barely had enough sleep weh! Haha.

In the morning went to fetch Amin sygs from college. It was the start of his hols, had no transport, so lent him a hand & went to Bangi just to fetch him back to Keramat. Pfft. Arrived at his place, salam with Umi, chitchat with her a bit then bla, within 5 mins. Haha.

Had Comp Studies exams at 2.30pm, where I happened to be 10 minutes late, due to the jam from KL. Walked into the examination hall looking a mess, from sweating & panting due to running from the car park. Sheesh. The exam? It sucked btw, hardcore. Well, considering the fact that I xstudy langsung, I think I did fine. HOHO. Ckup mkn kot nak pass. Pfft.

N'way, exams finished at 4.30pm. Pe lg, rushed back to Subang, just so I could avoid the jam. Wasn't tht bad though; everyone were otw back to their hometowns so the main roads weren't so jammed. When to Nad's, did a little freshening up, then drove her car to Alamanda, Putrajaya. Haikal, one of her boyf's friends ajk us bkk pose there, then lpak2. Went to Dengkil first to get Saleh, her boyf, & a friend, then headed back to Putrajaya. Ujan lbat gle lak, tp sempat aku nak drive 120mph. Pfft. What was usually a 40min drive fer Nad to Putrajaya ended up being a 20min journey with me driving. Weee.

So. Haikal became my date fer the night. HAHA. Ate dinner at Rasa Mas. Oh, didn't mention that there was more than 20 people around? Yea, all the classmates or summat, Idk. After tht went to the game arcade, then karaoke! Weee. Haikal wanted to go bowling, but it was closed. Thank God. That happened to be the very place I played bowling fer the 1st time, very, very, badly. With Amin & kak Intan & abg Khalid. Sheesh.

Karaoke was, well, one of a kind. Haha. There were like almost 10 guys & only 2 girls(Nad & I) in a room, & seeing some of the guys expressing themselves was hilarious. Dancing & emoing & jiwanging & moshing, sgale bende ade. Haha. Didn't sing much though this time, no time, on a sorta tight curfew, fer Nad n'way. WTF. Nevertheless, still had fun.


Alvin & The Chipmunks plus 3! LOL!



Dlm pencubaan mengikut poster di blkg yg kegagalan. HOHO.
p.s, not my tummy buncit but my sweater mengembang laaa. Pfft.


Cmnt2 kami:
Nad ckp : Wey, asl cpl ni jauh sgt ouh?
Syukri ckp: Wey Haikal, bkn couple, tp scandal, tol x?
Haikal ckp: Haaa btol tuu. Scandal2!
Frh ckp: Ouh tidakkk! Single sudaaa! =.=


Haikal, Frh, Nad, Saleh, Aben.


& that's only part of us in the room. Lol.



Me singing My Heart Will Go On. Hoho. Oh, & Aben doing the actions hahaha.



Saat2 si jejaka2 melpskan kejiwangan melalui suara2 sumbang mereka HAHA.

Thx Haikal, sbb blanje mkn & karaoke. Mlm ni mmg gempak gle doh, kan Nad? ;)


Got back home at 11. There was this accident at the junction turning into Putra Heights. Satu kete t'blik kot. Pfft, cuak ati kuh. Meanwhile, as I got back, mummy ajk me go out again, go Giant. Wtf. N'way, she had no idea I spent the whole day going to & fro from KL. LOLOLOLOL.


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i'm okay, until i realise that things will never be the same.







THE BLOGGERY

.Farah Alia.
18 going on 19, from London, England, & currently staying in Subang Jaya, Slgr, MY.

Me? I've yet to discover myself.


SEARCH MEY
.MSN. farahalia@hotmail.co.uk
.YM/FB. frh.alia_131191@yahoo.com

My OLD blog!
Myspace




LYRICS TO MY LIFEY
When you walked away from me,
And said your last goodbye,
I never thought that six months on,
You'd still be in my life.

I have tried to forget,
Get you out of my head,
But the memories won't fade,
I can run I can hide from this feeling inside,
But the pain won't go away.

Now I'm sure you've found a girl,
To fill my empty space,
But I'm stuck with the love that we shared,
That time just can't erase,
I can run I can hide from this feeling inside,
But the pain won't go away.

Cause every time I hear your name,
The world stops for a moment,
Baby with a single word,
I can see your face again,
Cause every time I hear your name,
The world stops for a moment,
And I'm taken back to what we had,
Every time I hear your name.

♥♥♥



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THE PASTY

CREDITSY