Almost perfect with a flaw in her inner self.

.Wednesday, September 30, 2009 ' 9:15 PM Y

live & regret.

Currently tuning into: Demi Lovato - Here We Go Again

So how did you get here under my skin?
I swore that I'd never let you back in,
Should have known better in trying to let you go,
'Cause here we go go go again.

Hard as I try I know I can't quit,
Something about you is so addictive,
We're falling together,
you'd think that by now I'd know,
cause here we go go go again.

Monday, 28th September 2009.

Went to Keramat at night. Amin & his family were having a bbq session. Arrived at around 8.30pm. Haikal, his friend was there setting up the bbq place. Didn't even realise it was him, until he said hi. Igt mamat mane tah. Haha wtf. N'way, sat around watching Amin & his friends burning chickens (HAHA wtf), while hanging around, with Haikal the photographer snapping pics. Swt. After that chit-chatted with kak Norlie, Amin's sis in law, & kak Hidayah, his brother's girlf.

By the time we actually finished eating it was already 11, quite late fer me to go back alone, so umi asked me to spend the night. Hung around with kak Norlie & kak Hidayah fer a while more, while Amin went out to play snooker or sumthing. After tht took a bath, since I was reeking of smoke from the fire. Lol. While waiting fer my hair to dry up went into Amin's room to clean it up, since I was going to be sleeping there that night. Punye la bersepah. Sakit jantung mampos la mummy klu nmpk blik die. HAHA. There were clothes all over the floor, & bags & buckets from his hostel. Wtf.

So me, being the 'good gf' la kan (lolololol), tidied up his room, picking up all his clothes & shoving them in a bucket, & folding & hanging up the ones he didn't wear. Pfft. Xmampos lak aku klu kawen nnt kan. Ngahahahaha. If mummy was there she'd perli me kaw2, saying that I won't even tidy up my own room, yet here I was tidying up Amin's room. Haha. Oh, attempted to look fer my necklace, the one with 'Amin ♥ Farah', but I couldn't find it. Rindu kot bende tu, saje nak pkai lg haha. Pfft.

By the time I finished it was 1am, & Amin came back with one of his friends. Sat outside & lepaked yet again with bbq-ed chicken. Haha lol. After tht went back inside, watched Amin play com games fer a while, then decided to go to bed, since kak Intan, who was sick was still roaming around in the living room. Since we couldn't get any privacy, started texting each other. Kept on wanting to laugh, fer the fact that we were barely meters away; I was in his room & he was sleeping in the living room. Haha. After kak Intan went back to sleep went out again to sit with Amin. Haha.

Being with him, after not seeing him fer quite a while was weird. It was kinda like our first date. Malu2 miow la sgt kan ahahaha. It's been a long time since I spent time with him. The last time was probably when we went clubbing. After that it was just simple trips from Bangi to Keramat & back home again, not having time to actually talk & lepak. Everything seemed so awkward, we've been apart fer so long, yet suddenly there I was, sleeping at his house. Even tht texting session was weird, it's been a loooong looong time since we actually texted each other like tht. Took awhile fer the whole thing to actually sink in, fer me to get used to it. I enjoyed every second of course. Made me realised just how much I still loved him. The way I felt, despite knowing so many guys after him none made me feel tht way.

Tuesday, 29th September 2009.

Next day went out with Umi & kak Intan. Umi wanted to buy her meds & stuff so went to Jusco Au, while Amin dumped me halfway & went to lepak. Pfftness. You'd be thinking I was already married to Amin HAHA. Hanging with his family, helping Umi look fer her meds, or helping them choose clothes, well, agk la kan. Haha. Went to House Of Healin, to get some medicine that Umi needed, then suddenly kak Intan was in the shopping mood, & before I knew it both kak Intan & Umi were in some boutique trying on clothes. Wtf.

Both told me to get something fer myself too, but I refused. Looking at the prices were enough to automatically make me say no, & furthermore they weren't really the sort of clothes I'd wear. Heh. However, did learn a few things though. Fer one, Ayah doesn't like earth-related colours, so Umi & kak Intan usually avoid wearing those colors. & tht they're no joke when it comes to shopping; they really shop till they drop. Haha. After that went to Johnny's fer steamboat. Then went to fetch Amin before going home. After Asar, kuar lg. Haha. Umi wanted to go to the Nurimetrics office to get some things done, then suddenly we all went back to Jusco to buy lingerie. Haha sheesh.

At night, yet again I was held back yet again by Umi, to have dinner. Haha. Ayah wanted to have western food, so went to some place near their house. Before leaving waited fer the rest to finish praying, while yet again I sat next to Amin, watching him play some com game. Started talking about random stuff, which eventually lead to him talking about his other girlfs. Swore that he broke up with all of them. Well, due to past events I obviously didn't trust him, so I kept quiet. After tht he decided to tease me by talking bout one of those girls who loved him like how I did, which I, fer one, took seriously. Before I knew it I started crying. Pfft. One thing's fer sure, when it comes to loving someone you NEVER compare me to someone else.

Tht sudden breakdown freaked me out a little, fer barely 5 minutes ago I was laughing, & suddenly I was on the sofa crying. I suddenly found myself feeling confused over everything. Perhaps his statement triggered my emotions. Fer I knew, that no matter how nice things seemed to be going, how everything seemed to be changing, after these few days are over it would be back to normal, where I'd be living my life all alone again, as if the past few days happened in my dreams. Well, I was right wasn't I. It's been like that fer the past few months. Everything's perfect when I'm with him, yet when all that ends, it's just another day in this ordinary life of mine.

N'way, to continue on, had dinner. Felt sick, like I was going to faint any time. Couldn't get myself to eat, but to make everyone happy I swallowed a whole plate of chicken chop. Imagine that. After that I felt so sick it wasn't a laughing matter anymore. Umi & Amin had second thoughts on letting me drive home alone, since it was almost 10, so in the end Amin followed me home & slept at my house. Dahlah kene maki Papa lg. Cam bodo je.

So. It's yet again back to normal. Where I spend each day, like this I suppose. With noone to speak to anymore, since I made sure Amin took care of tht. Which, come to think of it, was stupid of me. Told him to answer all the late night calls that I received when I was at his house. After tht no one actually dared to call, or even text. Then last night on the way home I texted Ajit, & told him I wanted to break up with him. Yea, he was my boyf of only 5 days. Even Amin doesn't know that he was my boyf, I made sure of tht. I went through a lot of difficulties these few days, lying to Ajit about where I was, who I was with & stuff. He doesn't deserve all that, I nvr did have feelings fer him, so I broke it off. After having Amin still calling me his girlf & stuff, I had the odd feeling that I was the one cheating on him, which made me feel terrible. Despite the fact tht it was made official tht we broke up. But on second thoughts now, I think I made the wrong move. Hah. Good job Farah. You're all alone, yet again.

Words make me look weak, but weak makes me a human.

----------------------------------------------

i'm okay, until i realise that things will never be the same.