.Tuesday, October 6, 2009 ' 10:21 PM Y
live & regret.
Currently tuning into: ATB Feat. Tiff Lacey – Still Here
You know you’re my love,
Know that I always cared,
I may have been away without you,
But my heart was always here.
Never forget,
I never left,
Always there in the shadow.
Hard to believe,
Because you couldn’t see,
Always there when it mattered,
I’m still here. Update on photos. HOHO.
Used my uncle's old phone, since mine's off fer repair.
The begining.
Part One.
Part Two.
Part Three.
Brown hair! Weee. My hair's always been brown, though it's only most obvious under light.
Part four.
Curik bju die lg HAHA.
Amin left his bju once again in my possession. Hoho.
Many wondered what exactly happened to me last week. Well, long story cut short, found out something that I didn't like at all, & completely lost it. All the pain, sadness, disappointment & frustration fer the past few months just came bursting out at me & before I knew it, I just lost myself.
Ran into my room, shut the door, & sat on my bed crying & screaming with all my heart into my pillow. After what felt like ages got up, took out a razor from my drawer, & collapsed on the floor. Still crying & clearly hating myself, took out the razorblades & slitted my wrist. Something about seeing my own blood flowing out suddenly calmed me down. Sounds painful, but trust me, I didn't feel a single bit of pain. Quite scary really, come to think of it.
After that, went back downstairs, took a whole bunch of pills out from the cupboard with all the medications & swallowed them down my throat. Oh, don't ask me what pills, mcm2 kot. Pfft. Lps tu, tido. Bgun rase cam sial. Sheesh.
Guess I was wrong. Maybe keeping it all in all this while made it worse. But on the bright side, ever since that incident I've been feeling much happier now. It's as if all the bad memories came out together along with the blood. I no longer feel frustrated or sad or all that shit. Fer now I suppose. Yea, I'm assuming y'all think I've officially gone nuts & might probably stop reading my blog after this. Haha. Kesah doh. T_T
Oh, just now mummy made some own invented smoothie. Haha. Bananas + mango juice + apple juice + coconut juice = (korg wat la name sendiri. Hahaa)
Mmmmm. Delicious. ;)
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i'm okay, until i realise that things will never be the same.
