.Wednesday, October 14, 2009 ' 11:43 PM Y
live & regret.
Currently tuning into: Abba - The Winner Takes It All
I don't wanna talk,
About the things we've gone through,
Though it's hurting me,
Now it's history,
I've played all my cards,
And that's what you've done too,
Nothing more to say,
No more ace to play.
The winner takes it all,
The loser standing small,
Beside the victory,
That's her destiny.
I was in your arms,
Thinking I belonged there,
I figured it made sense,
Building me a fence,
Building me a home,
Thinking I'd be strong there,
But I was a fool,
Playing by the rules.
But tell me does she kiss,
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same,
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside,
You must know I miss you,
But what can I say,
Rules must be obeyed. Went to Keramat today. Basically, I had no intentions of seeing Amin at all. All I wanted was to go there to meet Umi to show her some Amway leaflets & leave. Well, as usual, things always don't go as planned.
Went to fetch Bell first, then grak gi Keramat. Oh, I arrived in what, less than half an hour? Punye la plik aku, jam lak tuh. Pfft. N'way, wore bju kurung since Umi was having some small makan2 session. Small la, apparently. Arrived & expected to perhaps see 3-4 people. Skali opened the door to what, 10? Dahlah aku xpkai tudung. Damn awkward. Pfft.
N'way, around 5 minutes later Amin came back, quite the surprised to see me I suppose. Didn't bother telling him that I was gonna come. Then as usual, I started my
'I-am-a-wife-&-daughter-in-law-so-I-must-do-my-duty' session. Ahaha wtf. As usual, went to & fro throughout the house helping Umi prepare drinks & stuff. & kak Norlie overheard a few of them talking. Apparently they thought I was one of the menantus too. Wtf. Dah xde kaitan lak ngan family tuh. =.=
Left at 7 plus, since Bell's dad was getting a bit the mad. Heh. Lps tu, gi Carlos lpak shisha with Bell & Nabihah, her lil sis. Oh yea, we went there wearing bju kurung. Bkn main alim lg pkai, tp skali ade kat situ smoke & shisha. HAHA. Xjd pe la doh, kan Bell? ;P
Bell loceng. HAHA.
Frh bongok! ;)
NabiHOHO. haha.
Damn cute, the bottom pic. Haha.
As usual, when Bell & I get together we always talk of the same thing. Of our exes, how we still love them, but they fuck things up nicely & so on. We're basically in the same situation I suppose. As fer me, again as always I left Keramat with the many things running through my mind. I'm always left with the feeling of wanting him to go away yet wanting him to be with me all the time.
Pe lg, story2 ngan Bell la. My first date, the night he mintak couple, all those lovely memoirs. I felt like crying really, but well, xjd kot. Wtf.
Mummy asked me how were things. I told her, I didn't know really. It was just, like that. A story with no complete ending. We've been living our separate ways already, I suppose. She can't say much, all she can say is tht, it's life. & I agree.
Mummy: So, how are both of you now?
Frh: Idk, like tht la. He's sorted out his life, good la. I don't care about him anymore.
Mummy: So, both of u masing2 live yr own life la?
Frh: I guess so.
Mummy: Then why are you still so close to the family?
Frh: Uh..I..(silence)
Mummy: To be close to him right?
Frh: ...(more silence)Meanwhile, I've always wondered why I always had this tendency to suddenly awake at 4 am almost every night. You see, when he asked me to be his girlf on the 20th October 2008, it was exactly 4am, when I said yes. I suddenly rmbred checking the time on that night, while I was reminiscing back the moment with Bell.
I'm a complete mess. I'm very down at the moment, feeling, not mellow, not pissed off, not fucked up, but completely sad. Why? I still don't know why. I barely know what I post in my own blogs nowadays. First it's this & then it's that. Idk really. I want to cry out loud, so that I can feel better. I want to cut myself up again. But I can't. Why do things like this have to happen to me?
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i'm okay, until i realise that things will never be the same.
