.Tuesday, October 20, 2009 ' 10:50 AM Y
live & regret.
Currently tuning into: Taylor Swift - Breathe
I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way,
People are people and sometimes we change our minds,
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend,
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me. waa. bwu igt! 20102009 ari ney. sptotnyew kownk nyew anvsry an3? akk + abg casper.& I thought I was the only one who remembered my anniversary. Sedangkan org2 yg br knl I pun igt skali. But he made it clear last night that we were only friends & that that's the way it's gonna stay. Which basically makes all my time of waiting utterly pointless & wasted.
One moment I was on the verge of laughing in joy at the fact that he actually called & the next I feel as if a building collapsed on me, right after he comes up with the statement that we can always be good friends. Prayed every damn night that fer once something good that would at least make my day would happen today, but, well, not even words can explain how I really feel right now. Last night I went to sleep with a feeling of loss so overwhelming that it left me sad, empty, & completely lost. It didn't help much to have ppl texting you, reminding you that today was
supposed to be yr anniversary.
His words, the way he spoke, something was telling me that he was staying just to look after my feelings. All that indirect pushing, urging me to find someone else, even the way he asked me if I still loved him, it was as if, if I said I didn't love him anymore he'll be free to openly date some other girl or something. I've been shutting my head & heart out to the fact that he doesn't love me anymore fer ages, but when it hits you in the face like a slap, what would you do?
Maybe it's fer the best, but it hurts, a whole darn lot. All those months I was given hope & in the end, what did I get? Nothing. Nothing at all.
On the 20th of October last year, my life unexpectedly became complete. The 20th of October this year? I lost everything. My whole life's falling apart, from studies to relationships & come to think of it, my social life too. Thanks God Almighty, for giving me the best life ever & taking it away. Thx again, maybe at some point I'm supposed to deserve it.
Currently, I just feel like locking myself up in my room forever, going nowhere, not even uni.
Urgh. I feel like crying. But I can't. & it's torturing.
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i'm okay, until i realise that things will never be the same.
