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.Saturday, November 14, 2009 ' 3:28 PM Y
live & regret.

Currently tuning into: Ashley Tisdale - What If

Don't speak,
I can't believe, this is here happening,
Our situation isn't right,
Get real, who you playing with,
I never thought you'd be like this,
You were supposed to be there by my side.

When you say that you want me,
I just don't believe it,
You're always ready to give up and never turn around.

But what if I need you baby,
Would you even try to save me,
Or would you find some lame excuse to never be true,
What if I said I loved you,
Would you be the one to run to,
Or would you watch me walk away without a fight.

I'm so sick of worrying that you're gonna quit over anything,
I could trip and you let go like that,
And everything that we ever were,
It seems to fade, but not the hurt,
'Cause you don't know the good things from the bad.

When I say that I want you,
You know that I mean it,
And in my hour of weakness,
There's still time to try.

Everytime I speak you try and stop me,
'Cause every little thing I say is wrong,
You say you're noticing, but you'll never see,
This is who I really am but you can't relate,
Makes me wanna know right now if it's me you'll live without,
Or would you change your mind?

What if I need you.





So. My b'day was a nice one I suppose last night.

Celebrated my b'day at Star Cafe with Bell, Nad, Saleh, Haikal, Mirul, & Adie. Why Star Cafe? Port lepak shisha kitorg HAHA. N'way, Nad bought me this childish cake. Personally, I expected something nicer fer my 18th b'day. After all, I was the one paying for it. But wtvr, diam je la.


The cake. =.=




Snapped by Haikal.

So, after eating cake, we all supposingly wanted to go snap photos at a corner nearby. Skali, at my most unexpected moment I was bombarded by flour & glitter. Right. At first I was damn pissed, this was my 18th b'day, I wanted it to be special. I spent almost a hundred, my own fucking money mind you, buying the clothes I was wearing, which was ruined. N'way, at first I threw a bitch fit, shouting at everyone, but the whole thing already happened, I couldn't do anything, so I just had to pull myself up & start laughing.


Nmpk haaa. Minutes before being attacked. Pfft.

After that went back to Bell's house to take a shower, & got attacked again, this time by water balloons. Pfft. Bottom line, this wasn't what I planned, it was more childish than special, but fun I suppose. P.s, note to self, no more b'days with them after this. & I'm serious.

Well, a lot of people wished me, smses, ms, fb. & the people at Star Cafe. Kinda touched really. Haha. Nvr received so many wishes before. My fb wall was pratically full of wishes. Lol. But the most special & unexpected wish was from Amin's umi.

Was having my business lecture when I received a text msg from Umi. Thought it was Amin, but then I read it & almost cried. Yes, I almost cried. It was from her, wishing me Happy B'day. Instantly there was this feeling building up inside me, feeling touched & somewhat guilty. B'cuz of everything going on with me & Amin I didn't even bother texting or calling her any longer, b'cuz I was assuming that, after all, I am her son's ex-girlf, why would she want to give a damn about me anymore, she can always get to know her new future daughter-in-law. Guess I was wrong. Which is why I've made it a point to go visit her next week. She's always been like my second mother, & I love her, Amin or no Amin.

So, to continue on, after midnight Amin came to Subang, with Yon & Anas. So, went to Star Cafe again with Bell. Didn't do much, just hung out, shisha, drinks, cigs. Lol. Then Amin told me to go with him to his car, apparently my present from his sis was 'very big'. Yea, a bracelet's very huge la kan. >.<

So, hung out in his car, talking & stuff. Obviously Yon & Bell thought we were somehow 'getting it on' in the car. HAHA WTF. Did a little talking, about his girlf, us, things like that. I didn't know what to say really, I've long since gone over that stage of hoping to be with him again, of hoping that he'll change. B'cuz I know now, he'll never change, & we'll never be together again. Which is why I officially sealed my lips shut. I do love him, I still miss him, but I'll keep that to my own self now.

Got back home at 3. Papa asked me where I went. I said, to celebrate b'day. The best thing is, he asked who's b'day. When I said mine, he kept quiet & went back to sleep. Nice isn't it, how your own father forgets your b'day. It's either b'cuz he's getting old, or he's just being ignorant.


Bottom line, by the end of my b'day night I was damn sober. & only God knows what my b'day wish was.




----------------------------------------------

i'm okay, until i realise that things will never be the same.







THE BLOGGERY

.Farah Alia.
18 going on 19, from London, England, & currently staying in Subang Jaya, Slgr, MY.

Me? I've yet to discover myself.


SEARCH MEY
.MSN. farahalia@hotmail.co.uk
.YM/FB. frh.alia_131191@yahoo.com

My OLD blog!
Myspace




LYRICS TO MY LIFEY
When you walked away from me,
And said your last goodbye,
I never thought that six months on,
You'd still be in my life.

I have tried to forget,
Get you out of my head,
But the memories won't fade,
I can run I can hide from this feeling inside,
But the pain won't go away.

Now I'm sure you've found a girl,
To fill my empty space,
But I'm stuck with the love that we shared,
That time just can't erase,
I can run I can hide from this feeling inside,
But the pain won't go away.

Cause every time I hear your name,
The world stops for a moment,
Baby with a single word,
I can see your face again,
Cause every time I hear your name,
The world stops for a moment,
And I'm taken back to what we had,
Every time I hear your name.

♥♥♥



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