.Tuesday, November 10, 2009 ' 8:55 PM Y
live & regret.
Currently tuning into: Ashley Tisdale - It's Alright It's Ok
You played me,
Betrayed me,
Your love was nothing but a game,
Portrayed a role,
You took control, I,
I couldn't help but fall
So deep,
But now I see things clear.
It's alright, OK,
I'm so much better without you,
I wont be sorry,
Alright, Ok,
So don't you bother what I do,
No matter what you say,
I wont return,
Our bridge has burnt down,
I'm stronger now,
Alright, Ok,
I'm so much better without you,
I wont be sorry. Haven't updated much on my blog huh? Heh. Sorry peeps, I'm rarely at home nowadays. Which obviously means I'm rarely online too. & even if I'm online I'll only be on ym with people I really know while playing Linyca on Facebook. I'm not even active in myspace anymore.
Talking of myspace, I got ditched by some community in Myspace. Some faggot made that page especially to badmouth people who they thought were 'inappropriate'. No surprise really, when one of my friends cmnted me & said that there was this page where they had my pics among a few girls, & posted bad stuff about me. Knew it would happen to me someday. Yet again, no surprise when it's about the way I wear. Fuck you, malay or not malay the way I wear doesn't fucking concern anyone so why give a fuck in the 1st place? Dose aku, pndi ah aku nak tanggung sendiri. Haa, yg ko dok mengumpat xsame dose cam aku lak. & he supposingly thinks he's doing the right thing in exposing people like me. Right. Some people just don't realise how stupid they are. As far as I'm concerned, I don't hurt anyone, I'm still a nice person, & that's that. My clothes & appearance don't speak for me. For God's sakes, it's fucking Myspace, go get a real life instead of barging in on other people's one.
N'way, here's some updates;
- Why I'm rarely at home? Apart from classes, I'm all over the place actually, but most of the time at Sunway, for gym of course. On some days I'd either be at Subang Parade or Mid Valley. Of course, I'd be at Sunway every Monday-Friday. The only time I'm at home is after 9.30pm or before 10am, where I'll be sleeping obviously. Apart from the desperate attempt to lose weight fast, it's the only way I can keep myself busy & distracted.
- Talking of gym, made a new friend at gym lst night. Her name's Milly, studying in Taylors. She mixed British, Spanish, & Filipino. Lol. All the mixes. Haha.
- Apart from that, last night I was somehow cursed. A 7kg dumbell dropped on my foot. Rawrrrrr. Now my foot's lebam + bengkak. Xjd pe doh, punye la sakit. Thank god I didn't end up crushing a bone or sumthing.
- Saw Ary last night at Sunway, while I was walking around shopping. Oh, with his girlf. Fyi, Ary's my ex-boyf, before Amin. Hah, never thought I'll be meeting him again, after more than a yr.
- Remember Yon? My supposingly ex-scandal la kan. Haha. N'way, I'm friends again with him, ever since he added me back in myspace. Weeee. All that conflict last yr & what do you know, here we are again, forgetting the past & making a new start. I've forgiven him for all that happened a long time ago, so I'm cool. Funny how the people that you think left your life somehow walks back in or passes by, after a long while. Life, as I'm learning, can be dead interesting at times.
- Went to hang out at Fiki's the other day. Finally met her in person after what, 2yrs of being online friends? & she just so happens to stay behind me house. LOL.
- Last week walked around shopping for clothes in Sunway & almost got smothered by Mei Xin & Wan Ying, who I bumped into halfway. >.<
That's what I can rmbr, fer now. Lol.
So, now I have a new life, basically. After more than a yr, finally a new life being single, & actually living with it. I've spent these few months holding on to something that I could never get back, & now, here I am, reliving my life in a different way. Finally, after so long, I've learnt to let go of Amin.
This whole thing came along that night, after I found out the truth. After reading his very last text msg to me, I knew that I had to let go, whether I liked it or not. His words were all hurtful, but it was the truth, better than lies. Deleted everything, from our pics in my phone to his number; something I should have done a long time ago. Spent the next 2 days feeling depressed & down, which eventually led me to break down & cry. The next morning I woke up, & sternly reminded myself that I made a promise, both to myself & to him. I love him, & Idc what he wants to do, as long as he's happy. The reason I can wake up feeling like a new person each day.
I still love him. I still think of him everyday, wondering what he's up to, how are things. I still miss him the moment I wake up, right up to the moment I fall asleep. I still love him, but I love myself more. Which is why I have to let myself free.
Mummy: So, Amin really didn't contact you anymore?
Frh: Idk mummy, I deleted his number.
Mummy: *laughs* Haha. You're free now Farah.Yes. I'm free. Free from depression, free from sadness, free from frustration, free from hurt, & most importantly, free from you.
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i'm okay, until i realise that things will never be the same.
